Diary of an Unpaid Intern

Blithed Roses - Degrees of Seperation

2011-11-28T09:16:00.001-05:00

To say he was shocked would have been an understatement, butit also wasn't so left-field, he knew he deserved that and so he knocked again

"I know you are there Blythe, please let me in"

It took her a few minutes, she headed to the kitchen first, put the flowers in a vase,but then she did

"I missed you"

"you have a good way of showing it" Blythe replied

"I'm here ain't i?

"you can leave if you want to"

" I don't want to"

Silence.....

"I'm sorry"

" for what exactly just so we are clear"

" will you let me come in? please"

She opened the door for him and moved out of his way and ashe passed her he grabbed her hand, and shut the door with his leg, walked tothe couch, sat, drew her down and held her tight.

"I'm sorry" he said while yawning

"You could have sent a text Nick, I mean I wasn'tworried or anything and it's not like we know each other or are friends ornothing, it's just the right thing to do you know?"

Silence.

Nick?

He was fast asleep.

Smiling, she tried to draw away from him so she could go tobed and get him a blanket, but he held her tighter so she cuddled in. It felt nice, and it felt right. She felt so warm and safe, a feeling she craved for quite some time ago.

Blythe woke up to a snoring man besides her on the bed,fully dressed thankfully. She would have been petrified if she had slept withhim. She barely knew the man and would have loved to be able to remember her first time with him. He looked good enough to eat and still smelt so damn sexy, that must be why looking at him madeher wet all of a sudden.

"For goodness sake, Blythe get a hold ofyourself", she admonished herself.

Standing up she went into the bathroom, to take a shower.Leaving him to sleep. She turned on the radio, making sure not to blare it, soit didn't awaken him and sang along with Whitney Houston.

She hadn't closed the door to the bathroom however becauseten minutes later, she heard Nick say

"May I join you?"

Shrieking, Blythe replied with "Nick, get out,Now!!!!"

"But, I really need to pee."

"I will be done in two seconds, just go away"

"Ok, ok I'm out, just saying that I might have to peein your kitchen sink if you don't hurry out"

"You wouldn't dare"

"wouldn't I? Lovely body by the way"

"you are so incorrigible, get out" Blythe replied, laughing

Not wanting to test him though, Blythe quickly rinsed offand got off the shower. She slipped into her purple cashmere robe, a recent super expensive lavish purchase on her part, she absolutely loved it. She went into the bedroom, and found Nick laying down on top of the bed, he had made the bed, she noted, his eyes closed but instinctively open as soon as she walked in and just stare at her watching her.

"you are beautiful"

"thank you"

"Let me let you get dressed then, you wouldn't happento have a spare toothbrush would you?"

"the closet in the bathroom, there are extra towels inthere if you want to take a shower as well"

"Thank you"

Blythe then proceeded to get dressed in her work outclothes. She had made plans to go to a yoga class with Tina,after which they were going to go baby shopping for Simi's baby. They had justfound out that it was going to be a girl, and blythe was excited, she hated toshop, but she loved babies so much much more. She had toyed with the idea ofcalling Tina to change the plans withNicks arrival, but she will be damned if she was going to change her plansbecause of a man who probably had no intentions of being with her.

Just then the phone rang, thinking it was hers, blythe looked around to try locate it, finding it under the pillows. What she saw, had her frozen, a sickening feeling in herstomach.
Lisa - PR. Except, it was no random Lisa. This was Lisa, Drake's Lisa, her beautiful face on the screen of the phone, she now knew to be Nick's.
She dropped it quickly, like it had burnt. Head reeling she headed out of the room, bumping into Nick as he came out of the bathroom.

"Are you okay? You look like you saw a ghost"
-------------------------------------------

Read Part 1 - Here

Read Part 2 - Here

Read Part 3 - Here

Read Part 4 - Here

Read Part 5 - Here
Read Part 6 - Here

Read Part 7 - Here

Read Part 8 - Here

Read Part 9 - Here

Read Part 10 - Here
Read Part 11 - Here
Read Part 12 - Here
-------------------------------------------

P.S I Love You

Two weeks worth of randoms

2011-11-21T02:13:00.001-05:00

"Don't erase tomorrow, just because of yesterday."

I don't know that I believe that and i'm not one for second chances once I cut you off, before I do though, I believe in many chances until I can't deal anymore.

I had a proper "Vegas" experience in Houston this weekend. Some mad some things men. I tell you, I have the best set of friends and as long as you are ready to go with the flow, you are sure to have a good time, with most of the people I know. I also haven't partied enough with girls to know, but being the only girl/or one of the few girls with a bunch of boys is just the best way to have fun. Confirmed utunu.

O so this one girl wanted to take me home, my first time getting a come on from a girl. She was quite pretty too. I like boys. Lol.

I believe in karma, I can't do a married man. Fortunately or unfortunately as the case might be.

I will continue to have cause to dance all the days of my life. Amen.
I pray that as i continue to celebrate with others around me, so will others celebrate with me, soon come. Amen

Boys, boys, boys. Men, men, men. You are a special breed I tell you, and you definitely don't fear God, may God have mercy on y'all. I continue to say, that I'm not getting married. It's not a curse, I cannot deal.

Nigeria 2011. It shall be messy. But with that said though, Nigeria is big men. All this one people are saying "we will hook up" I just keep laughing, cos trust me not to see anybody, except we bump into each other. Like my friend says about me "you just don't like people, except you are with your person" my person being my best friend.

I'm more a part of my best friends family than she is mine, as in I know at least one person from every side of the family, all the cousins and inlaws and the church family, the whole nine yards. My family is pretty just me and my siblings. Lol. Her (the best friend) mums, got my cousin to make me cupcakes for my birthday, she is the cutest.

Some guy who had been trying to talk to me while I was in Houston (I told you about him) came over and was asking all these questions, why we didn't work, what he needs to change about himself etc. He said what he likes about me is what he doesn't like about me - my independence- its a good and bad thing he said. He said he likes that I know myself, and he didn't need me to validate him, or even give me attention, but it could be very unnerving. I am very much like that, and people often say maybe that's what happened with the ex because men like to be "in charge and feel needed". Lol, omo again I've told you 'single l'omo'.

I'm single in every continent. Lmao.

If I did get married though, that wedding will be toooooooo messy. Have you met my friends? Omo, i will tell every girl to just hold her flats and be prepared to dance. My guy friends will cause a complete ruckus. My hubby, will have to really be cool, otherwise he might be sitting down, watching us dance. Lol. And then each of my siblings friends and most of the best friends family. Again I say tooooooo messy.

I'm buying myself a ring. It's really pretty for $90. I don't know why. I just am.

I have great legs :)

I'll be right here. That's just the truth.

I love flying. I haven't even gone to the places I want to go to.

I hate that stupid febreze advert. It annoys me that they think we must be that stupid to believe, their product can mask smells so strong. Rubbish.

I hate failing, and I sucked on my first airing of our new radio show. Sigh, I would tell you guys where to listen if I hadn't sucked so much, so imma try to hide and not even promote it, just In case. I also failed my bio stats homework. More than half of the class did, so I can't be arsed. But like I said I hate to fail, so I'm bothered, will be making sure to really ace the final. It's on the same day I'm leaving for naij tho.

I've always wanted to know what my ex's tell others when they ask why we broke up. Of all that I've heard "we drifted apart" really annoys me, especially when it's not true. Can you just say you don't know. What is with the bitchass answer? O well.

I miss my siblings, gotta go see them in Detroit before I go home and then I get to see my baby (the third child) in Nigeria, I'm excited, I haven't seen her since 2009.

I think God is quite funny, the best of them is the one who is now different. Or maybe if he weren't like that, he wouldn't be who he is now, with so much talent and knowledge.

When I click with girls, it's usually very instant. Otherwise we will never be more than folks who nod at each other when we see each other.

O so my guy friend said I'm a trouble maker, cos of the way I look at a guy in the eyes. He thinks I'm the biggest flirt ever. My partner rightly told him that I don't even know that I do it. I really don't and I look everyone in the eyes so, soooooo. Lol.

I'm just happy to be here.

P.s I Love You

Its been too long

2011-11-07T20:41:00.002-05:00

..... and i miss you so much and i am sorry.

I apologize a lot don't i? I do apologize though, and all i can say is that this girl has gotten mad lazy, i mean extremely lazy. I mean that has to be the only reason why i don't come on here to write as much as i want to. Honestly i am busy, i am trying to manage different somewhat conflicting projects - the entertainment industry and the professional/school of my life is strongly on opposite sides and most days i don't know what i want to do. I want to finish school, i want to be the minister of health, i want to have all the doctors in Nigeria take a freaking exam, so they stop killing folks in Nigeria (I know, i know, its harsh). I want to go to different countries each year for six months and start health care interventions that will run successful for years to come. On the other hand i want to be a media/entertainment mogul (very well behind the scenes btw) but in ways that will create jobs and make us comparable to the US and better. O add that to wanting to be a mother to ten kids (note that i didn't mention wife, God help me). Anyways, God is in control right? His will and only his will is what i want for my life.

On a lighter note, HI EVERYONE :). How you doing? What's the koko, like my mama will say. So the other day, i was mad at something my brother did and then my mum is trying to calm me down and all of a sudden she goes "How is *insert ex's name*" and i guess i smiled and laughed in reply and she goes "It still works".... This is a SHAME. Absolute shame. :(

I was in DC this weekend and it was relaxing and just pretty chilled. I needed it, even though the drive to and fro nearly killed my back. Met up with old friends, made new friends (folks are mad talented men) and danced a little. So i met some of my younger friends, some of them my brothers friends who are just barely 21 and i think its just hilarious that they can now think to dance with me. Before now they wouldn't have dared to come near me to try dance, talk less grind on me. Hilarious.

So my cousin came over for the week and disrupted my life, i love her but i wanted to kill her as well. I spent a lot of time driving as well last week. My body hurts. But shout-out to accommodating friends. Spent the entire week at my friends house cos it was close to New York where she needed to be and he and his roommates were all kinds of awesome. Men that can cook yo. This my friend can cook and bake, o he baked me a birthday cake. Like it gives him so much pleasure to cook and he made drinks, the whole nine yards. In another life and time and maybe if i had met him before the ex, i will take him to my mom men.

So this setting P via DM on twitter. Hilarious stuff. I don't get it. But its fun seeing guys try.
Which reminds me, i am trying really hard to keep my circles seperate and its getting harder to do. Can we all just stay on our own lane? Why do we have to know each other?
Which reminds me, boys are devious, throw rocks at them. Ladies, i beg you please don't share the goodies with just any man o, please don't go and sleep with another woman's man and bring a curse on your head o, but what do i know? - Single and very Celibate.
But on another related tip, divorce is not a good look, however you want to look at it. I pray and hope we remember that, cos way too many people getting divorced at very young ages #NoKimKardashian

Difference between me and folks - I have never tried to be more than i am. I don't have any thing to use to even 'show/front' so when i hear that someone said this or said that, i wonder why. My best friend goes she is going to write a book about the real "Neefemi". Lol, i am looking forward to it.

I love TV shows. Which is not a good thing, because i spend too much time trying to catch up on shows, while i am studying.

So my friend asked me on Saturday if i was pregnant because i ate two times that day, Can you imagine people?
I was told that i was the "richest broke girl" they knew. I Love it. I am a very rich girl, because of the people around me and i am not talking monetary gifts. Let me give you an example, so i have been trying to get this wikipedia page done yea and at some point i got swamped and couldn't get it done and my friend has spent hours on end trying to get it done for me. If i were paying him, well let's just say i cannot afford it. So of course i am rich, i can never be poor as long as i have the friends i have and i mean even i don't have a dollar in my account.

Looking forward to Christmas. Looking forward to Nigeria.

Nways i think that's it, let me get back to the books. Will definitely be up all night :(

I miss you guys. I will put up the next part of the story on Friday. I hope you are all ok. Stay blessed.

P.S I Love You

Blithed Roses - 2 weeks later

2011-10-29T23:36:00.000-04:00

Nick got to the hotel that night and stopped at the lobby, asking to speak with the manager. On his way back his mind had been reeling with the new idea for his book. It was totally different from what he had originally come here to write and he was sure that his editor, Vienna, would have his head, but he was sure she would be very pleased with the result, at least he hoped. He gave specific instructions to the strict looking manager, fellow by the name Jack Little - he made a mental note to use a variation of that name in his book- to not receive any calls, infact anyone who called for him was to be told that he had checked out and "no he did not leave a forwarding number or address". They were also to deliver his meals to him, breakfast and dinner - whatever the Chef's special was that day, but never to knock the door. He also wanted no house cleaning until he called for one. The manager seemed quite used to these kinds of demands and expertly listened and wrote down the instructions, assuring him his privacy and quiet for as long as he needed it.

He got into his room, pulled open the window curtains, unbuttoned his shirt, unplugged the phone in the room and sat down infront of his computer and remained that way for most of the next two weeks. He only took breaks to eat and sleep, showering only twice the entire week. He typed fast and furiously, and his hands got sore. The use of stress balls helped relieve his hands of the pain, for a short while. He wrote of passion, the kind he felt deep within him and suppressed hard when his thoughts strayed for a second. The drama was intense and as his characters began to take shape and have a life of their own, the more he felt he had to capture and write.

With the same fury in which he started writing, he was done. He was still not used to the anti-climax he felt whenever he finished writing and usually felt depressed afterward. He briefly thought about trying to clean up the draft, but he trusted Vienna to do an excellent job of it, she was undeniably the best in the business and so he just hit print. 650 pages!!!

He plugged back the phone and called down to the front desk to ask for a courier service and for dinner - steak, potatoes and a side order of veggies. He was famished. He then did a quick work of brushing his teeth and shaving. He penned a note on the sticky pad to Vienna, placed it on the title page and gave it to the concierge who was going to have it fedexed. After eating, he then soaked in a bath for a while - where was it said that only women took baths. He listened to his messages while he soaked and it was then for the first time he allowed himself to think of Blythe. She had left him two messages and when he heard her voice, he realized that he missed her.

Quickly he rinsed off, got dressed and left the room after calling for house cleaning. He definitely needed fresh sheets and towels. He got a cab and instructed the driver to take him to a store. He picked up a bottle of merlot, pretty array of hibiscus flowers and stopped briefly in the next shop because he couldn't resist a small box of some delightfully looking and hopefully yummy pastries. Back in the cab, he gave the driver directions to Blythe's house.
...........................
It was late Sunday night and she was feeling alone tonight but she did not want to dwell on it. The last two weeks had been busy with her getting ready for the new semester and organizing a baby shower for Simi, which went wonderfully well, she thought to herself. She had dinner with her mother four times over the past two weeks just to make up for her disappearing act and to assure her that seeing Drake was not enough reason to kill herself. She also went on a double - albeit- blind date with Tina, her new boyfriend and his stuck up and plain boring friend/boss. She was still going to kill Tina for setting her up like that, and her brother, Brandon had just left after spending the day together, shopping and watching a movie.

She was exhausted, alone and angry. Two weeks had gone by and she had not heard a word from Nick. That's the thing with expectations, even when you don't realize it they creep up on you subconsciously and unexpectedly. She knew nothing about the guy other than that they had spent two lovely days together, so what made her think he was going to be asking for her hand in marriage? Truth be told she was more mad that he hadn't returned her calls because she had deferred from routine by even calling him, TWICE!!! And he didn't have the decency to return her call. It also did not help that she kept recalling their kiss, over and over again.

Not liking her train of thoughts, she figured it was time to go to bed. She stood up from the couch she had been laying on and walked to turn off the lights when the door bell rang. Who the heck?! She wondered, figuring it was Brandon come back to drop something. She opened the door.
"Hi, I hope you like surprises" Nick said charmingly. His crooked smile spread across his face, giving him the appearance of a love struck teenager as he gave her the flowers.

Accepting the flowers, Blythe said "actually no I don't. Good night Nick and next time pick up a phone." Then she shut the door gently. The dashed look on his face, made her smile as she leaned on the door and put her face in the bouquet inhaling deeply. Hibiscus-her favorite- he remembered.
................

Read Part 1 - Here

Read Part 2 - Here

Read Part 3 - Here

Read Part 4 - Here

Read Part 5 - Here
Read Part 6 - Here

Read Part 7 - Here

Read Part 8 - Here

Read Part 9 - Here

Read Part 10 - Here
Read Part 11 - Here

I hope you like it.
P.s I love you

Praise Wednesday - 25 and Grateful

2011-10-26T01:00:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone, how are you today?

Today is the day the Lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it. A quarter of a century on earth yo, i cannot praise God enough. He has been good to me, even in the midst of my despair, the Lord has provided for me, protected me and blessed me. I have found favor in his sight and that of man because of his mercy that he renews on my life every morning. With the hardships of this year, i can honestly tell you that i did not think i will make it to see this day so my joy is even more full right now. I am grateful and thankful and full of praise for the almighty.

I am also really thankful for my family and friends. My mother, my siblings, my uncles and aunts, family friends and even friends that have been more than family to me. Honestly God put some really wonderful people in my life, like he knew ahead of time that i was going to go through this, but more importantly to love me and pray for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God continue to bless you and keep you and be with you. You will never lack and the Lord will continue to provide for you in every area of your life. With long life shall he continue to keep you in Jesus Name.

You all count in the above prayer, but really my blogger friends and twitter friends, God will really make you bigger o. I mean, i have not met most of you, but i owe you guys so much. For your support, for your friendship, for your prayers, for making me smile. Honestly i could never repay you and i cannot thank you enough. God bless you and yours.

I pray that this is the beginning of a new year for me, a new beginning, a year of restoration and a year of harvest. I pray that i have cried my last tears and i pray that the best is yet to come in my life. That the Lord will order my steps and perfect every thing that concerns me and i shall live rejoicing, possessing my possessions, successful, happy and fulfilling my purpose all the rest of my days.

Happy birthday Miss Myne, i pray the same for you and i wish you all the very best as well. Have a great day.

Shout-out to everyone that has made my day for me so far, its not even been by my birthday for one hour, but i have been celebrating for over a week now. To my "ex" thank you so much, i love my gift & i love you. To Dizzydami, Eze, Amy, Arinze, Bayo, Mercy, my baby sisters, my best friend of course, THANK YOU so much, God bless you.

Oluwa ku ise o - Mike Aremu

Iwo Nikan Logo Ye

Mowa Dupe - Paul Play Dairo

Mo So Rire - Paul Play Dairo

Jehovah/Baba Ese Baba - Gbenga Wise

P.S I Love You

Special Report - Guest Post

2011-10-21T13:30:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone,

Today i divert from the schedule to share this write-up with you. A couple days ago, i got a comment asking me to email back, because the person had a question for me. The person turned out to be David Haas who is very passionate about Cancer and is a member of the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance, who have been serving cancer patients and their families for over 30 years . You can follow them on twitter or facebook and also check out their website.

ATTENTION: I would like to point out that though this is talking about people who have cancer, those of us who are fortunate enough to not have it, can also benefit by changing our lifestyle and exercise habits to PREVENT cancer. Also this information is so so you can help anyone around you who might have cancer. So please share this information, be kind to your body and may God help us all.

Recovering from Cancer through exercise and lifestyle
By: David Haas

A cancer diagnosis can be a life-changing event for many people, but there are several lifestyle changes that a patient can make to improve recovery. While chemotherapy and a medically supervised treatment program are essential for any cancer patient, diet and exercise can have a positive impact on healing times and quality of life. An active lifestyle and exercise helps release endorphins, which work as natural painkillers in the body. During chemotherapy, many patients may experience systemic or generalized pain. Exercise can help reduce chronic pain, while improving patient health. There are many low impact exercises that cancer patients can do during treatment and recovery. Most exercise results in an elevated heart rate and increased breathing rate.

For some patients with cancers such as lung cancer or rare mesothelioma, fast breathing may be painful or impractical. Yoga can be an effective form of exercise for patients, as it concentrates on slow breathing and relaxation. Yoga is a form of exercise where patients hold poses and practice relaxation. Yoga provides low impact movements that tone and exercise the entire body, without putting excessive strain on any individual tendons or joints. For patients who have been sedentary or bedridden, yoga can be a great way exercise the entire body in a safe and relaxing environment.

Swimming is a popular form of exercise therapy. Swimming requires the use of muscles across the entire body, and can range from low intensity to high intensity. Many swimming facilities have instructors trained in physical therapy, who can help cancer patients find the swimming exercises that best meet their individual needs. Cycling or spin classes can also be a great option for many cancer patients. Spin classes allow cancer patients to experience rigorous cardiovascular exercise in a controlled environment. Many spin class instructors can tailor a class to meet each person's individual needs, while allowing group exercise in a fun environment.

Exercise can also be as simple as walking. The National Institute of Health recommends that adults spend at least 30 minutes a day walking, to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Spending time outdoors can be a great way to beat depression, and an excellent way to meet new people. Maintaining a positive attitude is essential during any form of cancer treatment, and meeting new people can be a great way to improve attitude and mood. Exercise can improve health, lower recovery times, and improve mood in many cancer patients. While medical treatment is necessary for many forms of cancer, lifestyle and diet can improve quality of life during recovery.
-----
P.S Special thank you to David Haas for counting my blog worthy to share this information.
P.s.s I Love You. We will have Blithed roses on Sunday.

Praise Wednesday - Late

2011-10-20T10:35:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone,

I actually forgot it was Wednesday yesterday and by the time i remembered it was too late. But i have some songs for you, that i want to share, so here it goes.

Let's continue to remember to give praise to God, for his mercy, his grace, for protection and for uncommon favor, for good health, for provision, for divine restoration, for unusual blessings, for the miracle of sleeping and waking up. Praise him through the good and the bad, praise him at all times. The Lord bless us as we continue to do so.

In Christ Alone

With All I Am - HillSong

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)

You are my God

#Shout-out to my baby sister "Oyinbo" for continuing to help me with my christian music library. Love you baby.

P.s since i pushed things back a day, does that mean i can post Blithed Roses on Saturday rather than Friday, please say yes? :)

P.s.s I Love You

Music Monday - Big things

2011-10-17T20:16:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone, how you doing? I hope you had a relatively good Monday across the globe. I have a cold, which has given me a sinus headache and made the day unnecessary long, but otherwise it was ok. Working on a few things with some friends and i have gotten myself involved in so many projects, i pray that they are all fruitful and worth it at the end of the day. Let's random shall we.

So i was out of town, hence my absence from blogger the past week and though not so much of an excuse because i could have tried to put up a little something, i didn't want to give you a little something and not give you my full attention. I am going to keep with the schedule as it is and keep trying to do my part. Thank you for understanding.

My "ex" is special. Lol, i can't even say anything more on that. I really need to stop loving him tho. I pray it happens soon.

Speaking of boys don't know if I've mentioned it before but right now, i have plenty boys fulfilling my needs bar the physical aspect that i could not even be interested one. E.g My friend told me "Your avatar is sexy as fuck" ergo my attention need for the day. That made me feel very sexy too. The problem becomes when they all get wifeyed up. Till then tho :)

Its exactly a week from my best friends birthday. The many ways i love this girl, i can't properly explain. I wish i could spoil her plenty and i pray i have time for that.

No longer excited about my birthday. Usually always happens that way. Not doing anything too but praise God that i get to see 25. There were many times this year, i was sure i would not. Trust me.

My baby sister is actively trying to get me a present. She's so cute. Did i tell you that she finally decided on a degree "International Relations and Linguistics". The thing is i really wanted her to go to University of Michigan, like i did and my brother, but she really doesn't like the state and she said the school does not offer it (i'm taking her word for it). O well, i can't really force her and all i want is for her to be happy, besides my brother probably won't be staying in Michigan once he's done so i might as well get her somewhere here in Jersey, where i can keep my eyes on her. The girl is too fine for her own good.

There's an ongoing conflict between the part of me that is in love with school and being a Dr of public health and the side of me that wants to be very involved in the entertainment world and be a BOSS at it. I remembered today that getting a C in class gets me sent out of the program, so i need to fix up and just effectively micro-manage myself. Sleep is definitely overrated.

So my roommate, spent all of Saturday night cooking for her boyfriend and dude comes to collect it today and she packs it up and then carries it, i mean she walks after him carrying it for him. Now, i am not even trying to say this is bad, but still sha it rubs me the wrong way. Like i love to cook for my man, ask my ex, i would go and cook up a storm and i have no problems serving it gan, and i totally know that i'm the kind of person who will kneel and serve my man (IF I FEEL LIKE), if he wants me to help him cut up his meat gan, i will. But somehow seeing my roommate do that today really bothered me. Not sure i can explain it. O well, this is why long distances rock, cos if your ass leaves close to me, you better come help me cook and carry your food by yourself. Hian.

I could live comfortably without social media. Can you?

In a different life, in a different time, it would have been me and you.

Thank you so very much for the support on the story. I really appreciate it. I can't believe you guys think its good enough for a book. That really makes me happy.

Nways that's it guys. Wish me luck on my exam on Wed. See you then.

Lauryn Hill ft D'Angelo - Nothing even matters

Lauryn Hill ft Bob Marley - Turn your lights down low

Lauyrn Hill - Just like Water

Lauryn Hill - Love

Lauryn Hill - All my time

Lauryn Hill - Lost Ones

Bonus - Lose Myself - Marsha Ambrosius because i love her cover better than Lauryn Hill's original

P.S I Love You

Blithed Roses - Vineyard tales

2011-10-16T00:34:00.003-04:00

There were was a large throng at the vineyard, which should have been no surprise as it was a popular tourist spot in California but Blythe knew the owner and was able to get them a private tour of the expansive property. Blythe had been there several times before, having met the owner's daughter Shia, on a flight years ago, becoming fast friends and it had quickly become another hideout spot for her in California. She would often go there to just read and get some much needed sleep after bouts of insomnia which occurred more frequently than she cared for. Watching Nick absorb everything for the first time however was so exhilarating, he had an artists' eye and saw everything differently and she could have been walking these grounds for the first time herself, seeing them through his eyes.

Neither of them were able to drive at the end of the tour having consumed way too much wine, so they sat and talked some more, drinking coffee and sharing the food - cake, rum sweet bread, chicken wings, grapes - that Shia had packed for them in a basket. He told her about his new book, which he had yet to give a title to, he usually never did until the book was complete, which he had been told was what made him "different", most writers had a title and then framed their story around it, but he felt that constricted his writing and didn't give him room to explore every possible option. He tended to overwrite, he said, and spent so much time editing, but he felt it was very worth it "Think about it, its like being a painter, they don't name the painting and then start to draw or paint, that's putting the cart before the horse".

He talked and she listened, interrupting him only to ask questions. His voice was captivating and she imagined him reading Christmas stories to their kids. Wooo there!!!! Stop. Their Kids?? It was like a cold shower poured on Blythe, what was she thinking? She had just met this guy, and on the 3rd day of ever setting eyes on him, she was already thinking of babies with him. Damn biological clock was ticking on overdrive and it was time to head back to reality, she hoped neither her parents or friends had called the police, looking for her.

"Hello, anybody there?" Nick said
"O, i'm sorry my mind wandered. I think i'm good enough to drive now, we should head out, the drive back is long."
"Oh!!!! Then we should. I could drive you know. You don't have to"
"Would you? That will be nice. I'm actually kind of sleepy" she said, yawning.
"How about you plug in your address on my phone while i pack up, i'll take you home and take a cab from there"
"Sounds good, thank you. I had a nice day Nick"
"It was all your doing, thank you for sharing this with me"

After saying bye to Shia and her family, Nick drove them out of the vineyard and on to the highway, and soon after Blythe was curled and asleep on the passenger seat leaving Nick with his thoughts, ruminating over the last couple minutes at the vineyard. He had been watching her closely while he spoke and had seen as well as felt it when she "left". Something or someone had crossed her mind and suddenly a cloud of sadness had covered her face, and it bothered him that they will be ending the night this way with that image in his mind, rather than the image of her after their kiss earlier. That made him smile and increasing the volume of the radio he sang along to the songs the rest of the ride.

"Let's get you in Blythe, can you walk?" Nick said, ready to carry her in.
She barely moved. "You are home Blythe, what's your apartment number?" he continued trying to rouse her up.
Groggy, Blythe straightened up. "I can't believe i slept the entire way, i hardly ever sleep when strangers are behind the wheel. I guess i was more tired than i thought"
Laughing "You call me a stranger, even after kissing me and spending the night in my room?" Nick replied.
"You know what i meant, thank you so much for driving me home. Do you want to come in and call a cab inside?" She said coming out of the car.
"I should probably go, don't want to take advantage of you once i get inside"
"Then you should go. Good Night Nick" Blythe said, slightly disappointed, reaching out she gave him a hug.
"Good Night Blythe Thomas, he said" and kissed her cheeks.

He watched as she walked into the building, resisting the urge to follow her, pulling out his phone from his back pockets, he called for a cab and waited. Blythe got upstairs and hitting the voice-mail button of the home phone she slumped into the love seat

"Hi Blythe, couldn't find you at the party soon after your speech. Thank you for making my day so special, call me soon." Erica
"Hi sweetheart, this is Tina. I left numerous messages on your cell phone. Please call me."
"Hello Blythe, this is Simi. Now i am just mad at you, this is no way to behave, having me worried, you know i'm pregnant. I would come look for you myself, if i was not on bed rest. Call me"
"Blythe, this is your mother. Tina and Simi both called here looking for you. They mentioned you seeing Drake. Please call me back, i am worried."
"Hey sis, what rock are you under now? Your moms called me more times than is acceptable for a grown man. I know you are fine, but send me a text or something, ok. Drake is still a loser, you should not spend one more minute thinking about him."

That made her smile, her cell phone contained even much more messages, but she refused to even listen to them, deleting them all, except for the few that were important. She quickly wrote a few lines and sent the same text to everyone, promising to call them all in the morning. Tonight she wanted to sleep with memories of the weekend spent with Nick. She stood up and walked to the window, right on time too because he was about to enter the cab and just then he turned and looked towards her direction. She could not be sure, but she thought he might have seen her and she coulda sworn he smiled at her. She smiled back, closed the curtains, stripped completely and fell asleep right there on the couch.

That was two weeks ago...
--------------------

Read Part 1 - Here

Read Part 2 - Here

Read Part 3 - Here

Read Part 4 - Here

Read Part 5 - Here
Read Part 6 - Here

Read Part 7 - Here

Read Part 8 - Here

Read Part 9 - Here

Read Part 10 - Here

---------------------
Don't kill me. SORRY. Let me know what you think. Will explain on Monday. Good Night.
P.S I LOVE YOU

Praise Wednesday - What a life

2011-10-05T20:41:00.000-04:00

Honestly wasn't inspired to write anything today, just not feeling very christian like lately but then i go on Tumblr and i see that Steve Jobs passed (RIP) and that hurt a little. Not because i am a big apple fan, like my friend said if all you have is an ipod/iphone you really cannot call yourself an apple fan, but because that was somebody that impacted this world and 56yrs is just too short. Of course, we can argue that he had already served his purpose and what more can one ask for.

I guess my point is that i want to be someone who makes an impact in this life, i want to live everyday of my life fulfilling my purpose. I am not entirely sure that i am doing right now, but i pray that God has mercy on me and graces me enough to do that starting now.

I pray that we all find that same grace like Steve had to be impactful in this life. I pray that Cancer never befall us and our families and friends and on that final day when he calls us to him, we would have truly lived a wonderful and blessed life.

I charge you to do your own part, Christian or not, we all have the grace and strength to make something of ourselves but furthermore to make a difference in this world. I don't know about you, but i want to die knowing that people will miss me and i don't know if that sounds bad, but i know of some people who have left this world and folks said "good riddance". But more than that, i actually want to live, life is definitely not worth it, if i can't make any change, i might as well just go to heaven and chill. So for everyday that we are alive, lets make the best of it. God bless us all.

Tramaine Hawkins - I never lost my praise

Don Moen - Take Me Deeper

Darlene Zsech - Lord i give myself

Kirk Franklin - Give Me ft Mali Music

P.S I Love You

Music Monday - Hello

2011-10-03T22:58:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone, here's a relatively quick post ( you all know that i don't do quick right?) because i need to get back to the books.

School is a bitch if there was ever one. Like who sent me tori Olorun? Sigh, i just need to state that my mates are making money. Infact, on Saturday my friend took me to a friends house and these boys only have bachelor degrees o and you should see their place, they even got a decorator to design their crib. The TV was like from one side of my current room to the other side, no joke, it was like 4D on the freaking screen , i could see the characters right by me. BACHELORS DEGREE o, and me i am doing PhD and don't have 20bucks from one week to the next. Its ok. God dey. Unfortunately for me sha, they are both Muslims ( my religious preference being that my man be Christian). God in heaven please don't let them be reading my blog and i don't know o. In any case i have been in this cold library for way too long and will be here for another 4hours.

So for those of you who don't like music, how did you make it through College? Cos i swear if there was no music, i would never have made it through. Me that if i remember the song, i can remember what i studied. Again i thank God for artists all over the world.

But if God really hates that we listen to secular music, it appears that i might go to hell. I really hope that is not the case, because i am not sure how you can separate me from music.

I am hoping to go to Florida for my birthday, i pray it works out.

It is COLD. My goodness. Its just October, wth? Sigh, i am not ready.

Speaking of October, its Breast Cancer Month. Please check out your breasts, eat well, exercise regularly, and know your family history.

Speaking of health, my ex called me a nag cos i wanted him to go see a doctor. My friend is having to undergo a surgery in a couple days and i feel especially bad for not nagging her well enough to have gone to the doctor earlier. So please, please, please get checked out when you notice things wrong with your health, don't always chuck it up to normal sturvs, especially women. You need to be aware of your body enough, you can easily notice a difference. More importantly, when you go to the doctors speak out and requests for test. Also for those of us that live in the 'diaspora' its easy to chuck things as not being possible, you are Nigerian, and the truth is things that are probably uncommon in Nigeria are very likely to happen to you, the longer you live here. Please guys, lets just try to take care of ourselves, Olorun o ni je ka ri bi o. Ami. Please also pray for my friend.

Back to it being October, my birthday is 23 days away. Excited.
Also more importantly, tomorrow is my anniversary i have been anticipating this day for about a month now. I pray to never celebrate such a day again in my life. Furthermore i hope i actually make it through the day without crying and just take it for what it is and let go.

O, its one of my fav people's birthday tomorrow too. Pastor Kunle as i like to call him. Happy birthday hon, God Bless you and make his face shine upon you, he will take you from strength to strength and increase your ways in Jesus Name. Have a good day.

So who sent me to take an online class o? Rubbish. Never again. I probably, shouldn't say never sha. The other day, i said i didn't want to do something and when i say something, it stays. My word is my bond. In the instances that i haven't, i have regretted it (my ex) or people will crucify me, lol. Anyways, i had said something earlier in the day and by afternoon i had a chance to break it (God works in mysterious ways no?) and i did break it. Anyways, i'm hoping by doing so, the opportunity i heard about a job, comes through this time.

I met someone this weekend, who confirmed a lot of things i already knew. On a personal level and on a business level, i know God saved me. Still, i want what i want you know. Its kinda sad, cos you want your first time to be your last time and in a way i really believe my first time is the last time. I guess i can only hope not and that God's plan becomes clear, sometimes in the near future, much later rather than sooner tho.

Lol, i just spoke in Parables. You all are a smart, you will figure it out.

Shout out to Miss Juwon for making me skip class for an event though, it was well worth it and i had a blast. Love you boo. Shout-out to Miss D for hosting me this weekend and feeding me yam and egg (you don't know how much this meant to me) and for Miss A for coming out as well.

You see, i told you it could never be short. Lol

Enjoy the music, love you, God bless you all and thank you.

Ed Sheeran - Kiss Me - This dude is all kinds of awesome, you should def cop his album *Warning* Single girls, this might make you cry

Jay Sean - Waiting in Vain - I am so impressed with what this dude did with this song. On repeat for me

Bei Maejor - Till we get it right - Dude is definitely going to be a star.

And last but not least, especially as it is very apt to me right now is Cee-Lo Green - You promised me love

True story tho - 'I am no longer her'

Ok that's it my love, goodnight.

P.S I Love You.

Blithed Roses - The first kiss

2011-09-30T21:47:00.002-04:00

There are few things as intoxicating as the first kiss. It remains the most intimate thing that occurs between a man and a woman, second only to having a child together. That might be surprising to some of you and you might not agree but take a minute now to think about your very first kiss. Too long ago to remember right? But for those of you who can, do you remember how magical it was? How special you felt as you closed your eyes and took it all in, drowning the sound of your pounding your heart.

Most women however wait a lifetime to meet a guy that will kiss them and have them raise their one leg, like they watched in movies and Blythe was not different. Kissing has always been a big deal to her, and in the two years since Drake no guy had come close to kissing like he did. Another reason why she still remained single was the fact that the few guys she had been on dates with were horrible kissers, of the very worst kind. Too sloppy, too eager, too much teeth, too much tongue - all just very gross.

There was nothing gross about this current kiss however, and devoid of any thought, Blythe kissed Nick with everything she had and he kissed her back with equal pleasure. Her small lips were just perfect for his and fused perfectly together, creating a melody that was unique as it was exciting and when Blythe felt like she could take no more and wanted to feel Nick close to her she leaned in to him and in doing so leaned on the horn, the honk tearing them apart.

"I'm so sorry" - she said
"Nothing to be sorry about. That was WOW!!" Nick replied, laughing.
"I know, i'm so embarrassed we don't even know each other"
"I beg to differ, a kiss tells a lot and by God were you talking a lot right now"
"Really, what did my kiss tell you about me?"

Again the incessant thought that he had found his one came floating to his mind but he quickly pushed that away. This was simply lust, and the bulge in his pants agreed with him, any guy will go crazy with the way she kissed. Her small lips possessed a certain sweetness, he had been shocked by and where he would normally take charge, he let her as they savored each others mouth. Nick wanted to tell her that it made him want to have her right there and then, and then spend the next week and the rest of his life pleasuring her in ways that she could only imagine, but he thought better of it.

Leaning in to her, he kissed her lightly and said
"that you are passionate" then he kissed her again
"that you are bold" kissing her yet again
"that you are strong" another kiss
"and equally delicate" yet another kiss
"and that before we both go somewhere neither of us is ready for, we should probably leave this car."

Exiting the car, Blythe staggered a lil bit, needing to hold on to the car to avoid falling out-rightly.
She had gotten her 'weak knees' kiss for the first time, and she was sure to never forget this, she was thinking when Nick interrupted her thoughts.

"I have never actually been to a winery, this is exciting."

To be continued ----

Read Part 1 - Here

Read Part 2 - Here

Read Part 3 - Here

Read Part 4 - Here

Read Part 5 - Here
Read Part 6 - Here

Read Part 7 - Here

Read Part 8 - Here

Read Part 9 - Here

Hi guys, this is a short one, but i thought it was appropriate this way, either that or i am being lazy so forgive me. Let me know what you think.

P.s I Love You

Praise Wed

2011-09-28T19:40:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone, hope you have had a great week so far. I have a couple songs for you and a question as well.

I have all this dreams, all these things i want to do, and not just do them but to be successful in big ways at and i wonder is that a problem? Like maybe i think i'm bigger than myself. Maybe that's why God ignores me, because i'm not focusing on him but on all the things i want to do, things i consider good things by the way, you know the many ways i can contribute to the society and change generations. Is wanting too much a problem, i guess is my question? The Bible says we should put our focus on God and ALL things will be given to us, and i'll be the first to tell you that i can barely focus on any one thing at a given time. I can't even pray for 30minutes without some other thoughts filtering into my head, so maybe that's a thing. And maybe that's the thing, in my head all these things i want to do is for others right, so why won't God want to see me accomplish them? but is it possible that i just want to see my name in lights and be given accolades and that is my motive and God can truly see that, even though i do not think so?

Nways i just thought i might ask, in case anyone can help with that. Enjoy the songs and have a blessed rest of the week.

You Alone are God - Deitrick Haddon

Mighty God - Deitrick Haddon

At the end of the day though, all i want to hear from God is Well Done like this song says

Well Done - Deitrick Haddon

I really hate odd numbers, but didn't want to break the theme of the songs, so that's it for today. God bless.

P.S I LOVE YOU

Music Monday

2011-09-26T02:30:00.001-04:00

Hello everyone, how are you doing? Welcome to the last week of September. I am so excited because October is around the corner. The best month ever people, hands down without a doubt cos your baby girl was born in October some 25years ago *smiles sheepishly*.

So i was in the hospital like i mentioned on Friday. I was so sure that i had a brain aneurysm and i was so scared for the first time in my life. I am so glad to be better, and let me just tell you that migraines are truly from the devil. They pumped in two different, powerful meds in me via an IV port before i found relief, but its all good now and i thank God. Will have to go back in later for some scans to make sure all is indeed well in there.

So again sorry for not putting up Blithed Roses, like i said each post i write off the top of my head and i thought i will be caught up with school work soon enough to post something yesterday but i am still behind, so except it on Friday as usual.

So as i was crying cos i was in pain, i realized the fact that i was not only alone, but for the first time in my life, i felt lonely. I had never experienced that feeling before and that made me cry so much harder and then i started thinking i was going to die and i'll be alone and no one will even be able to come get my body for days. Lol, let me just tell you i have reconsidered marriage men, i need somebody to even pretend that i mattered to them if i were to die. It also made me sad when i though of the fact that my mum is often alone, sigh, i wish she would remarry though.

But shout-out to friends though, a couple of my friends called around when they found out i was sick to get me a ride to the hospital, to have people check on me and just generally checking on me to make sure i was ok and i ate and all. God will continue to bless you and shout-out to you all for the comments, i really appreciate it.

Other than that, there is nothing much going on. I've been so focused on school, otherwise i am listening to music, or trying to catch up on tv shows, which is highly impossible btw. I confess i have 'snuck' in some movies too as well. Fall Tv is awesome, but omo graduate school won't even let me and this is me not working yet, what happens when i start to work? My already bad sleeping habits will be infinitely worse.

I miss "us" everyday and moving on has not been easy as i expected it to be, but i am good with it all and i am looking forward to the next relationship when i am ready, 2years from now, after i am done with school. Yes Boss, serious music, world famous. Lol.

In other news, i have been avoiding controversial topics lately. I don't know i guess maybe cos there are a lot of people already on the issue, i don't feel like my opinion really matters, but also i have decided in cases when all i can do is talk and not actually do anything, its best i keep my mouth shut. Maybe i'm just chicken sha, but either ways i see a lot of interesting things via social media and i pray for Nigerians at large, may God deliver us all.

Nways that's about it. I hope you are all doing well. Have a great week, with good health and be blessed

Chykay ft Falz - Lies
Please Chykay can sing, dammitt!

ShowDemCamp ft Lucci - Waiting
Watch out for my review of SDC's album on wepluggoodmusic.com and you should def go cop it as well

Tyrese - Stay
I CANNOT wait for his album to come out

Trey Songz - One Love
And because this song just came on, on the itunes and it made me think of happy times.

P.S I Love You

Sorry

2011-09-24T18:24:00.001-04:00

Hi Guys,

Was in the hospital yesterday so could not write anything. Trying to feel better, and hopefully will have something for you tomorrow.

God Bless.

P.s I Love You

Praise Wednesday

2011-09-21T19:55:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone, how are you doing? Hoping you are having or had a good day as the case might be. Today's song's are by my lovely, beautiful and very smart sister, Oyinbo. Thank you so much baby.

I wasn't going to write anything at all but i thought i should say this. If you are in America and even if you aren't, you might have heard about Troy Davis. He was meant to have been executed 24mins ago, but as i speak there is a delay of execution which we hope will be a stay of execution. What i want to point out is the exclamation of "THERE IS A GOD" when the delay was announced.

There is a God,
in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening.
There is a God,
in the bad times and in the good times.
There is a God,
If Troy Davis is executed or he is not.
There is a God;
when our loved ones die at young ages,
in egregious ways & for no good reasons.
There is a God,
even when your needs/desires/wants are not met.

There is a God, lets never forget that. We tend to always need him for miracles, but that you are awake and alive and healthy is a miracle in itself. That you walk with your two legs, can type, can eat, can use the bathroom, those are miracles. And this is in no way to lessen the Miracle of the delay, i just wanted to remind us to always have that zeal for God at all times. Let us scream "There is a God" when we wake up and when we sleep and at every point in our lives. Nways i'm not a preacher, this is as much a reminder to me as it is for anyone else that might need it.

Nobody Greater -Vashawn Mitchell

You Hold My World - Israel Houghton

While i'm waiting - John Waller

No one like you - Kirk Franklin

Have a good rest of the week guys.
P.S I Love You

Music Monday

2011-09-19T21:00:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone. How are you doing? Hope you had a fantastic weekend. I did what I've been doing a lot of recently which is taking my sweet time doing nothing. Again, i come back to something I've struggled with a lot this year and that is discipline. I just don't feel like i have been committed/focused/passionate and disciplined as i have always been. Its been a hard year i guess, but i need to fix up. I just need to fix up. In other for me to be successful, i need to start to walk the talk, starting today.

Allow me ramble for a bit though...

I do not know maths. I was telling a friend of mine this the other day and he was cracking up, but i honestly don't know maths. I literally count 2 +2 by hand, no joke, one of the biggest ways to make me look stupid is if you ask me how old someone is today if they were born say in 1976? I actually cannot tell you that without using a calculator. I've also come to the conclusion that one of the reasons why this is so, is because i am bad at recalling things even though i can see them. Let me explain. So i cannot recall to you right now all the chapters of the Bible, if you asked me to open it in the Bible, i know exactly where Nahum is for example. I cannot tell you what letter 'L' is after without reciting the alphabets and i could not recall all 36 states(its still 36 right?) in Nigeria but if you drew a map for me, i could fill them in. Nways just wanted to share some of my flaws with you :)

I'm convinced that Chinese people worship onion and think its the cure to every disease there is. Don't believe me? See for yourself. That was more than half of the food btw.

Some study was conducted that mentions the fact that given the same identical resume, employers were more likely to pick the American name than the black name. Even before i saw this study i have often told people that i believe this is one of the reasons why i haven't attained a job. Like even in Nigeria, i bet seeing Olubukunola Oluwanifemi, can be scary looking on a resume. I however refuse to change my name. I have acquiesced and now i put a short name in parenthesis, but i refuse to change my name, neither are my children getting any English name or some funkyfied version of their name. I am very proud of my name and best believe my name is going to be a name to be remembered, so they might as well start getting used to it. Finish.

I just thought i ought to remind us all on here that Gods second greatest commandment was and is "Love your neighbor as yourself". Now i believe that half the problem is a lot of folks do not truly understand the meaning of love and or do not believe in it at all and the other is that folks most not truly love themselves. But hey, what do i know?

I am going to be 25 yo. I am so excited and knowing me once the week is here, i won't be but for now. I am excited. I have decided i am taking a cake to school on the day and the day before and the day after as well. Now i do not like cakes, but because i am going to be spending it completely alone i figure i might as well not wallow in depression and make a thing of it. With that said o, i am accepting birthday gifts o, so you can like to place your order now, i don't want multiple people getting me the same thing. Lol

So who read the idiotic thing Brad Pitt said about Jennifer Aniston. First off the fool just needs to shut up, secondly if you have nothing good to say about your ex, please why mention them at all. You should lock that memory somewhere deep where no one can recover it and keep it moving.

So i was telling a friend that if i were him i would be getting all my lovers to by stuff for each other. Maybe i have watched too many movies, but i believe that i have the ability and if i were such that could have multiple lovers, i would have them be taking care of each other directly. He argues that he could not get gender specific gifts from one girl to the other and i don't see why not. What do you think guys? I was all mouth that day, like i had done it before, but i haven't, still i think i totally could.

Speaking of friends, i feel bad that so many people remember me from like camp, or some lesson and i don't remember them and its amazing how many people i went to school with, same class and everything and i don't remember saying a single word to them. I am not a snob, never been and i hear that people think i used to front, which is so not the case either. I was and continue to be so distant tho, i def live in my own vacuum, unaware of those around me except they for some reason inject themselves in my life. I however i am not sure if this is something to change cos there is a certain naivety in my life that i truly enjoy and as such i am not exposed and vulnerable and i can protect myself. But is that truly life then?

As usual i have over-randomed (i just made up that word, please feel free to use it). So imma share just two songs. Someone on twitter had mentioned "Get rich or die trying" being a classic and i totally agree. I was such a gangster back in the day yo, and i knew every line to this album and 50's next album. Nways, enjoy and have a great week, will be back on Wednesday. Take care.

P.S I Love You

Blithed Roses - The Morning After...Part 2.

2011-09-19T02:34:00.000-04:00

"I hope you ordered for two" he said, smiling.

"Yes, i did. Thought you might be hungry after your run". Blythe replied as she ushered him in to the room.

"Quick, let's get married"

"Excuse me!!" Seeing him bent over in laughter, she joined in.

"You are silly"

"You should have seen your face, will it be so bad to be married to me?" replied Nick.
"I would think not, No. However, had i said no, i might have hurt your feelings"

"Indeed."

"And, had i said yes, you would have labelled me crazy"

"Actually yes, i would have left this room and never looked back"

"I promise you i am not that crazy, i have some baggage and I've been called weird but not crazy"

"Ha, the elephant in the room!! I wondered who would bring it up first. Can i at least start to eat, i am famished." He said reaching for the plate of eggs, toast and sausages.

"A girl who remembers how i like my eggs after just one conversation, we really should get married" He said.

"It was more of a guess actually, i had forgotten but you don't look the sort that would like his eggs runny"

"Real men don't eat eggs of that nature" Nick retorted

They remained silent for a while as they enjoyed their food, both eating a little more slowly than they normally would. Nick wondered if he could deal with the fact that he might find out that she is unavailable to him and Blythe wondering if being completely honest with him was the way to go on this. She looked at the time and saw that she had about an hour to check out of the room. She decided then that she didn't want to have this conversation here, she needed air. Standing up, she dropped her plates and searched for her keys.

"What do you have planned for the rest of today, Nick?"

"I keep my days unplanned, when i come out to write. What are you looking for?"

"I'm looking for my keys, i need to be checked out of here in an hour and i thought i might show you around town"

"Sounds great, let me go get my camera and a note pad, maybe change my shirt, meet you down in 10 minutes" He said this, as he moved quietly behind her.

"Sure, i still need to find my keys."

"You mean, these keys" Nick said, reaching out his hands to bring her up and drawing her close at the same time.

He reached out to brush his fingers gently across her face

"I want to kiss you. But i need to know that if i do, it won't be the last time and that you don't belong to another."

"I do not. But i think its best, i told you about my past before you kissed me. You might not be so willing then."

"That is not likely. I will go now, and meet you at the lobby and hold you to the kiss for a later time". Giving her the keys, he kissed her cheeks and left.

Blythe could not believe that she had held her composure, when she had wanted to beg him to kiss her as she looked into his eyes. Seeing in his eyes how much he wanted her had made her giddy and powerful. Leaving the room, she headed to the lobby to check out and wait, but not for long cos Nick arrived just as she was done. He carried her bags, as they walked towards her car.

"What's a Californian without a convertible huh?

"Tell me about it, it cost me an arm and a leg but i was determined to have one. You know that dream of having my hair blowing wild with the wind, the scarf around my neck, in my dark shades, as i cruised around? Just had to have it."

"Remind me to put that in my book"

"You should see plenty to put in your book where we are headed" she said driving out of the parking lot and headed towards the highway.

Nick was soon lost in the scenery, taking pictures of everything he saw, things that could inspire him when he wrote, he said. She was taking him to a winery and the route there possessed one of the best scenery in all of California. They were about halfway into their journey when Nick turned to her and said;

"Who is Drake? I need to know"

Blythe took her time before responding,

"Drake is the man i thought i would spend the rest of my life with. We were together for five years and we have been apart for two years. I saw him again for the first time since then on Friday, at my friends engagement party."

"That's why you were at the hotel? You were there to hide."

"Yes, i am a little ashamed at it too and i am sure my parents and friends are worried sick with my disappearing act, but it was just such a shock to see him again after all those years"

"Do you miss him?"

"No, i do not. I miss what we had, and i still wonder what part i might have played in him ending the relationship, but no i do not miss him."

"But if you still mention him in your dreams, it might mean that you still love him, don't you think? and maybe you are not so over him as you thought"

"I haven't been with a guy in two years Nick, so i have no way to know that I've been calling out Drake's name while i sleep. But you have to understand that i had just seen a man i once loved deeply and obviously a lot of past memories have been evoked."

"I do understand and that is why i want to know. I did not have to mention it, but i enjoyed spending the night with you and i want to be able to do that again, and that can't happen if you are in love with someone else"

" I am not in love with him, not anymore but i wonder if you can ever stop loving someone. All i can say is that i see no scenario where he can ever be in my life again"

"Never say never, my dear"

"And in most areas of my life, i would agree with you but not when it comes to my heart. For whatever reasons, he did not believe in us enough to stay together, he has moved on and i just want to do the same."

"So i'll be your rebound guy then"

"Yes"

"Surprisingly enough, i am ok with that"

"You could also be more than just a rebound"

"Might just stick to being the rebound guy, i get to have plenty of sex that way"

Blythe hit him across the chest playfully and continued to drive.

A couple minutes passed before Nick spoke.

"I will like to be more than your rebound guy"

"What did you say?"

"I said, i want to be more than your rebound guy. I don't know much about love, fate or destiny, i just know that two people who meet and have a connection as strong as the kind between us, ought to explore it and savor it. So i'll be patient, till you are ready and just see how this works out"

By this time Blythe had stopped driving, having reached their destination. She turned around to face him and said

"I'll take that kiss now"

And so he obliged....

----------------------------------

Its still Sunday in California. Sorry guys, i blame twitter, plus the Emmy's, plus me sleeping half the day away. Nways i hope you like it, its off the top of my head and i don't know, i just hope it reads good. Thank you for all the support and Music Monday will be up as usual, but much later in the day. Enjoy and God Bless.

Read Part 1 - Here

Read Part 2 - Here

Read Part 3 - Here

Read Part 4 - Here

Read Part 5 - Here
Read Part 6 - Here

Read Part 7 - Here

Read Part 8 - Here

A must read for everyone..

2011-09-18T18:18:00.000-04:00

I saw this on tumblr which directed me to the full post and i just thought i should share because these are some of the things that i am trying to implement in my life right now. Now, a part of me argues that having the opportunity/money/means is one of the reasons why a lot of people can actually realize their dreams. Cos i don't have money to buy food much less up and leave to go and do some of the things that i will actually love to do. With that said, a lot of the lessons he share's are no respecter of position, and will elevate you in every area of your life, i believe. Take your time to read them, save a copy and implement them as needed and God willing, all our dreams will come true.

18 lessons by Huda Hassan:

Last September, I accepted an internship with a magazine anddecided to take a temporary break from school. Confused as to what I wanted topursue in life, I discovered myself experiencing a world outside of my safetyblanket for the first time in 15 years. During this time off, I gainedinvaluable experience to place on my resume and numerous life lessons. I was published(both print and online), explored photography (film & digital) whichwill lead to my first exhibit this October, worked alongside editors (VervegirlMagazine, Fuel Inc and Pound Magazine); experienced interviews (both in frontand behind the camera) and gained numerous other forms of experience as anaspiring journalist. My time off was full of crucial lessons, self-reflection,mistakes, self-realizations, learning and change. In all sincerity, it has beenthe best form of education I have received as of yet.

As I started to prepare for my return to school thissemester, I began to take note of some of the many lessons I acquired during mytime off.

Please yourself before you please others; being the eldest of two brothers, I have the habit of sometimes placing the needs of others before my own. As sweet and lovely as it may sound, it has been more damaging for my own personal health and state of mind as an individual. As I recognized this trait, I slowly began to address it.
Organization. This was one of my very first lessons during my first internship. Today, I roll everywhere I go with four essential items: 1) my agenda; 2) notebook; 3) pen, and lastly, sticky notes (test me the next time you see me!). These four simple objects keep me on track with everything that I’m doing and everything that I should be doing. As a student and/or employee, this is imperative in order to stay on track.
Punctuality. This was another significant lesson. With your employees, superiors, co-workers, or even friends… punctuality equates respect. There is nothing more irritable than tardiness and it’s the best way to show how little you care about anything or anyone.
Avoiding procrastination. This was a tough foible to kick, and it still is. Although my mama may disagree at times, I’d [now] rather sacrifice a good night worth of sleep opposed to saving a task for later that could easily be completed at that moment.
Making my bed each morning; This really only means starting my day off on a productive note. Personally, nothing makes me feel more accomplished than a clean environment. Making my bed each morning really meant starting my day off on a positive and productive note in hopes that my day would continue on the same.
A positive attitude towards everything and everyone. A number of things contribute towards a positive attitude. Trying to conquer this was mentally rewarding and kept me healthy and happy.
Education isn’t only found within an academic institution. I grew up with an ignorant mentality as to what constitutes “education”. There is a world outside of my campus, something I sincerely found hard to comprehend before taking this year off. Use education to your advantage but don’t limit it as the only means of acquiring knowledge.
The significance of critical thinking. I came to the realization that this wasn’t something I learned within school. Instead, I learned the opposite. Not only as a writer, but a member of this society, I learned the significance of putting the world around me into critical perspective.
Settling with a career choice. I’ve learned that there isn’t a specific career in mind that I plan to pursue but many. I’ve learned that narrowing it down to one, as I’ve been taught to do so, is partially foolish. Instead, I have in mind issues/topics/fields I’d like to address, hoping to use several mediums I am passionate about (writing, photography, film) to explore and approach them.
Recognizing the beauty in being an individual; A significant source of insecurity can be the consistent comparison to others around you, creating a false idea as to who or what you should be. Although this is a lesson/recognition I’m still in the process of working on each day, I’ve acknowledged that I am an individual with my own story and that there is a profound beauty to this.
The value of “me” time. For 4-5 months last summer/fall, I made the decision to get rid of my phone and keep to myself as much as possible [funny that every time I share this with someone, the first question tends to be: “were you broke?!”] For the first time, I gave myself quality “me” time, attempting to keep at a distance from the world around me as I tried to figure a few things out. Every so often, I attempt to do this when I have a day off by cutting off all communication with the world for a few hours and enjoying an evening by myself to relax.
Responsibility; after spending a year interning and working for various publications/organizations this year, I’ve learned that once given a specific role or duty, to acknowledge that you are accountable for fulfilling it to the best of your ability. This isn’t a habit that should stop once you leave work. Organization and punctuality play into this significantly, of course.
Family time. While I went on a temporary “hiatus” from the world, a lot of time was spent with my family members, and so happened to be the most loving time spent. Surrounding yourself with those who genuinely love you and care for your well-being is always vital and healthy.
Learning to love. This one may take more than a few sentences to properly explain, but self-love is the greatest (and most crucial) type of love one can encounter. While learning to be more comfortable with who I am as an individual and learning to love myself, it became easier to love others and keep a loving energy around me.
Travelling with a notebook and an agenda. Any writer can easily understand the significance to travelling with a notebook. Travelling with an agenda (even if it was during an evening out with friends) helped keep me on track with all upcoming tasks and responsibilities – something integral for a human who shares a similar (lack of) memory as myself.
Health. A lot of things can be mentioned here. First and foremost, I’m a cyclist. Traveling from location to location within the city on my bike accumulated throughout the day to at least an hour or more worth of exercise. This kept me healthy mentally and physically. A well nights sleep everyday (if possible) is always vital, particularly if you can keep it consistent. This helps keep your mind clear and focused. Being a vegetarian forced me to have healthier options when eating. Drinking a lot of water is always a must, especially during a busy day. (Other tips: travelling with multivitamins, iron supplements, etc. during hectic days where you may not be too focused on what you put into your body). I’m not the healthiest human being in the world, but this was something I learnt to place more focus on.
Meeting people. Through various organizations that I was associated with, networking became a significant part of my job and life. One significant lesson: Be genuine with everyone you meet. Never fear saying what is on your mind or how you may appear. It isn’t hard to sense ingenuity from a person. Acknowledge that not every person you encounter may love you as a person, and this will help you fight that fear of being yourself .
Lastly, but not least: being fearless. This is Milca’s favourite line. It’s a challenge we all face, once way or another. With my craft, I had to repeatedly learn to be fearless. You are not perfection and you should never expect yourself to be. This also meant ignoring any skeptical or doubtful thoughts and jumping for new opportunities and experiences. Mistakes may come along the way, some minor and some major, but everything comes with a valuable lesson.

-------

P.S I Love You

Blithed Roses - The Morning After...Part 1.

2011-09-16T20:22:00.002-04:00

He touched her like it was the first time,
(was it the first time?)
like he had never felt her body in this way before,
(his hands felt a little unfamiliar)
(Who was he?)
she wanted to watch him, look at her and touch her, like he was doing,
(Why are my eyes closed?)
She had on blindfolds, she needed to take them off.
(Noooooooooo.)

"Don't stop. Why did you stop?"
"Don't take it off. That was the deal, take it off before i want you to and i stop"
"I just want to see you"
"Use your hands Blythe or your mouth, but right now i just want you to feel, don't think, just feel."
"This is so not fair"
"I can stop if you want"
"No, don't you dare."
He laughed and kissed her deeply.

Felt, she did.
She had no choice actually as her brain stopped functioning,
The sensations taking over and orgasms raking over her body,
over and over and over again as his hands, and his mouth savored every inch of her.
Just as he was about to finally make use of the one part of his anatomy that she needed the most,
he took off the blindfolds and she saw him for the first time.

Nick.
She smiled and
woke up.
It was just a dream. Her instantaneous disappointment was quickly replaced by the fact that for the first time in a long time, the man in her dream was not Drake and not whatever celebrity she was crushing on that week. She smiled once more, stretching and standing up, to check out her surroundings. It did not appear that Nick slept out here. Where was he? They had an awesome night; He was charming without effort, confident and funny, he appeared knowledgeable about almost everything and his ability to take cheap shots at himself, she found so appealing. Where was Nick? She wondered again as she walked into the room, she heard no water running from the bathroom and thought she had a quick chance to brush her teeth and freshen up before he returned.

The post it note, stuck on the mirror, stopped her dead in her tracks.
"Went for a run. Didn't want to wake you up. Called up for a toothbrush for you, just incase you need it. Don't run away. P.s. Who is Drake? ---- Nick"
Drake!!!! How did he know Drake? She ran into the room to check her phone for any missed calls. Did Drake call and Nick picked up the phone? No missed calls, of course, because she had put off her phone at some point during the night when the incessant calls from her friends would not cease. She must have mentioned his name in her sleep. She ruined it already. Drake had been out of her life for more than two years and yet he continued to haunt every area of her life. "SCREW YOU, DRAKE" she screamed out loud to no one in particular. She had to fix this, she will be honest with Nick and tell him the truth and hope he still liked her. They could be friends at least. Who was she kidding? She wanted to be more than friends as was clearly indicated by her dreams.

"Someone from my past, will explain later.. Need to freshen up. Meet me in my room. #1206 -----Blythe" she replied, and left his room. Rather than taking the elevator, she took the stairs down to her floor. Once in her room, she proceeded to freshen up, deciding not to shower, she had to be out of the room in less than two hours, having only gotten it for three days. She got her things together, called for some breakfast, made some coffee and wondered who will come to the door first, room service or Nick. She waited, nervously.

***************
Nick ran himself harder, going two miles more than the regular two miles he ran everyday. He had not slept much last night and he needed to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling that ran through his spine. Jealousy? A trait that was unfamiliar to him, so he could not define it. Insecurity? He could see no reason why that would be? Whatever the case, she had baggage in form of someone called Drake, and experience had taught him that only a superhero could handle the load of most women and he was no super hero, he was just a man. Nonetheless, he was intrigued by all he had seen by Blythe yesterday. Her laughter, the way she reasoned, asking questions of him that showed him she was insightful and saw the world in a unique way. He loved her wit and satirical humor and she was just so sexy.

He got back into the room and yelled out her name, already guessing that she would not be there and was ecstatic to find the note she left. He had envisioned her leaving without leaving a number or address and tried to recall all she had told him the night before, confident that he could and would find her. He showered and dressed almost as quickly as he had the night before and ran down the stairs just in time to waylay her room service delivery, making sure to tip the guy appropriately. He collected himself before ringing then bell.
"Room Service" he called out.
"Coming" she replied.

She opened the door, a mix of surprise, nervousness and hope, enveloping her face
"I hope you ordered for two" he said, smiling.

---------------------------------------------
To be continued.
Hello everyone, how are you doing? I decided to do this into two parts so its not so long and or boring. Also because i need to study really bad. Will post up part 2 on Sunday though, rather than next week. I hope you like. Have a good weekend.

Read Part 1 - Here

Read Part 2 - Here

Read Part 3 - Here

Read Part 4 - Here

Read Part 5 - Here
Read Part 6 - Here

Read Part 7 - Here

P.S I Love You

Praise Wednesday - Strive to be happy.

2011-09-14T11:11:00.003-04:00

Happy Hump Day everyone, hope you are all doing well?

Today I want to share two things with you. A couple weeks back, a friend had asked me if i was happy and I answered honestly and said I did not know the last time I had been happy. I can pinpoint being unhappy around the time I knew things were going to end with the ex, even before things ended with the ex. Not to say that he is the cause of my unhappiness, but that was when it started for me. A lot of us can't even pinpoint when they started feeling so unhappy, a lot of us can't even define what happiness is. I do not aim to explain that to you, I believe it’s uniquely defined for everyone cos what makes me happy is different from what makes you happy.

The good news is this, because it is so uniquely defined to you, it’s your responsibility to make yourself happy. No matter what you are going through, no matter how hard the devil is attacking you. By willing yourself happy, by choosing to be happy and having the right attitude, you can be happy. My mummy will say that, when she's sad, she puts in her favorite cd, and starts to dance. What makes you happy? What are ways you can eliminate things in your life that make you unhappy? Think about these things and endeavor to be happy today.

I already planned to put up "Desiderata" and then today my friend sent me Today's Word with Joel and Victoria and it’s the same topic on happiness. So I am convinced that this is not just for me, cos believe me when I say I need to be Happy, but I know it’s for someone here as well.....STRIVE TO BE HAPPY!!!

1) I have a friend who is going through treatment for cancer. He’s a young man, very talented, very athletic. If he had not told me, I would have never known anything was wrong. I’ve never once heard him complain. He’s always friendly, upbeat and enjoys life. I asked him the other day how he could keep such a good attitude during such a difficult time. He said, “Joel, when I get up in the morning, I ask myself, ‘Do you want to be depressed today or do you want to live happy?’ I choose to live happy.”

Understand that if you’re going to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose. Happiness is not going to fall on you. You have to choose it by choosing right thoughts and focusing on the Father. You have to set your day in the direction that you want to go. You have to choose to meditate on His Word because His Word lights your path and gives joy to your heart. Today, choose to live happy, set your focus on Him, and embrace the blessing He has in store for you!

2) Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals;

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

---------------

P.S I LOVE YOU

Music Monday - Friday Night Jammings

2011-09-12T00:00:00.001-04:00

Hello Y'all

How are you doing? I hope your weekend was fantastic. I chilled all weekend, watching sports all day Saturday and i have not started studying o. Its all so overwhelming jo and i'm not ready for school at all, but i have assignments due, so guess whose ass is going to be up all night now? Sigh. I'm not as smart as i like to think.

Going to random for a lil bit, and keep it all about music today.

Why Serena? Why? It was your game to win. I'm still amazed at how mental sports is, and i keep thinking i should have gotten my Masters/PhD in Sports Psychology like i wanted. Maybe a Dual Degree. Yes? No?

I used to hate Nigerian Music, absolutely hated it and now let's just say that i'm proud and liking the progress. I continue to be picky and can also be very biased i guess, but we have great voices coming out of Nigeria and i'm happy. Its rather unfortunate that its going to take more than your talent to make it, the politics in the entertainment industry is reflective of the politics of the country and dare i say worse. With that said though, go cop Show Dem Camp's album. My second fav album out of Nigeria this year, The first being DJ Klem's "AfrofunkyDiscoSoul" and the third being "Beautiful Noise" by Timi Dakolo.

I feel bad for people who consistently use others and take advantage of people. It just seems like life must be lonely for you and if it comes to a point where you actually need someone, i wonder if you can pick up your phone, go through your contact list and call someone that will genuinely do something for you.

I did a race test, twice and it says that i have a sight automatic preference for European Americans than African American. The Thing with doing all these tests, it doesn't take into account your feelings, experiences etc. I don't think i care if you are white or black, i care about your character. I honestly cannot tell anything about you from the color of your skin, but i thought that was interesting. Take the test yourself here - http://j.mp/nsEiqm

RIP Andy Whitfield. The news really made me sad. Life is so unfair you know. The man was BEAUTIFUL.

O so about the story, i really really hope you are enjoying it. The idea was to actually see if i can write a complete book on here, but i just compiled what I've written so far on Ms Word, and its only 21 pages. 21 pages? I swear i thought i had like a 100 pages sha. Omo, doubt has entered o, how will i ever do it? Miss Myne, how did you do it? I write everything on the fly, so maybe that's more a hindrance than i thought, and i need to sit and think of the next chapters and all that. But we'll see sha. I want to be a fictional writer someday and in Jesus Name, it will come to pass.

I hate food. Why do we have to eat anyways? My tummy stays hurting from eating, and i'm in pain as i speak.

Nways, I think that's it for today. Nothing special going on in my life at the moment. This is not such a bad thing after-all. The songs below = what i spent my Friday night listening to. Enjoy.

One of my favorite Songs from the lovely Jill Scott is this

Floetry - Sometimes you make me smile

Mariah Carey - Emotions

Pregnant Whitney Houston doing her thing

And as a Bonus

P.s I LOVE YOU

Blithed Roses - The Date

2011-09-09T23:57:00.002-04:00

"Hi" He said
"Hi" She replied a little dreamily...

He took her hands in his and directed them to the bar, not saying anything till they had sat down and ordered drink; A stinger for him and a White Russian for her. Similar tastes in cocktails he observed, a good start. They both stayed silent while they waited for their drinks. He looking at her, Blythe looking anywhere but at him, taking in the ambiance of the lounge, observing the other couples out tonight, envying the way they shared laughs and looked deep into each others eyes, tapping her fingers lightly to the soft sounds of Miles Davis wafting through the speakers.

Finally the waiter came back with their drinks and as soon as Nick had a sip of his drink, he began to speak.

"You weren't kidding about not being late"
"You obviously believed me, otherwise you wouldn't have been waiting by the elevators"
"I would have waited for you if you were late though, and it would have been well worth the wait"
"Is this your way of saying i don't look good?"
"Quite the contrary, i have never seen any one look so beautiful, please never wear make up for me"
"For you?" She laughed
Smiling, he looked at his watch, he said, "15mins"
"What happens in 15 minutes?"
"That was how long it took me to get you to look at me, like you did earlier and laugh" Which made her laugh some more.

The earlier awkwardness and tension suddenly vanished and Blythe relaxed.

"Thank you for the compliment, you don't look so bad yourself Mr. 35th most handsome man, even with a 5 day stubble"
"You mean my man cave look, i will have you know that women all over the world dig this look and its not just for disguise" he retorted
"You will need a lot more facial hair to go around unnoticed, i am actually surprised that i haven't seen a flock of camera men here yet"
"That's because i am not yet on their radar, and i hope that it stays that way for a very long time. But please, one request for the night? No more, Mr. 35th most handsome man, that's really not me. Tonight i just want to be Nick Downey, the scrawny little kid from Detroit, who was asked on a date by the high school sweetheart and is still very much in shock."
"You have a way with words don't you Mr Nick Downey" She said laughingly. "Ok then, no more mention of that tonight, lets start over. Hi, i'm Blythe Thomas, a psychology professor, 28years old and a lover of all things artsy. And you are?"
"Nice to meet you Blythe, I am Nick Downey, a former architect turned fiction writer, 35 going on 50 and a lover of food"
"Is that so? I make the best home-made burgers, this side of the Atlantic"
"O, trust me i have superior cooking skills. I make the best pasta Alfredo, this side of the Atlantic"

And so it went, back and forth, back and forth, making every topic a competition. They talked about everything, favorite restaurants, music, sports, movies, books, places they had been to, places they wanted to go to, first kiss, first time, first love, first heart heartbreak, favorite designers, the size of their shoes, their childhood, his wild college years, her struggles, his achievements, their friends and plans for the future. Nothing was off topic, it was like they had known each other for a long time, the simiralities were uncanny, straight down to the fact that were days apart albeit years apart, both Scorpios. They talked until the bar closed, talked on the way up to his pent house floor, where they talked while he poured them drinks from the bar, sat at the balcony and talked till Blythe fell asleep.

She looked peaceful in sleep, a smile on her face, her arms wrapped protectively around herself, and he wished he was in those arms. He contemplated carrying her to bed, but thought better of it, so he went into the room, got her a pillow and a blanket, covering her and then bending down to put the pillows under her head careful to lift her gently. He watched her for a couple minutes more after that, removed some strands of her hair from face and kissed her gently on her forehead.

She smiled even in sleep, and whispered.

Drake.....

A frown spread across Nick's face as he walked into the room.

------------------------------------------------------
Ha, i know you did not expect that? Lol, you see how we girls have issues? How do you spend a great night with a guy and be thinking of the last guy. I Hope you liked it. I love that the way i ended it, it lets me extend the story a lil bit longer, but i should probably end it soon before you guys get tired of me.

Happy Birthday to Miss Taynement, wishing you all the very best. God's blessing, long life and prosperity. I pray that this new year, will be one filled with testimonies every month and God will shower you with more than you can even ask and hope for. Have a good one.

Read Part 1 - Here

Read Part 2 - Here

Read Part 3 - Here

Read Part 4 - Here

Read Part 5 - Here
Read Part 6 - Here

P.S I LOVE YOU

Blithed Roses - Blythe and Nick

2011-09-08T20:46:00.003-04:00

Blythe walked away as fast as she could, knowing that his eyes remained on her rear end, hoping that she won't fall and then die of embarrassment. She walked even faster when she was sure she was out of his view and then ran the distance to the elevator as she saw a cute Asian couple come out of it, pressing the close door button furiously so no one else would come in with her. Her sigh of relief, as the elevators rode up was audible, and then came the smile that started slowly and spread across her face so brilliantly. Any one that might have seen her at that point would have considered her the most beautiful woman they had ever seen. She counted mentally along as the elevators rode up, again hoping no one came in on either of the floors and therefore delaying her; 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 and finally 12.

She had not planned this, i mean how could she? she wouldn't have guessed that she would have run into Nick by the pool, but she had and the bravado that had pushed her to talk to him, she hoped stayed with her the entire night. It had all started this morning. As she walked into the elevator on the the 12th floor, she registered the ruggedly looking fine man for a second, but then focused on her thoughts, reminding herself that Drake was history and she needed to move on with her life. Her senses however, were aware of the man who was staring at her unabashedly, from head to toe, spending a lot more time than was acceptable at her derriere.

She forgot about the man in the elevator as soon as she walked out of the hotel, looking forward to some retail therapy. Her first stop, the swim suit store. A Bikini or a one piece suit, she pondered. She always bought a tankini, a compromise between a bikini and the one piece, but now that she was a little bit more comfortable with her body, she felt confident that she would look great in a bikini. It was in this process of consideration, that she was interrupted by the sales woman.

"Are you finding everything ok? can i help you in any way?"

"Yes, thank you. I am just trying to decide on which to get, this bikini or this tankini piece"

"I like the metallic color of the tankini, but definitely, the bikini. The striking colors suit your skin tone as well"

"I think i agree with you. I will take it. Thank you" Blythe said, with a smile.

"You are welcome. Sure, if you would just follow me, i will ring this up for you"

At the register, Blythe was not able find her credit card, so she pulled out the entire contents of her bag, including the book "Secret Haven", the back of the book faced up showing the picture of a handsome looking man.

"He is so cute, isn't he? And such a beautiful writer" The sales woman said, while she waited patiently.

"Excuse me?" Blythe said, looking up from her search.

"The author of your book, Nick Downey. I think he is very handsome and I've not read this book yet, but his others have been great"

It was then that Blythe looked at the picture and saw the man that had been in the elevator ogling her. He must have noticed the book as well in her opened bag, but she had never even looked at this picture even though she had the book for over a month. The picture was a handsome one, although she felt like the rugged look he wore when she had seen him earlier suited him more. She nodded and continued to look for her card, eventually finding it lodged in the middle of the said book. She thanked the sales woman and left.

On her way back to the hotel, she decided to stop for some lunch, her tummy rumbling angrily from it being empty. Walking the mile to the Thai food restaurant she had been told was the closest, she stopped at a nearby newspaper stand to get some water and sugarless gum. She had already paid and was waiting for her change when she saw the GQ magazine 'Top 100 Bachelor's in America' with a smaller title introducing first timers on the list including #35 Nick Downey. She quickly added that to her items. She was now more aware of him than she had been 24 hours prior and it was time to get to know him, even if she never met him again.

She had been wrong, because now she was going on a date with him, if you could call it a date that is. She had gone to the pool without a watch, so she had no idea how many minutes she had left before having to get downstairs. She quietly berated herself inwardly for having suggested 15mins and not 30mins. As soon as she got into the room, she took off her tunic and bikini, as she simultaneously shrugged out of her bikini bottom, and jumped into the shower. Her hair was going to have to be wet, but she figured she could make it work and so she let the scalding hot water run over her for a couple mins, using her hands to clean up as much as she could and then ran out.

She had only one outfit to wear, a nice silk bow grey dress, she had not been able to resist when she had been out shopping. She dried off, making sure to thoroughly dry off her hair, slipped on a bra, panties, her dress and a pair of low heels she had, shoved some things from her bag into her little purse, including the room key and dashed quickly to the elevator, pressing on it furiously, the light indicator showing it had stopped at the 7th floor. While she waited, she rummaged through her purse for a lip balm and some lipstick, making quick work to apply them on and just then the elevator dinged its arrival.

She pulled her hair into a loose chignon as soon as she entered the elevator, sprayed on perfume, put on the earrings she was lucky had been in the purse and then put on her watch, which told her she had two minutes to get to the bar. It was only then, she was able to asses her appearance in the mirror, tucking some hair strands in place, pinching at her cheeks to give it some color and dabbing at her lips with her fingers to remove the excess gloss. She was satisfied with the look, but then remembered she had forgotten to use a deodorant so she quickly sprayed on some more perfume. By this time she was on the third floor, one more floor to go and she was ready, what for, she was unaware, but was interested to find out. She said a silent prayer as the doors opened and stepped out.

There he was, waiting, with a smile, erasing the unsure look she had for a second. He looked quite handsome and she returned his smile earnestly.

********** On the other side...

Nick had watched her leave, dazed. He had never before been approached that way, and that was saying a lot, because he had run into his fair share of stalkers. A stalker was different though, they were mostly uneducated, fame struck, and usually quite in fear of him by the time they were caught. Blythe did not appear uneducated, and judging from her straight forwardness and take charge attitude, she was no coward. He couldn't be sure, but it did not appear that she had come to the pool looking for him, i mean how would she have known? He had come down through the private elevators reserved for people who roomed on the pent-house floor. He picked up his watch, on the lounging chair, saw that he had at 12 minutes left and quickly picked up the rest of his belongings and walked to the elevator, again using the private elevator, ensuring that it would not have multiple stops that might delay him.

He figured, he would not have time to shave and hoped she liked a man who walked around with a 5 day stubble. Today, he was glad he was a man because all he needed was the 10mins he had left to get ready. A quick shower later, he dressed in dark comfortable jeans, a pink/blue short sleeve shirt, a pair of nice toms to match, his wrist watch, sprayed on some cologne and he walked out of his room, with 3 mins to spare, wallet in hand. He dabbed on some lip balm while he went down and instead of waiting for her by the bar, he decided to wait for her by the elevator. It might give him the upper hand, he needed this time, as she had bested him once already and he believed her when she said she won't be late.

Just about 10 seconds after he had arrived by the elevators, the doors dinged open, and Blythe came out. She was fresh faced and gorgeous. He was not sure why, but suddenly he realized his life was about to change, he straightened up and smiled. She looked unsure for a millisecond but then she returned his smile at full wattage, and walked confidently towards him.

"Hi' he said.

"Hi" she replied, a little dreamily....

--------------------------------------------------------------

Read Part 1 - Here

Read Part 2 - Here

Read Part 3 - Here

Read Part 4 - Here

Read Part 5 - Here

To be continued tomorrow. I hope you like. Enjoy

P.S I Love You.

Praise Wednesday - Tongues

2011-09-07T12:00:00.001-04:00

Yesterday on twitter i said "My life ends tomorrow" i meant it in that once school starts i will be so busy that life as i've enjoyed it this summer is over, but still i said it and the devil could have picked on that and used it against me. God is merciful and sees past our foolishness, thankfully enough.

The tongue is a powerful weapon, and even though yesterday i wrote it, and didn't say it out loud, i know there are many times i say very destructive things like i constantly say i am not getting married. I need to start to change my confessions and if you are like me, you should join me in doing the same. Also its not enough to say well i don't say it out loud, if you are thinking it, its the same. That's why you hear this said a lot in prayer "Lord forgive me for my thoughts, my deeds, my actions and my words". You are a word away from entering and leaving the Kingdom of God and instead be operating in the world. I pray that God helps us.

Interestingly enough, earlier that day i had gotten breakfast at the hotel and my friends had come down and wanted food but were told that the kitchen had closed. So when the waiter had come to serve my food, my friend had asked why i was getting special treatment and he had said and i quote "Cos she was the last and you know that they say the last shall become the first". I immediately screamed "AMEN", i grabbed on to that word, like it was Pastor E Adeboye that said it himself. So i know the importance of spoken words, i need to take care to say good things about myself and so should you. My mummy says to go infront of the mirror and say positive things to yourself, put your hand on your head and the other pointing at yourself prophesy what you want on your life. If you are like me and you have no mirror, this is not an excuse, lol. I haven't really been doing that, I promise to start tomorrow morning.

Every first day of the month, my favorite cousin, mother's side (just incase my fav cousin father's side sees this, lol) sends me a prayer and it sincerely always has me in tears and full of gratitude because a lot of times i am remiss in praying, and its good to know that others are praying for me, and maybe that's why God still keeps me.

Prayer

Happy New Month..The glory & grace of God that has brought you this far will see you through to the end of the year..As He has ushered you into the 9th month of this year, I prophesy that this is the month you breakthrough every wall, every barrier, every limitation, every uncertainty in your life/situation..That by virtue of the reason of this season, many will gather with you from far & near to laugh & celebrate His goodness to you..Every seed you have sown in faith in the Lord from January through to this month,this last quarter of the year, as you have trusted that He is Lord & there is nothing too hard for Him (Jer 32:27)..

Therefore, this is the month you will experience fruitfulness & will reap & harvest bountifully..For many things I rejoice on your behalf, by the most important of them all is that you have found favor in His sight..I pray that because you have found favor with Him, you will experience Him in a way you have never before..The glory of His presence will never leave you, the Power of His touch will rest upon your life..He will open the windows of heaven to you & pour out blessings that will surpass what you've experienced so far this year.There will be more blessings than you have room for in your life..

He will rebuke devourers for your sake & He shall not destroy the fruits of your ground, neither shall your vine cast her fruits before the time (Mal. 3:10-11)..My God will continue to supply your needs, He will continue to uphold you with His right hand of righteousness, He will preserve your going out & coming in, He will avert every danger in your way, He will rise up in battle on your behalf, He shall fight for you, you will hold your peace (Ex. 14:14)..He has said, He will have mercy on whom He will, He will show compassion to whom He will & so it is not he that wills or runs, but of God to show mercy (Rom 9:14-16)..My prayer is that His mercy & compassion that you have enjoyed from January to this point will not cease..

He will command His angels concerning you, He willl make you fruitful, He will bless the works of your hand, He will reward the labor of your hard work, He will make you the head, never the tail, He will make you a lender, never a borrower..He will remember you & know your name..You will continue to find favor in His sight, He will put it in the hearts of men to favor you, He will raise divine helpers on your behalf..As many times as you call,He will hear you..As many times as you seek His face,you will find Him..My God will glorify you..He will lead you to the land of your rightful inheritance & drive away its unlawful occupants..The hand of the enemy shall not reach you because you bear the marks of Jesus (Gal. 6:17)..

Every counsel of the enemy against you, He will cancel..Wherever your enemies gather or however many tongues rise against you in judgment, My God will send His fiery wrath & consume them..Your enemies will not have victory over you..Wherever they may be, far or near, you will catch up with them, overtake them & destroy them..Whosoever shall gather together against you, shall fall for thy sake (Isa 54:15)..Before you call, He will answer, before you speak, He will hear you (Isa 65:24)..As many as are your heart desires before Him, He will grant each & every one of them this month..He will give you an expected end as promised (Jer 29:11)..The power of the blood will speak for you..He will sanctify you & set you apart from many..No evil shall befall you & your household..

He is the covenant keeping God & what He promises, He performs..Each & every one of the covenant He has made concerning you He will honor..His word shall not return back to Him void, but shall do that which He pleases & shall proper wherever He sends it (Isa 55:11)..It will please Him to bless you, to increase you, to uphold you, to strengthen you, you deliver you, to enlarge your coast..He will establish you in righteousness, you will be far from oppression, no terror shall come near you (Isa 54:14).. In whatever/wherever you go, the Lord will go before you, He will go with you & He will back you up..You will lack/want for nothing good as you wait on the Lord (Psa 34:10)..

For whatever door He opens no man can shut, This month He will open up doors of opportunity, of favor, of grace, of blessings, of increase to you..Whatever it is that you have lost the previous months, this month you will recover them & many more..He will usher you into this last quarter with all the good things He has promised those that walk upright in His sight..In Jesus Name(Amen)!!

AMEN!!!! God bless you guys.

P.S I Love You

The weekend + Questions + Quotes

2011-09-06T23:26:00.005-04:00

HELLO!!!

Let me start by saying, i am sorry. No further explanation needed i bet, i will make it up to you, i promise. The truth is, i write it all off the top of my head, so i feel like i need uninterrupted time to write and time just kept running away from me this weekend.

Secondly, i want to address something you might have already noticed, i.e removing the comment box. I did not mean to offend anyone, neither did i do it cos i didn't want you to reproach me on there, although it is entirely for a selfish reason, but one i hope you can understand.

You see i was becoming too dependent on comments, i would write a post and wake up the next morning and the first thing i did would be to grab my phone to check for responses. So you can imagine when i wrote a post, that in my head was really nice and i see no comments, i would get sad. Then i started looking at the stats, to see if people were even reading and then i'll get sad to see that people were reading but were not just commenting. I realized then that this was bad. As much as i love your feedback, i write for me, to relieve of myself of a lot of things i cannot say out loud, share my experiences and as a way to become a better writer. Somebody had mentioned on twitter that a lot of us bloggers write to feed our ego and i don't think that's ever been my intention for writing, but i didn't want that change also. Everything i write here is extremely personal to me, i don't fib on here, and as such i am accountable to you as i am to myself. So for a while i am going to keep the comment box closed, ~~until my birthday month~~, lol, until i am sure that my intentions will remain pure on this journey.

It was extremely hard for me to be honest about that, not even sure why, it just was.

The Weekend

I had a mad weekend as you can tell by my absence on here, met a lot of people, got reacquainted with old friends and danced my life away. Funke Akindele, is pure hilarious btw. I was extremely glad for it too, because school has started and i know that till i leave for naij in December i am not going to be able to go out anymore. Research, research and being the principal investigator and hopefully getting published is the name of the game this semester.

Another reason why i can't be in a relationship. This guy i just met this weekend is trying to talk to me and already i've said i'm busy like 3times, cos i'm doing something school. Or maybe i just don't like him like that.

I cannot force a friendship. It takes two to tango.

I kept plugging WEPLUGGOODMUSIC and it was just a few people who had not heard of it, a lot of people had even the big artists in naija and they especially know about OneMicNaija. I was so proud, God go make us bigger ooo.

My friends got into an accident yesterday and i cannot tell you how much i am grateful to God for saving them for me, also because my friends and i (i was driving) almost had an accident in the exact same spot. We all left the party and were heading back, when this happened, so you can imagine. Thank you Jesus.

Questions to ponder on - as seen in Even Eagles Need A Push by David McNally
In what way may you still feel limited by the past? What will it take to let go of what has happened no matter how good/bad? Are you willing to let go? How might the rut of conformity/comfort be limiting you? How different do you really want life to be? why? Have you ever stated what it is you truly desire? if not, why not? What frame of mind would you like to be in at the beginning of each day? What feelings would you like to experience at the end of each day?

Pick up the book if you can, it might change your life. Read it years ago and i still go back to it every so often and look at these questions carefully.

Quotes - as seen in Vanquishing Acts by Jodi Picoult
"What if it turns out that a life isn't defined by who you belong to or where you cam from, by what you wished for or whom you've lost but instead by the moments you spend getting from each of these places to the next?"
"Memories are not stored in the heart or the head or even the soul, if you ask me, but in the spaces between any given two people."
"The bottom line is that ethics are a lofty standard, but affection ranks higher."
"There is a reason the word belonging has a synonym for want at its center; its the human condition."
"Nothing stands out conspiciously or remains so firmly fixed in the memory as something you have blundered."
"Sometimes doing what's right isn't a rational decision or even what works on paper. Sometimes leaving is the best course of action after all."
"Knowing where you belong is not equal to knowing who you are"
"Sometimes its necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness."
"Once you make a mistake, can any amount of compensation erase it?"
"Memory is the only way home."
"Why do some memories bleed out of nowhere and others stay locked behind doors?"

Entirely fictional, but a very good read and it made me think about some things. You should pick it up if you can.

Random
I think tennis is officially my favorite sport, see me analyzing it like i can play. I love the Majors, especially cos it brings me very close to my brother, cos we stay having conversations about it, not like we don't already talk everyday.

Going to be a busy rest of the year and i am excited. I slept well the past month to last me the next four months so this is good. So school, WEPLUGGOODMUSIC, i want to learn Spanish, keep reading every spare minute, work(say AMEN), maybe volunteer, watch TV, listen to new music, tweet, blog, draw close to God, travel and hopefully maintain friendships. Let's just say that i will be stick and bones by December. Looking forward to doing this with you all.

So expect a Praise Wednesday in a couple minutes and a Blythe Post on Thursday and Friday :)

P.S I LOVE YOU

Praise Wednesday - Good Morning.

2011-08-31T12:45:00.001-04:00

Hello Everyone, how are you doing? Its a special day for me cos my friend just had a baby girl. I'm so happy for her. I want a baby too. A baby boy tho. But this is not why we are here.

I only have one song for you this morning and i hope it makes you smile like it made me smile when i heard it yesterday.

I'm not particularly a morning person, some days i'm extra hyper, some days i just don't get why i have to be up anytime before noon. But i'm always grateful for the miracle of sleeping and waking up. I've said this before, for me when i'm sad and out i usually just want to go to bed, cos i know if God is gracious enough for me to wake up then things are going to be A- Ok. It means that there is joy and hope and new blessings. It means that God will give me the strength to fight whatever comes my way and i will be victorious. So yes the only solution to all my problems really is sleep - cos with a renewed mind, comes renewed energy, motivation and focus.

May God continue to see us through.

Mandisa ft Toby Mac - Good Morning

P.S I Love You

Music Monday - Love

2011-08-29T01:59:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure why i picked that topic other than the fact that i'm listening to Praiz's new song "I Love You". I've been in awe of his voice ever since Nems introduced him to me, and i'm happy he is doing well now and i wish him loads of success. Check out his new song below.

Lets random shall we?

I have loved. I don't want a repeat performance again. All the love i have left is for my unborn kids.

I survived an earthquake, a hurricane and a tropical storm. Whoop Whoop!! Lol. I actually felt quite loved tho, cos everyone checked on me. Thank you all very much.

I still expect the ex to check on me. Weird. It was what, a year? How are people who were together for like 5yrs, 10yrs, able to stop speaking to each other, caring for each other, checking on each other? and i don't even care how much you all hurt each other or were bad for each other. Honestly not ever going through this again that much i can tell you and i'll still be very happy in life.

Oyinbo aka baby sister is here with me. The girl is hilarious and makes me feel quite young. She's such an amazing dancer, i'm thinking of sending a video of her in for So You Think You Can Dance next's season. We checked out Julliard but she needed to be have been trained for a minimum of 3yrs and she has no formal training. Imma make her get a first degree, but i can bet with my life that a degree is not her path to success.

I couldn't even get a job in McDonalds now if i tried. A masters degree holder who can't get any kind of job. Sigh. Not sure why i'm in school. Not sure what my reason for life is, but i continue to wake up so there has to be a reason innit?

School starts on Thursday. First time in my life i am not excited. Shrugs.

Britney Spears is an Icon. Argue all you want but that girl paid a heavy price for the industry and i just hope she's really happy.

Beyonce and Jay have become the new Will and Jada. As seen on twitter just now "Beyonce was raised right. She was friends with Jay-Z, then dated Jay-Z, then married Jay-Z and is now pregnant by Jay-Z. In that order #CLASS". Lol, i really cannot deal. Folks slay me.

My mummy is awesome. I hope she's happy.

My uncle totally cock-blocked me at his brother's wedding and he is happy about it too. Lol, so i tell his brother i.e. the one who got married and he goes "when they don't want to die", meanwhile he has told me by my birthday i must be talking to someone. Lol. This will not be happening, because my birthday is in two months. Maybe next year and even that is highly suspect. Its a choice.

Every time i envision myself in a relationship, its a long distance relationship. Do you see that this is a curse?

I am excited to be 25. I will be at Disney World for my birthday being a princess on said day. God willing.

I am so sad that people think the killings in Nigeria is something to do with being Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa or even Muslim and Christian. We keep laughing about this, but this is not the time to be divided. A bunch of people have been brain washed and with their debased minds are killing innocent people. We need to stand up against this and not let these people destroy our great country. I pray for peace and unity in Nigeria.

Why do we hate ourselves though? i see what happens on twitter and blogs, the insults, curses, fights and i wonder how it got this bad.

A friend messed up and rather than say sorry, he reached out in other ways. It took me almost a month to realize though that was his way of saying sorry and i needed to accept that. For one, i would have continued fighting with myself and i would have continued missing my friend. I think we need to remember sometimes that everybody deals differently, so we have to be understanding. You also have to know when to call a friend out on his or her foolishness and demand the Sorry. A lot of times friends don't even know they have hurt you. - Things i have learnt from having way too many male friends.

We are not often very gracious as humans and i think i can understand that because its kinda of a hard concept to grasp. Its very abstract in nature. I'm learning to be gracious.

I'm not a jealous person. I really thank God for this.

I like that blogsville has introduced me to some really great future authors. Makes me proud.

O so a friend told my best-friend that cos i wore a Gele on my formal dress i was more of a wifey material than she was even tho both our dresses were scandalous. Lol, moral of the story? - Gele's rock.

The Help - The movie - SUCKED. Omg i was so disappointed considering how much i loved the book. It broke my heart and its still number one at the box office. Smh.

Pick up a book tho. Really. Books are awesome. I need to start reading more like self-help, non-fiction and kinds books that will help my growth, i stay reading novels.

YouTube is such a great platform. I love how they are making kids dreams come true. YouTube >> Google.

Nways i think that's it. Sorry for being a bore, kinda out of it today, but its nothing a good nights sleep can't cure. That's the miracle of mornings, it brings with it new joys.

On to the music shall we?

Praiz - I Love You

Sam Tsui - If I Die Young - So my sister told me i had to listen to this cover and i'm so glad i listened to her cos this boy's voice SLAYS. I'm in love.

David Guetta ft Sia - Titanium ... Sia's voice is soooo amazing

Amy Winehouse -Valerie ...Bruno Mars reminded me how much i liked this song. RIP

Amy Winehouse - Love is a losing game - Enough said no

Enya - May it Be - This just makes me think of my brother. Very Angelic

P.S I LOVE YOU.

Blithed Roses….Nick

2011-08-26T20:47:00.007-04:00

He was hardly unnoticeable at 6ft 8in, a towering empowering hunk of a man, but he was very sure she had been unaware that anyone else was with her in the elevator, even though they rode the entire 12 floors down together. Nick knew a lot about being oblivious to surroundings. He was often lost so deep in thought, sometimes for hours, especially when he was thinking up a concept for a new book so he did not begrudge her that.

In fact, one of the reasons he had noticed her was seeing his very first work of fiction “Secret Haven” in her bag. Nick had tried to catch her eyes to ask her if she had read the book and enjoyed it without revealing to her that he was the author of course, but she had barely glanced up when she got in on the 12th floor and just that tiny moment when he had looked into her eyes had him hoping for a lifetime with her.

The exaggerated feeling, exaggerated because hoping for a lifetime with someone after a brief eye contact was the stuff that made tons of people millions in Hollywood and put others on the New York Times Best Seller List, not what happened in real life and was an improbable feeling in his opinion. At 35years of age, Nick had ‘seen’ enough of life to know that there are many layers to a person, and when you bring two humans together, it took a lot more than what one felt to unravel the layers of each other enough to want to spend a lifetime together. He was no cynic however, neither had he been ‘burnt’ he was just a realist, an author who saw life in black and white with no shades of gray.

Like Nick often did, he would fly to the state that was to be the setting of his latest book, which was why he was in California. He had never been here before and it appeared to have been the best decision he made in recent times, second only to him quitting his job as an architect to become a writer. His mind was telling him that he could do without the distractions; he also had not been in a serious relationship in the past 10yrs. His eyes however had gone on to undress her, lingering on her apple bottoms, referring to more than just the jeans she wore. He noticed the details; her hair, her fingers, her eyebrows, and he could tell that she took very good care of herself, right down to her toes.

Nick watched her as she walked through the giant revolving doors of the hotel. He thought of how many times the women in his life had called him lazy, how he never ‘chased’ them, he never came ‘after’ them and he wondered if he would regret not stopping her to at least get her name. He could live with the regrets though, but he knew better than to have gone after her today. He was an observant man and he knew she was in no mood to talk, so he went about his day. He had a full day of tourist things planned and he had been looking forward to it.

The first thing he did when he got back in was take a quick shower and head to the pool, situated right in the middle of the hotel. It was the perfect time too, 'cause it was devoid of anyone, especially the ton of kids he had seen there in the morning. He came up for air at the end of the Olympic size pool his second time around when he saw that there was someone else in the pool. He did not believe much in coincidences, this was an opportunity; an opportunity he was bound by all that was holy to take advantage of. He watched her from the corner of his eyes for a while and saw that she was not a confident swimmer, not able to go the full length of the pool without stopping once or twice, and always staying by the side where she could reach out for the rails. He swam up and waited for her to come out of the pool.

“Hi my name is Nick” he started to say but she interrupted him in the most beautiful voice he had heard in a while.

“Nick Downey, 35th most eligible bachelor in America, same as your age, except of course you lied, yes I know who you are”

“You will get to know, that I do not lie” He retorted.

“That was your first lie” she said.

“You are quite right, what is true however is that you are a shitty swimmer and I could help you, but I would like to know your name”

“The shitty swimmer’s name is Blythe and I’ve had enough of the water actually, would you like a drink? You can tell me all about your book so I don’t have to actually read it”

“Your room or mine?” He had gone for the shock value since she was being bold.

“I was thinking more of the bar. Meet you there in 15mins.” Her voice even and calm.

His face registered some shock but he continued “I’m going to take that as meet you in 45mins”

“I don’t like to be kept waiting Nick. See you in 15mins.” And with that Blythe walked away.

Again Nick was left staring at her very ample bottoms. The exaggerated feelings had returned in full force.

To be continued…..

Read Part 1 - Here
Read Part 2 - Here
Read Part 3 - Here
Read Part 4 - Here
----------------------------------------
Hello guys, let me know what you think. I struggled with introducing a new character but I hope I did ok. Enjoy.

P.S I LOVE YOU

P.P.S I need a name for the story o. Any ideas?

Praise Wednesday

2011-08-24T22:31:00.000-04:00

How are you?

I never stop asking this question. Its a very important question to me. Lucidlilith in her recent post said a lot of people ask this question, but never really want to hear your honest answer. She is absolutely right about that. Miss Taynement hates this question and yet i continue to ask, and when i know she's just going to say "fine" i go further and i ask "how are you really?"

I ask this question because i hope that you will talk to me and tell me whats going on in your life, cos then the next time i talk to you after you've told me everything, i want to be able to ask specific questions like; how is school? how is work? How is that business idea? How are your siblings? How's mumsy/popsy's health? How is your best friend? How is your marriage? How are the kids?.

It is with that in mind that i just want to pray on here today, for some people who have shared their lives with me, for others who by reading their blogs i know what they are going through, and for all of us as a community. Please join me in saying Amen and continue to pray, pray without ceasing and God will answer our prayers in Jesus Name.

I pray for those waiting on God for a life's partner. I know its not been easy, seeing those around you getting married, and its also not been easy hearing of failed relationships and marriages and wondering if you won't end up the same way. I pray that God will make your dreams come true, and give you the partner that you deserve, that will love you and cherish you, the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh and you will live long and happy together in Jesus Name.

I pray for those whose parents are dealing with one health issue or the other. We believe in the report of the Lord and the Lords report is that they are healed. They will live to see the Glory of the Lord, they will live to see you marry and see your children. Their lives shall not be cut short, the Lord will touch every prostrate, every breast, every kidney, every tissue, every lung, every bone in Jesus Name.

I pray for marriages today. The Lord said a man and a woman will come together and they shall be one and no one shall put them asunder. The Lord will restore your marriage, the Lord will bring back joy in your marriage, your testimony will change, your tears will cease and your marriage will be the example others look up to in Jesus Name.

I pray for those who are students. School will no longer be hard for you. School will become easy for you, Wisdom, knowledge and understanding beyond your years will be your portion. You will not drop out and you will graduate in Jesus Name.

I pray for those who are struggling with your identity. We as humans have no answer, we know what the bible says and sometimes that's hard to understand but i pray that whatever be the case, God will give you peace and happiness, because that's what God wants for each and every one of us. God is a merciful God and i pray he leads you in the right way.

I pray for those going through financial hardship, that even though the economy is in a downfall, your pocket will never run dry. God will provide for you and open new doors for you. You will prosper and be bountiful. The Lord will provide for all your needs according to his riches in Glory and you will never lack in Jesus Name.

I pray for family dynamics to be changed. I pray for there to be peace in our homes. I pray for us individually and as a community, may the Good Lord continue to protect us, protect our family and friends. I pray for good health and i pray for an accident free rest of the year and we will all see the year 2012 together in Jesus Name.

AMEN

I'm stealing the song from T.Notes blog cos its so apt for this post. Enjoy

-------------------------------------------
I'm sorry its late and that i missed my Friday and Monday post, i was out of town for my uncle's wedding and i tried but did not have time to ever finish the posts. I promise to prepare better for next time i know i'm going to be busy/out of town.

P.S I LOVE YOU

Praise Wednesday - 70 x 7

2011-08-17T13:11:00.001-04:00

At what point do you say enough is enough? At what point do you say its ok to be righteously angry because people are hurting you in one way or the other? At what point do you think, i'm leaving God out of it, this is a man made issue and should be dealt as such. The way i understand the bible, its NEVER. 70 x 7 times, you are supposed to turn the other cheek. For me that's always been hard and continues to be so, like i mentioned in my last post, somebody said some hurtful things to somebody who told a relation/cousin/friend/brother of mine and this was not the first time. I was so upset, this person has smiled with me, shared coffee with me and i wondered what i did to deserve that. It was everything in me not to call everyone involved and curse them out. 70 x 7, was what i heard that day.

I think its important to remember that in our lives. To let things go, and not always get caught up with things. My ex said people always talk, and i was so upset at his response and him, it wasn't what i wanted him to say, i also don't believe that to be right, but it happens to be true. Furthermore, you won't always get an apology for the bad things that people do to you/say about you, and sometimes still you might still have to continue to work with them, or have to be around them. Let me also tell you, that sometimes these same people, will make you feel like its your fault that they can do that to you, that well you are just insecure, that well you put yourself out there like that so its fair game, what did you expect? They will try to make you feel worthless. I think its important to let things go, as soon as humanly possible of course, because one hatred is a terrible thing to let fester and two it takes your focus from God.

Harder said than done right? i was reminded again about this yesterday. The first two songs talk about just that, please really listen to what it says. The first one especially talks about him getting mad while he was driving. I have major road rage, omg. The only time you hear me every scream/curse is while i'm driving. I am liable to kill on the road. And in the song he talks about taking a step back to see that he could have died over lane changing. That got to me, and i hope it sticks with me to remember that its all not worth it, if its not for the Glory of God. The Third song also talks about the Peace that only God can give, and if you don't let go of the anger and the hurt and you don't focus on God and remain joyful, then you cannot receive the peace of God.

J.Moss - Let it Go - Stop all of the fighting, stop all of the cursing, stop all of the screaming.

J. Moss - Don't Let It - Don't let it steal your joy

Laura Story - Perfect Peace- In this time of trial, pain that no one sees, trust me when i say, that i will give you Perfect Peace.

This song i wanted to talk about. I heard it on the radio on my way to church and it stuck in a way i can't explain and shout out to Google, cos i just typed in the line i remembered and i found it. The song says "what if your healings come through tears, what if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know you are near, what if the trials of this life are your mercies in disguise". As a fledgling christian, this is a VERY hard concept to grab. Why won't God just bless us, why have us go through trials to show his mercy? I can't explain it/why, i just know that i get it and if any of you can please explain it i would appreciate it. But i just thought that there is someone else like me who needs to hear this today.

Laura Story - Blessings

Nways that's it. I hope this touches at least one person today, i will be very happy with just one person.

God Bless you and make his face to shine upon you. I pray he meets you at the point of your need and touches you in a new way and in any way you are heart broken/ in pain and in need of healing, the Lord will heal you and will give you the kind of happiness people spend their whole lives searching for. AMEN.

P.S I Love You

Music Monday - Ups and Down

2011-08-15T19:28:00.002-04:00

Hi Guys, how are you doing? I was hoping to come here screaming/testifying that they called, and i got my dream job/fellowship position but its 6pm and no call, so moving on with my life, which involves dancing even as i type to Pakuromo (JAM). Mi o le wa pa ara mi - I cannot die.

Its hard tho guys. I can't even lie. Earlier today, i cried cos one of my best friends - i need to tell you guys this story cos we have never actually met face to face and we have a business together and everything, but that's for later. Nways, he's given up, he's tired, resigned and lost faith and it made me cry. Cos i understand, i've been there sooooo many times. Right now i'm there, do you know how hard it is to be the girl that is perpetually broke, relies for others for everything, can't find a job, car is broken down, can't go get her glasses even though its ready cos i have no money and dumped (just had to add that, lol)? No, you can't if you haven't been through it and if you saw me now, you will never see it, and without saying it you can't tell. I'm good like that :-). Its hard and sometimes i hurt deep in my soul, but God has never let me down. Never.

He said something today, that made me have renewed faith all on my own. He said "Nothing has changed in four years, not expecting much in the next couple months". You see that's where he's wrong because in what might seem like a sick joke, God always comes through at the very last minute. At least for me, that much i can testify about. So i'm expectant i guess, i believe in a God that does what's good for me and will do what's good for you Ayo. He will show up on your behalf, i believe that. Like my mummy will say "Eyi to da, ni Olorun ma se."

It occurred to me, that for someone else they might have looked at this opportunity. I get to "run" the business, it's a lie. I'm terrified. I wanted to tell him i can't do it. So you see that my prayer, benefits me as well (i know, selfish right?). I've never wanted to be in charge. I ~~like~~ love being behind the scenes, i like to make others look good. It gives me too much pleasure. I'm a fixer like Miss TayneMent calls me, i see a problem and i come up with a bunch of solutions, i want you to be pro-active about things, deal with possible problems that could arise and all that. I mentally went through my relationships,and i see how i stayed doing that, like that was my only contribution to the relationship, but hey i can confidently say that i made them all better. #NoBragging. Lol.

I realized something the other day, that if a guy truly cares for you, he will protect you and your name. I mean he would think so far ahead that "yo, if this shit got to her even ten years from now, it would hurt her so i better keep this shit to myself". That's what i think and its hard for me to reconcile this, with what i saw, felt and thought. I'm sure i will rationalize it somehow.

I'm afraid i might be anorexic and i'm not trying to be dramatic, but I've been at home for weeks now and I've never eaten more than once a day. Like i haven't eaten yet today. I just don't get it. Meanwhile i'm excited about going to Houston, to go cook for the best friend.

Which reminds me, PLEASE LEAVE MY NAME OUT YOUR MOUTH. Thank you very much. I hate pretenders, i hate fake people, jeez and people that pretend to be your friends due to your connections and all that slay me. Amassing friends like its a new top you buy everyday, just so you can say you know all the so called "in" people is not the way, i mean where's your dignity? Telling your so-called best friends most intimate details to strangers is the most egregious offense in the whole world to me, i mean why, just so you can prove how important you are in his life? Like seriously. Friendship means so much to me, i can't even tell you how much i value it, and this is me with a lot of friends who i have never actually seen and we talk everyday. And i should not even go in, on people pretending to be best-friends with different sex species, when you are clearly in love with the person, its downright shameful. Anyway's I've been offended and ordinarily i would deal with asap, and insult everybody involved but i'm tired and really there are more important things and if there's anything i believe in, its never fighting for your relevance, to the people that matter, you are relevant.

I AM NEVER DOING BRAIDS AGAIN!!! Mark the date down, cos what's worse than actually sitting down to do it, is having to take it out. Sigh, still not done.

So i read here, about some so called Nigerian Task Force, picking up women on the road, labeling them as prostitutes because they are out after midnight in Abuja. First off, i wish a nigga would, i really do but they say be careful what you wish for, so maybe not. But secondly, what are we going to do about Nigeria guys? This is really taking the piss, i really want to go home and change it, but i even feel dejected and i'm not there yet. Sigh.

I have so many un-released/un-finished songs. If only Nigerian blogs paid for leaks, i will be balling guys. Lol.

O, you guys are so mean, i thought you would be sympathetic towards Drake, and you all wanted to kill him. I felt bad for him, as i was writing it, you guys are tough.

Nways guys i talk too much, i swear i never know what i want to write until i come here and it all comes tumbling out. Since i'm feeling sexy and in the mood to dance, here are some bad songs for you. Enjoy.

Ace Hood ft Chris Brown - Body to Body ....You should see me dance to this. Wicked!

Ray J ft Rico Love - Bananas - This song is too bad for my virgin ears, but i LOVE it.
"My sex is bananas, and you like eating fruit"

Diddy Dirty Money ft Trey Songz & Rick Ross -Your Love .....TUNE!!!!

As a bonus and not bad, but cos i was impressed with Justin Bieber and because Chris Brown Rules still.
Chris Brown ft Justin Bieber

See you on Wednesday.
P.S I Love You

Blithed Roses - Drake II

2011-08-12T21:32:00.001-04:00

One foolish mistake and he was going to have to live with his pile of regrets for the rest of his life, Drake thought, as he sat quietly in his office the next day after seeing Blythe. He had felt a lot of things in his 32 years, but the humiliation had stung as she walked away, the icy look she gave him, the focus of his dreams that night.
She had been in his dreams numerous times before, enough to make him afraid that he would wake up with her name on his lips, while Lisa lay beside him. His mind drifted on to Lisa, the conflicted feelings he felt rising up again. He cowardly blamed her for his unhappiness, the love he felt for her always a justified feeling.
One giant mistake, all because he had wanted to tick something off his list, all because he had wanted to be able to say “I told you so”. The events began to replay in his head, again. He had been at home with Blythe, watching one of those cheesy TV shows she constantly made him watch, when his phone rang.
“Hey babe, how are you doing?” There was only one girl he called babe, other than Blythe.
“Please, please, come out with me tonight. I need a plus one, I can’t be the only single girl out there tonight”
“Lisa, you know I hate these kinds of things. Bunch of people making small talk all night long. That’s not my scene. Besides, Blythe is over tonight”. She was talking about the annual summer soiree, her PR/Advertising company put together every year, she had told him about it last week and he declined then, she was meant to get someone else, but he was guessing that fell through.
Lisa was a pretty girl, with model like features, tall and slim, high cheekbones and a generous smile that was always plastered on her face by default, she had the ability to turn heads. She was also very smart, and commanded your attention when she spoke. She had absolutely no problems getting men, she just had problems keeping them. Drake, could not figure out why. He had introduced her to some of his friends, and they would be together for months, the longest was a year. Out of the blue, they would be over, always her doing the break up, never the other way around, leaving the men confused.
“Please Drake, I really need this. I will owe you for life, plus I’m a little tipsy right now, and I need you to make sure I don’t do anything stupid tonight.”
“Are you ok Lisa, what’s going on? Why are you tipsy at 9pm? Something happen at work?”
“Its nothing Drake, please just come through tonight”
“I can’t Lisa, I am so sorry. It won’t be fair to Blythe. Why don’t you just sit this one out, they won’t miss you too much”
“Ok, thanks Drake. Talk to you soon”
Blythe looked up at him, when he hung up the phone. “Are you sure babe? I know she’s your best friend, it’s just that we talked about spending tonight together.”
“Yea babe, I’m not sorry I’m not going, but I am worried about her, Lisa never drinks, much less get tipsy, I hope nothing has happened she just doesn’t want to tell me about.
“Then you should go, go be with her for a couple hours, just come back home early, so I can sleep in your arms tonight” She said, kissing him long and hard.
He pulled her closer to him “I could just stay and show you just how awesome you are” he said, lifting her to sit on him, then kissing her again, this time in control.
Taking in a breath, several minutes later, “I would like that, but I know you’ll be worried, so hurry up and go get dressed, I’ll let her know you are on your way”.
So he had gone to pick up Lisa, bought her a cup of coffee and taken her to the event as promised. But there was an after party that Lisa really wanted to go to, and he really didn’t want to leave her alone, so he went along. His first mistake.
When he took her home that night, he went in, so they could talk. She went in to go get changed, while he rummaged her fridge for something to snack on, he was ravished. He hadn’t noticed her come up, until he closed the fridge, clad only in a little tank top and some fuzzy boy shorts. She was looking great, not like he had never noticed, but he had always respected that they were friends, even when his friends had teased and accused him of having “smashed” that. He never had, and he hadn’t wanted to for a long time.
So he was surprised and shocked, when she came on to him and kissed him.
“What are you doing, Lisa?”
“Shhhh, don’t tell me you have never thought about it. We are still going to be friends, let’s just have this one night”
He couldn’t doubt the logic at that time, and in retrospect he knew it was just his ego that got the better of him. The need to know, the need to be able to say that he had indeed smashed that. The shameful thing, the thing that had kept him up at night, was that he never even thought of Blythe. Not until afterwards, not until he had realized just what he had done.
3months later, the day after his 5th year anniversary, was when he had gotten the dreaded call. Lisa was pregnant, with his child. He had laughed in her face. “That’s not possible hon, I have a very low sperm count, the chances of me fathering a child is one to a million”. But it turned out to be true, a DNA test confirmed it. His world had turned upside down.
How could he tell Blythe, she would never forgive him. She had wanted his child so much, talked about it constantly; how she couldn’t wait till she was done with her degree so she could spend the rest of her time, making love to him. She was sure that he would be a father, even knowing that it was almost impossible, she told him he would make a great father.
So he did the only thing he thought he could do and broke up with her, rather than face her tears when he told her the truth. He was sure, he had made the right decision. He had made the decision to be with Lisa too, because he could not have a kid of his growing up without a father, especially his only child. The child he will never get to see or hold in his arms. Lisa had miscarried, two months later.
His eyes felt a little damp now, he had lost so much it seemed. That’s why he wanted to talk to her, he needed her forgiveness. He needed to tell her, the words he had rehearsed over and over again, when he thought of seeing her. He said the words again, as he had whispered it to her, as she walked away.
“I’m so sorry”.
--------------------------
Read Part 1 - here
Read Part 2 - here
Read Part 3 - here
Hi guys, didn’t want to post it up too early since I had posted something last night. Its so sad isn’t it? I hope you like it. Let me know what you think.
P.S I Love You

Magic Number 61.

2011-08-11T21:48:00.001-04:00

I think it was my friend Miss Adun that had told me to add to my reading list "The Help" just before i started seeing the trailer for the movie on Tv. I didn't get around to it on time, i wasn't ready to part with ten dollars to get it on Kindle. 2 weeks ago, i go to school and there it was for free, ope o, i was elated. Still i didn't get around to reading it until today.

I tweeted this earlier : "The Help goes on my list of favorite books ever & I'm not even halfway through. Omg I'm laughing & crying & howling with every page". I also tweeted this: "I wanna be a writer someday when I grow up. I hope I'm this amazing"

Well fast forward a couple hours later and i'm reading everything yahoo, like i always do and i peep the following headline "Kathryn Stockett's 'The Help' Turned Down 60 Times Before Becoming a Best Seller".

60 times. Can you imagine it guys? 60 times. Of course she's amazing, this is the kinda stuff that makes for an amazing writer. Its a lie, me i would have given up by the 10th time. My heart is too fragile. Its everything in me right now, to not freak out and be depressed and in tears all day just waiting for this folks to call me back and say yay or nay.

So i just had to copy and paste and have you guys read this yourself and know that persistence pays off, be patient and work on your dreams. I will tell you to go on about your other business o, because it sounds like her husband was well off and could take care of them so no wahala. If you are like me with no source of income, you obviously cannot be stuck on just one thing all together, but never let go of it, continue to work on it while you are working that odd job and i pray God sees us through.

Read excerpt below:

If you ask my husband my best trait, he’ll smile and say, “She never gives up.” But if you ask him my worst trait, he’ll get a funny tic in his cheek, narrow his eyes and hiss, “She. Never. Gives. Up.”

It took me a year and a half to write my earliest version of The Help . I’d told most of my friends and family what I was working on. Why not? We are compelled to talk about our passions. When I’d polished my story, I announced it was done and mailed it to a literary agent.

Six weeks later, I received a rejection letter from the agent, stating, “Story did not sustain my interest.” I was thrilled! I called my friends and told them I’d gotten my first rejection! Right away, I went back to editing. I was sure I could make the story tenser, more riveting, better.

A few months later, I sent it to a few more agents. And received a few more rejections. Well, more like 15. I was a little less giddy this time, but I kept my chin up. “Maybe the next book will be the one,” a friend said. Next book? I wasn’t about to move on to the next one just because of a few stupid letters. I wanted to write this book.

A year and a half later, I opened my 40th rejection: “There is no market for this kind of tiring writing.” That one finally made me cry. “You have so much resolve, Kathryn,” a friend said to me. “How do you keep yourself from feeling like this has been just a huge waste of your time?”

That was a hard weekend. I spent it in pajamas, slothing around that racetrack of self-pity—you know the one, from sofa to chair to bed to refrigerator, starting over again on the sofa. But I couldn’t let go of The Help. Call it tenacity, call it resolve or call it what my husband calls it: stubbornness.

After rejection number 40, I started lying to my friends about what I did on the weekends. They were amazed by how many times a person could repaint her apartment. The truth was, I was embarrassed for my friends and family to know I was still working on the same story, the one nobody apparently wanted to read.

Sometimes I’d go to literary conferences, just to be around other writers trying to get published. I’d inevitably meet some successful writer who’d tell me, “Just keep at it. I received 14 rejections before I finally got an agent. Fourteen. How many have you gotten?”

By rejection number 45, I was truly neurotic. It was all I could think about—revising the book, making it better, getting an agent, getting it published. I insisted on rewriting the last chapter an hour before I was due at the hospital to give birth to my daughter. I would not go to the hospital until I’d typed The End. I was still poring over my research in my hospital room when the nurse looked at me like I wasn’t human and said in a New Jersey accent, “Put the book down, you nut job—you’re crowning.”

It got worse. I started lying to my husband. It was as if I were having an affair—with 10 black maids and a skinny white girl. After my daughter was born, I began sneaking off to hotels on the weekends to get in a few hours of writing. I’m off to the Poconos! Off on a girls’ weekend! I’d say. Meanwhile, I’d be at the Comfort Inn around the corner. It was an awful way to act, but—for God’s sake—I could not make myself give up.

In the end, I received 60 rejections forThe Help. But letter number 61 was the one that accepted me. After my five years of writing and three and a half years of rejection, an agent named Susan Ramer took pity on me. What if I had given up at 15? Or 40? Or even 60? Three weeks later, Susan sold The Help to Amy Einhorn Books.

The point is, I can’t tell you how to succeed. But I can tell you how not to: Give in to the shame of being rejected and put your manuscript—or painting, song, voice, dance moves, [insert passion here]—in the coffin that is your bedside drawer and close it for good. I guarantee you that it won’t take you anywhere. Or you could do what this writer did: Give in to your obsession instead.

And if your friends make fun of you for chasing your dream, remember—just lie.

The article was written by Kathryn Stockett.

--------------

I think the movie will be amazing as well. I cannot wait to finish the book and i'm going to see the movie with the best friend next week.

See you guys tomorrow. After you have read Franque's post on 360Nobs of course. That dude can tell a tale.

P.S I Love You

Praise Wednesday

2011-08-10T09:26:00.000-04:00

Hi Guys, how are you doing? First Praise Wednesday, whoop whoop!!!! I know you guys are not as excited as i am, and are only looking forward to Friday. Isss okay, i understand :). I am glad you guys like though, i am truly honored. I replied every single comment for the past two months this morning, you guys made me smile, laugh and cry. You guys make sense all the time, you are not afraid to correct me or tell me the truth. I really and truly appreciate you all.

On to the post then...

I struggle with sin a lot, partly because i'm the kind of person like i said who is very aware of her misgivings. Like when i lie, i feel like i have committed murder, much more the big things. Like when i tell God, i will never have sex again and the next week i had. For someone like me, its hard to ever feel like, God is going to forgive me, like no matter how repentant i am, he can see that for one i enjoyed the sex, so how can he forgive me? Like i often think, that's why God has not done this for me, or that breakthrough he promised, he won't do it, because i have sinned yet again. Isiah 59 vs 2, says "But your sins have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear".

But because the Lord our God has infinite love for us, i read on a blog yesterday that he loves as much as he loves Jesus, all he asks is that we come back to him, confess our sins and we start with a new slate. Don't run away from him cos you think your sin is so great. James 1 vs 15 says "Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death". That tells us that we don't have to let our sin be full blown. The wages of sin is death, only if we let it be full blown, so we must confess our sins to God and be repentant and work on not committing that sin over and over again. Matthew 9 vs 6 - tells us that "God has the authority to forgive sins' so rest assure in that.

Our sins, won't nullify the word of God, though it may delay it, but the word says his plans for you are to give you a good and expected end. It also says in Romans 11:29 "For God's gift and his call can never be withdrawn", his word his ye and Amen, so that which he has proposed on your life will surely come to pass, because his word can never go back to him void.

I'm trying to learn this a lot in my life, and i just thot i will share. It might help someone today. May God have mercy on us, but more importantly help us and give us the strength to overcome temptations, like he did. Amen.

A heart like yours - Cece Winans

Who am I - Casting Crowns

RIP Kona - You will never be forgotten.

That's it guys.... See you on Friday.

P.S I Love You

Music Monday Returns…

2011-08-08T00:00:00.000-04:00

Hi guys, how are you doing? Hope your weekend went well. I went to the Alexander McQueen exhibition in New York yesterday and I’m not sure if it was worth the more than 3hours standing in line, but it was definitely an experience. His tailored line was ‘FIERCE’ I mean just fierce, and I want so bad. He had only 3 dresses that I liked, and surprisingly they were the most feminine of the lot. The one was made from organza and it was just pretty.

I found that I am just not interested in fashion, I have a very simple style, I like my dresses feminine, but fit, I hate a-lines, I don’t like fluff, but I love colors, I love statement pieces/accessories mostly earrings tho, I love showing off my legs and I can wear heels all day. I think that even when I have the money to afford all I want to, my style won’t change, my clothes and all will just be expensive.

Nways, guys as you see in my title I am bringing back Music Mondays but more than that I want to be consistent on my blog. I feel like I am very undisciplined lately in my life, always passing off things I can do today for tomorrow and I’ve never been that kind of person. I feel like I am no longer dreaming and that’s part of the issue, and I’m just waiting for the next step in my life to happen to me. This can no longer be the case, so I’m starting small i.e. this blog.

On Mondays, will be Music Monday and I am inviting everyone again to be a part of it, including regulars like Miss Taynment and Lohi. My email is nifemioyedele@hotmail.com to send me a Music Monday Post. This was such a big part of my blog and I just let it go and there is no excuse cos music is still my very first love after Jesus of course.

On Wednesdays, will be our Praise Wednesday, yes I am moving Praise Thursdays a day forward. There I am going to share praise and worship songs, as well as some words that will hopefully inspire, encourage and uplift you. Again you can be a part of it by sending an email, I hope to see Miss Esther continue to be a part of it as well.

On Fridays, will be for now the story until I complete it, and after which I will just use to post whatever I feel like. In the meantime, if I ever do feel like posting anything I will on any of the other days, but I really want to be consistent with this and I hope you guys hold me accountable. Also I know a lot of you read the blog, via a rss feed/Google reader but I have added my tumblr page to the blog. Follow me on there and let me know if you have one so I can do the same. I like Tumblr.

O guys please follow @weplugoodmusic, like us on facebook and join us at the site wepluggoodmusic.com. I do music reviews on there and I’m telling you we have some of the best music out, on there and its not just mainstream stuff. You will discover one great artist, in a range of different genres, trust me. Check out conversationsabouther@blogspot.com as well. It’s a good look.

Nways let’s get to the Music shall we?….

My favorite song right now – All of the Night

I heard this song the other day and I remembered why I love Janet Jackson – 70’s Love Groove.

This song just makes me happy – Colbie Calliat ft Common – Favorite Song

I can definitely relate to this song, but more importantly this girl can sing. Check out my review of her EP here. Kelly Erez – Letters

O I just discovered this dude, cos I was given his material to review and let me just tell you, he has a very bright future – Cris Cab – Good Girls

Repping from my city Detroit – Big Sean baby - Live this life ft Dream

That’s it guys. Wishing you a fabulous week. Thanks for the comments, the prayers. God bless you all. See you on Wednesday

P.S. I LOVE YOU

Q & A - Get to know me

2011-08-04T22:53:00.001-04:00

Two things i've done today, read and write, all day..... ALL DAY.

Hi guys, so i totally, had something else i was going to post today, but i saw this and i decided to do it. You get to know me a lil but more. :). Feel free to join in, if you are so inclined. Just send me a link to let me know that you did it. Thanks.

1. Heterosexual - I love me a fine fine man.
2. Singing.
3. BB - yea, yea, yea it is what it is.
4. Never been on a first date. Never. At 25 and four boyfriends later, this is a shame.
5. I'm pretty high on self esteem. I think i'm worth a heck of a lot, even i might not be super awesome.
6. Amorighoye.
7. Ken Folliet - The Third Twin
8. Telling me you know i'm going to do you. Lying, Smoking, Smelling, extreme cockiness, flashing wealth.
9. Oye, is pretty awesome. She's my partner and my first true love, before bb, lol. She gets me, she is there for me, she lets me be me, never judges, prays for me, fights for me. God brought her to this world just for me.
10. I have no favorite animal. I do want one of those tiny dogs that never grow tho or a pink rabbit.
11. My siblings and a whole bunch of friends.
12. He said he didn't see the future with me any longer.
13. I saw my advisor about what classes to take next semester. Played Words with friends with Daniel.
14. Not sure that i have achieved anything yet. I guess maybe starting my doctorates. Not sure, really.

15. Liars. cheats and fakes, folks who take advantage of people. Describes a lot of people i know.
16. Wow, that's hard. Just heard Janet Jackson's "70s Love Groove" and i'm in love.
17. He kissed me on my neck, he knows i like that and turned me around and kissed me long and hard and we kissed for a long while. I love to kiss.
18. A good set of teeth and a great smile.
19. Never had a pet.
20. Coffee flavor. i'm addicted to coffee
21. In Paris - Not sure why, but all week, that's what been on my mind. I wish i could be there on a warm summer night like this.
22. That i was a side chic to BB.
23. Ibadan, Lagos, Ondo, Lagos, Ibadan, Michigan, Ohio, Houston.
24. ~~You could get me a ticket out of here~~. Lol, no, i'll love you if you were not so selfish.
25. I have big plans. To help change the health system in Nigeria, own an orphanage, be a professor, travel the world, adopt plenty kids, be the best manager ever. etc. Big plans.
26. That i caused all of this. That i was too foolish, too naive, i should have left at the first sign, that i'm a failure.
27. I have to go to fedex to do something for the bro. I didn't do it today. And start on the 4 novels i got yesterday.
28. A professor, Minister of Health, a mother, a friend, a sister, a wife (i hope).

29. I never remember the answer to this question. I immediately try to repress embarrassing moments. O wait i remember. When i was much younger, i'm talking 17, i wanted someone to hear what was playing on the radio and i put the phone to the radio and not the speakers and all the boys who were much older btw, laughed at me.
30. That poverty will follow me. God forbid. That i will never truly be happy. God Forbid.
31. Buy my mum a house and my dad too. Set up funds for my siblings education and my children. Buy a house, actually two for me. Repay (for lack of a better term) all who have helped me and a lot much more. Start plans for my orphanage.
32. I like no one. But for the future i would like a man who is tall, has 6 packs, clean shaven, British accent, nice hands, educated and o is White.
33. My nails. OMG, they are gorgeous. See my tumblr page, if you don't believe me. Hmmm, but they probably didn't mean anything physical right? Lol. I love that i do the most, and i love that that wasn't taken away from me despite all I've been through.
34. LIARS. o and Fakes. Selfish people. People who take advantage of people that like them. Bad English.
35. I've not seen a band live, YET. Seen a lot of artists tho, Chris Brown, Fabulous, Ludacris, Chrisette Michelle.... a lot.
36. Lol, this is a repeat question but some of my other best friends are Ayo, Jide, Ife, Jibs, Nems, BJ, Yoms Miss Pearl .... Just one female, you see my life?
37. Out my body, no more than 4. Plus adoptions, no more than 8.
38. Picnic in a park. It seems silly, but i'm shy around guys i like, so this will be ideal for me, cos its casual, not so private and can be so much fun, if he's inventive.
39. A lot of things actually, lol. Cooking though i will say and writing.
40. Probably knowing that my siblings got evicted. A lot of things that seem so huge to me now seem so small and not worthy of being called traumatic.
41. No place but home, Nigeria or maybe Brazil.
42. So many nice things have been said to me, Ife told me i was gorgeous yesterday. He's an ashewo tho.

43. Not really, i want a place of my own but no complaints still. I want to move to NY.
44. Rookie Blue is showing. I love this Show. I picked this over Suits today.
45. My siblings are my life. They are why i'm alive really and we have a pretty great relationship, then again i'm older so they have to LOVE me. lol. My sisters and i were using our bbm statuses to talk to each other the other day and i have spoken to the bro like 4 times today. He locked his key in his car and blames me. :)
46. Lol, what is it with the pets yo? no pets.
47. MONEY!!!! Sigh. And o, getting word back from this folks. God is in control
48. ~~That he would change and be perfect and love me and we will have awesome looking children.~~ Lol. That all my dreams will come true, i will never lack, i will be happy and i will get this position.
49. My mum and i, have a great relationship. I tell her everything and she worries about me more than my siblings. She is pretty awesome, she believes so much in me and my dreams, i love her so much. My dad and i have a very civil relationship, i tell him things only if he asks and i never lie, like he knows about bb. Our relationship used to be so much better too, but i love him still.
50. The only word i can think of about myself is strong, which is ironic, because i hate that people say that a lot about me.
51. That you took advantage of my love and that hurt me more than you'll ever know.
52. From my bro - Where you dey now?
53. That i have small boobs. Lol. The fact that i worry way too much and that i'm not better spiritually.
54. An educated mind. My boy ife will tell you that about me. All you have to do to get my pants off is be able to engage me in conversation for a long time, make me laugh some and that's it. I'm easy.
55. Liars, especially when its against me. O and ignorance, i could kill a nigga when they bring that shit near me.
56. I love school. But of cos, we all hate the long hours that go in with that.

------------------------------
There you go. It actually made me think. Like i swear, i couldn't think of what self esteem meant or insecurities. Lol. I always have to think hard when it comes to talking about myself. Nways will be back soon.

P.S I LOVE YOU

The girl behind the scenes

2011-08-02T10:08:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone, how you doing? Its a new month. Whoop, whoop!!!!!!!!. I cannot believe its August already. First, it means i have been in Jersey for 8months, how rad is that? Second, it means i have been single for 4 months, well technically, we were never official so really it should be that I've been single for 3years right? Since Dec 2008. HOW RAD IS THAT? Lol. Third, it means i haven't seen my siblings (well the two that are here) in 5months, so uncool. Fourth, it means that i am only a month away to my second semester in school. My mother loves calling me professor, its kinda cool actually. And o, in Jesus Name, it means that this is the month where i get to give my testimony, and i get to move to NY (story for another time). All in all, its been a Great, yes i said great, as ironic as that sounds, couple of months. There's been so much love, even more hurt, considerable amount of tears, plenty of joy and its all to the Glory of the Lord.

So about my title. I read two posts, one on Madame Sting; which reminds me, guys i read your blogs, almost every single one of you, i just don't comment which i know is really bad considering that i clamor for your comments, so forgive me, but know that i read; and Jon Accuf's. One was about being anonymous and the other was about being a different person on social media. They both inspired this post.

First, i totally get being anonymous and for a while i was, but i've always liked having a face to the name, i'm the kind of person who wants to know your full name, the day you were born and the school you went to at the very least.
With that said i'm the most private open person you will ever meet. You cannot find me on most social media sites, i'm extra protected, not on facebook, not on twitter( o i'm back on there :p), not on linkedln, not google+, nowhere. You cannot google my name(s) (of course you have to know which one i'm using that year and how i spelt it, lol) and my find me in multiple places and trust me i've tried it.
The reason being that i'm not a writer, or an artist, or celebrity where its ok to be that public. I do not want my future employers to be able to find me, i don't want anyone really to be able to find me. So i guess my point is you can be open, without being out there, but if being anonymous works for you, then that's good too. I read on twitter that anonymous bloggers are liars, i strongly disagree, and i hate that people tend to make generic statements like that. Ok that was just my two cents on that.

Second, was being a different person on social media compared to who you are in real life. I am guilty of this. Let me explain though before you twist your noses, lol. On twitter for example, i am a big flirt, you should see me, i work it well, in person i am shy around guys, especially a guy that i like, ask bb, and i have never understood it. I am always talking about being naked and my boobs, and wanting a man, and doing a man, things that i would not have conversations about in person in general.
100% of my conversations are through some technological mode of communication, as you very well know, i don't have a lot of friends around me and even then i tend to be anti-social like i call it, i can be withdrawn, just watching tv, reading a book, or just listening to the person talk. Meanwhile if we were chatting on bb, i will be witty and funny and engaging. This is a flaw of mine, i'm dealing with it.

Another thing i do is talk more on here, than i do in real life. So i could have been crying all day, and i mean like its been the worst day ever, and my best friend calls me and i'm all talking like nothing happened, so then she reads a post and i've bared my soul on here and she gets mad at me. I did that with bb a lot, cos like i said i never liked to share my problems with him, he would call and i would make sure to make the conversation about him (boys like that and i'm an expert at it, lol) so much so, that when one day after we stopped talking he told me that "my blog was part of it" i.e. part of why he ~~dumped~~ me, it took me a while but i understood.
At first i was so upset, he wasn't supposed to be reading he promised me that, and the friends we have in common were also not meant to be telling him what i wrote, plus all i could think about was that i spoke so much about my feelings for him on here, but i never told him (i'm more of a show how you feel kind of girl). Now maybe i'm rationalizing and he just didn't like the fact that i talked about him period, but i think in hindsight i could see how me not talking to him about my feelings/problems and some more of the personal stuff could be a problem, every other thing i wrote on here tho i promise i told him. I can be so superficial when it comes to conversations in person, talk about the inane stuff, talk about you, and music and nothing deep, nothing that tells you where i stand or how i see things. I need to change that, i really do, not sure how, but i need to.

Which brings me to my last point (i swear it will be the last thing i ever write about bb). Like i mentioned earlier, i never talk about my feelings, just don't know how to. My close friends keep saying i need to talk to bb, tell him how i feel, what he did, to leave me alone, like ayo says "he needs to be told about himself". I really cannot, i hate confrontations, arguments, anything of that sorts, i'm quite a sissy. So i tell them, i'll write it, because i'm good at that, ~~i weave such a pretty tale on paper~~, lol, on paper i tell the truth, nothing but the truth so help me God.
I haven't written it yet, although i suspect i will soon, but more importantly i won't send it to him, first off he won't read it, trust me. Secondly, what is the point? which is why i brought this up in the first place. Why do people write letters to their ex's? For me, writing gives me all the relief i need, whether or not anyone reads it, i say so because i have another blog that only i see where i pour out my emotions(that's where the letter will be). Me "telling him about himself" won't change him and per-adventure (i love this word, lol) that it might, i just don't think its my job to do so, i believe there comes a time in every one's life where they have to be self aware enough to see their wrongs, see how they have hurt someone and then change. I also, don't need to make him feel "guilty" (for lack of a better word) i've said this before and i say it again, he made a choice, he has the right to do so and not to say that he didn't hurt me, didn't take advantage and all that bla bla but shit happens no? O and more importantly i do not want him back (even though i am still in love, its just not enough) and i feel like showing him that will have him thinking otherwise. So my question again to you is why write a letter to your ex, or even tell him/her how you feel after the fact?

Ok that's all for now, i'm going to spend the day at the movies and then go to church. I haven't been out of my house in four days, how rad is that? Lol.

P.S I LOVE YOU
Thank you all for being a part of my life. It means a lot. (see, expressing me feelings, lol)
Bye Bye.

Blithed Roses - Blythe II

2011-07-31T12:18:00.002-04:00

Blythe woke up, disoriented, head pounding like them 808's and a nasty taste in her mouth. She walked blindly, headed to the bathroom needing to brush her teeth quickly so she could take something for the headache.
"Ouch!!!! What the fuck? Why is there a door here?"

Opening her eyes now, she looked around. Her clothes from the day before were scattered around the otherwise neat hotel room, the door of the mini bar ajar, empty vodka bottles on the side table. Events of the night before flashed rapidly before her eyes, causing her to groan even more. Drake. Drake and Lisa. Lisa, his best friend turned fiancee.

Her bladder reminded her that she had more pressing needs to attend to which she promptly did. Thankfully she always carried with her travel size toiletries, something she had started doing because of how often she would sleep over unexpectedly at Drake's. The cold shower helped her to regroup, calming her body, soothing her headache and lifting her temporarily from the emotional abyss that had overcome her last night.

Clad in just boy shorts, she stood by the now open windows of the hotel room. It was a glorious view of the city, one she could now afford and often took advantage of whenever she was stressed and needed to think. She wondered if anyone could see her from their rooms, or cars as they zoomed by. Definitely the window cleaners could see her in all her glory. Not like she was particularly shy about her body. It had taken her a while; a year with weight watchers and 6 months with a personal trainer, but now she was in love with her body and though she dressed conservatively when she was out, she was always naked at home.

Blythe was a pretty girl in her own rights, a statement she was convinced was generic for people who were not beautiful, neither were they ugly. 28 years old, she stood regal at 5'6, with perfect smooth caramel skin, and eyes that shone bright and clear when she was happy and was dark as night when she was sad. At 150 pounds, she no longer felt as fleshy as she did 30lbs earlier, now she felt supple yet firm in the areas where it mattered. Her greatest asset, her legs; her worst her less than luscious boobs. Not like she had a butt either, but that was not so noticeable with her child bearing hips.

She could hear her phone vibrating in her bag, but she'll be damned if she picked up. She knew her friends would be worried, she was not the sort to go away without telling at least one person but what she needed to do was get a massage, and go swimming and then finish the book she had had in her bag the entire week - after she woke up. She needed to sleep.

She curled under the duvet, multitude of thoughts in her head, unaware that she was crying until she felt the pillow wet. She gave in to the tears, weeping loudly and holding the pillow tightly, her thoughts now focused on just one thing "Drake". What bothered her, was not knowing why they were apart, why he left her, what she had done to deserve the silence from him.She again recalled the last thing he said to her; "i no longer see a future with you, and you are getting older, i don't want to hold you down, you need to move on and find someone who will love you like you deserve". Who said that after 5years together? on the phone no less. She could not get over how callous and selfish he had been not even having the decency to talk to her face to face. He made the decision on his own, like she didn't matter, like she had never mattered, thinking only of himself. She knew she should never have told him she loved him, men always left after you told them you love them.

She remembered their last day together, their 5th year anniversary, the many ways and places they had made love, how she had told him and showed him that she loved him. That night she had been too happy to sleep, as he snored loudly besides her on the floor. He snored like a heavy duty generator, and at first she could never sleep when he was around, many times going to school the next morning groggy and tired, so much so she refrained from sleeping over during the school week. Eventually tho, she became accustomed to it, finding it hard to sleep on nights she was not with him, it became a lullaby for her, she would fix her mind on the constant droning sound till she was blissfully asleep.

She felt lucky then, she felt lucky that of all the girls Drake could be with he had chosen her unassuming self. She had never understood why she felt that way, but he felt like the star in her otherwise dull life, he brought a certain excitement, a certain liveliness to her life and she loved being with him. He would come home and tell her of his day as an entertainment lawyer, making her sore with laughter talking about one celebrity or the other and she regaled him with stories of the students in her class while she was yet trying to get her doctorates, especially the boys who tried to approach her. She had thought what they had was special, and damn near perfect, everyone thought so. Two people who were polar opposites, who understood each other completely, flaws and all, and he had a lot of them, but so did she.

One week after the anniversary, she had left for a week vacation with the girls, Tina and Simi, friends with whom the hardship of getting their doctorates was one of the many things they had in common. It was the end of the semester, and she had finished grading all student papers as part of her job as the Teaching assistant. She had thought to cancel and spend the vacation with Drake, but he had convinced her to go, told her she needed it as she had not taken a vacation in two years. She would not go cos she could not afford it, even when he offered to pay for it. He called her stubborn, a trait she was not ashamed of.

She could not get a hold of him once during the week she was away, she had been worried but tried not to let it affect her vacation, sometimes he would travel because of a client and would be unreachable so she figured that he had been called unexpectedly. She had been back for about three weeks and all Drake had done was send a handful of texts, he wasn't calling anymore, even the text messages seemed forced. Something was wrong and she knew it but could do nothing about it. So she waited, she tried to be supportive, sometimes one needed to just deal with their own demons, something she could totally understand, having a few of her own demons to deal with herself. She tried to see him, going over a couple times but he was never home.

So when he called that Friday night, exactly a month after their anniversary, she was over-joyed, she had missed him so much, she had missed sharing the details of their life like they always did. His voice was cool, void of the warmth that usually filled his voice.
"Hi baby, i miss you"
"Hi Blythe, i am so sorry. How have you been?"
"I'm ok Drake, i've been worried about you but didn't want to be pushy or a nag. Whats going on? Talk to me"
"I'm so sorry babe, please say you forgive me."
"Of course, you haven't done anything wrong. I know you like to deal with things your way but you can't always shut me out. We are supposed to be in this together. We share issues, we talk to each other, even when i can't help"
"I know Blythe and you mean a lot to me. The thing is i think we are heading in different directions, and i want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy".
"Am i hearing you right Drake? what are you saying? Stop being a coward and say what you want to say without beating around the bush"
"I'm not being a coward, i'm trying to be honest with you here. I don't see the future with you like i could anymore. All those times we talked about being together, starting and raising a family. I just don't see it anymore and i don't want to hold you back anymore"
"You have got to be kidding me Drake, this after 5years together? and this is your reason? You don't see the future??. Who is she and please don't lie to me now"
"No one Blythe, i promise you on everything that we've had together. There is no one, you know how much i care about you"
"Bullshit Drake you can't even say the word after 5years together. I love you, do you know what that means? Its a whole lot different from just caring about someone."

They talked for a couple minutes more after that, she calmed down once it had sunk in, she hated confrontations anyways and she never could understand females who caused a scene when they were being dumped. Like it was not humiliating enough. She remembered every single word he said that day, and that was a shame since it was almost two years to the date.Two years was a long time. She was now a full time Psychology Professor at the community college and still single. He had clearly moved on, she had heard even before she saw him last night. But she had never dreamed that she will see him again. The world is way too small, she thought. Clearly she also needed to move on, she was surprised at how affected she had been by seeing him. One thing she was sure of, she never wanted to speak to him or see him ever again. The other thing she was sure of, she needed to actually move on and not just say it. "Starting today", she proclaimed loudly. First she needed a change of clothes, and a swimsuit.

As she walked out of the hotel, to go to one of the stores that surrounded it, she never noticed the man who rode with her down on the elevator, admiring her as she walked seductively, although he could bet she was very unaware of that fact. They say the eyes are the gateway to one's soul and her eyes told a story he longed to explore.

--------------------------------------
Read Part 1 - here
Read Part 2 - here
Hope you like it guys. I want to hear what you think, i see you all reading it, but not saying anything.

P.S Sorry Miss Myne about your hand, hope you feel better. This is me being lazy too comment on your blog.

P.P.S I LOVE YOU

2am Musings

2011-07-28T03:23:00.004-04:00

Y'ellloooo folks. What it do? I woke up from an ill advised nap with a migraine. Excedrin to the rescue as usual but the caffeine content in it always keeps me up. So allow me to enthrall you with the contents of my brain, and hopefully afterwards I can get some shut eye.

Work ends this friday for me. It was just three months but I thank God so much for it. I have payed off last semester's school and now I can register for next semester. I was able to pay off some bills and all that, so I'm really glad. The bad part is you never get a chance to save and now August looms ahead with all the bills and things and its hard not to be afraid, not to worry and to trust God and not be depressed. Someone asked me how I stayed positive, not sure what my answer was but lately for me I sleep(I swear I'm averaging eight hours now) and I wake up remembering that God's mercy is renewed to us every morning.

I often wonder if that was one of Bb's reason for jetting, he didn't want the fnancial burden in his life. I would not blame him.

It was my mother's birthday on tuesday, she turned 51. I thank God everyday for her life and I'm truly blessed to be her daughter. The woman is also simply just gorgeous and I'm actively looking for a man for her.

I am going to buy myself a gorgeous ring when I can afford it. I'm sorry but I cannot deal with the incessant questions.

Ok,the android is kinda annoying to blog with. Ha,this reminds me of something I complained about somewhile back. I want to call it the showoff statement. For example, person sends an email and then goes "ps. Sorry if there are any spelling errors I'm still learning how to use my ipad 2". It makes me laugh and I see it a lot too. With that said now transferring to blackberry. I knew there was a reason for keeping this phone other than bbm. Lol

So how about Don jazzy and the 2k incentive? Anyone of them worth listening to? I'm not a fan of Don Jazzy/ D'banj but I can dig the movement definitely.

So in a way I'm impressed that Wizkid dropped out of school to follow his dreams(Still not sure if this is isn't a rumor, but I'm no longer connected to these things). I think its great that he believes in himself enough to put all the cards on the table and run with it. Still I am such a big propenent for education and I'm kinda mad at his crew for encouraging it.

I love that EME boy - Skales (without question his biggest fan) but my love will cease the day I hear he dropped out of school. Is that cos I don't think he's awesome and so should get an education? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I think he's mega talented and given the right push and backing will head straight to the grammys but I think he can do that and get his education. Some of my most talented friends and artists I work with like Klem, Senavoe, Konnect, Sugarking (forgive the name dropping) all have degrees, infact two of them have masters.

So my interview went well and I hope to hear good news next week. Could really do with some goood news.Thanks for the prayer and support guys.

I honestly don't get it, but I desperately want a baby. I have rationalized (I'm an expert at this btw) that this is because I desperately need to give this love I feel to someone who will reciporocate in kind and give just as much and more the way only a child can give, innocent in all its ways. Thankfully it can't happen, but still I am so ashamed of myself for feeling this way.

Someone called me attention seeking and that really upset and hurt me. It made me wonder if I'm doing all this (blogging) for that. Is it the way I dress, what I tweet or make my bbm status? Have I unconsciously been seeking and living for attention. I hate to think that's me, I hate to think I'm judged in a bad way by others because as foolish as it sounds I pride myself on being as good as possible (whatever that means) and its the only way I want to be seen. I know, I know everyone is going to have their opinion of you good or bad but still I want to know, is it true and if it is, I need to change it. I confess to seeking attention from bb, but I thought that was part of liking someone but from others I don't know.

So about this vintage/thrift shopping.I need to get on that movement asap. The issue is that I hate shopping in of itself. Hoping I get this job and then ill be forced to cos I have no good work clothes.

My brother could easily have been the first born, although I don't think I've done such a bad job of it.

My baby sister aka bold and beautiful is done with her 4th year pre-law next week. She's 19. I am so immensely proud of her and very jealous too.

O so do you think I should change the name of the blog? Diary of an unpaid-intern isn't exactly true any more is it? Although I couldn't even think of any other name but I thought ill mention it to you guys. Its as much mines as it is yours.

Ok let me try, reading a book till I fall asleep. Will put up the 3rd part of the story unfaillingly this weekend. E ma binu. I have to do my weplug posts first before Ayo kills me. Ayo btw, I love you and I know everything will work out. God will definitely turn our lives around.

P.S I Love you

F.W.B

2011-07-23T13:14:00.003-04:00

“Are you okay?”

“Yea, are you okay?”

“I’m good”….. Smiling knowingly

“Good” averting eyes.

Hmmm, what was that? Why does he seem cold after last night? The mind blowing sex, ~~no that wasn’t sex~~, we made love. Did he not notice the difference this time? The way I gave my body, soul and heart to him. Was this time not different for him, like it had been for me? Could he not tell that I was in love with him and everything was different now?”

Friends turned lovers, a conscious decision on both parts. We respected each other, we liked each other, we could do this no strings attached. And it was good, great sex (best I ever had), no awkwardness afterwards, sometimes we cuddled, sometimes we didn’t. Exclusive, but still able to go on dates and flirt with other people, it was awesome. Until I felt the signs of catching feelings.

“I think we should end this”.

“Really!!!! why?’

“Well I think I’m ready for a serious relationship, you know. I’m getting old and its time to settle down”.

“Yea, you are getting old. The breasts are sagging a little just right there. Ok, if that’s what you want, sure. It was great while it lasted right? and we remained friends, such a win-win situation”

That was 4 months ago, I met a guy and I like him and we’ve been on several dates. He is with a girl, his best friend. We travel for yet another business conference, and we get a room together, after all we are ‘just friends’.

After a long day of training, we get back to the room, order some room service, eat, and get on the bed, him to watch TV, and me to read a book till we fall asleep.

He starts to play with my boobs, I pay no attention, we’ve been there several times. Then he’s kissing my neck.

I turn around. “what are you doing?”

Shhhhh and he drops in for a kiss, and we make love for the first time.

His phone rings. “Hi baby, yea she’s here we had a good time last night. O come on baby, you know she’s my other best friend and we never liked each other like that. Yea besides she’s got a guy now, although I think she needs to kick him to the curb, he’s such a loser. I love you baby, see you soon.” …. She says hi.

“Does she now?. Did I just hear you say you love her, isn’t that real quick?”

“Not really, we are best friends and I’ve always loved her, but now its romantically as well. So hmmmm about yesterday?”

“O forget it, it was nothing. Just two best friends remembering old times (Okafors law). it was great though, but we probably shouldn’t do it again”

Replying just as casually, “ yea I agree"

A week later,

Phone rings. Cuts call.

Text message: Been trying to call you all week, call me back babe, I’m getting worried”

Three weeks later,

Loud knock on the door. Rushes to open the door. “oh its you, what are you doing here?”

“What the hell does that mean? I’ve been trying to reach you, I’ve called you, I’ve sent you messages. No response”

“I’ve just been busy, you know how it is?”

“Talk to me, what’s wrong. You have not said a word to me, since that day at the hotel, did I do something wrong”

“No you didn’t, I messed up. I fell in love with you and that was not part of the plan. We were only meant to be friends”

“Silly girl. If you had picked up the phone, you would have known that I love you too and I broke it up with her, because I want to be more than friends. I have missed you so much”

--------------------------------------------------------------

I saw friends with benefit yesterday, inspiring the story above. I could relate, in a way. I feel like I spent the last year and a half in a friends with benefit situation, except I messed up and I caught feelings I had no business catching and they weren’t just temporary feelings, but some deep shit that’s going to take a long time to recover from.Like how it felt to hear him tell someone else “I love you”, the pain. Except he will not be barging on my door, lol, you gotta love movies though, they make everything feel better.

In other news, 11bucks for a movie, smh. I have no regard for money btw, nowadays I make sure to use it on what I want before something else comes up, like it always does. Like my glasses breaking last week, so I had to go see the doctor, order contacts and order new glasses (300 bucks, just like that). O but my glasses are nice, they are green(the ones that broke were purple).This whole week, I would go as if I wanted to remove my glasses, forgetting that I had on contacts, I had been wearing glasses for too long.

Next week is August, I would not have finished a 100 books by then. Its not my fault though, for the first two months I was looking for a place to sleep, books were the farthest thing on my mind. But if I push it till Sept I just might guys, we’ll see. With that said i have read some really awesome books. I am about to start “The Help”.

I have a wedding in a couple hours, I get to show off my gele tying skills, which I acquired after practicing for a long time this week. If I don’t like it, I am just going to hold it jo. I love my dress though, its simple and nice, will take a picture.

Pray for me for Monday, I need this miracle really bad. Speaking of which let me get back to studying. Story will be continued on Monday. Lovely weekend guys.

P.S I Love You

Blithed Roses – Drake

2011-07-19T17:57:00.005-04:00

It just couldn’t be. Drake closed his eyes, thinking he was seeing things again, he could not count the many times he thought he had seen her, finding it to be someone else; at the park In NYC, the streets of London, The museum in France. “Did you see your friendly ghost this week?” His friends and family would say teasingly. With a smile, he opened his eyes, the sheer idea that of all the places he would ever see her will be back in Cali was ridiculous.

The smile froze on his face, as she started to speak. “Wishing Ed and Erica, the very best marriage will bring. May your love for each other stay just as strong as it has been for the last ten years, for the next 60 years. Looking forward to carrying that little bundle of joy in you Erica and Ed remember the promise you made to me, I will hold you to it. Congratulations guys, I Love you so much”.

Blythe Thomas, un-fucking-believable. His Blythe Thomas. He would recognize that voice anywhere. His eyes bore into her, although his face showed no outwardly expression. He immediately assessed her, noticing the changes in her, although she looked pretty much the same. Typical of Blythe to be dressed so casually to an event. The ladies here were dressed to kill, well at least the singles amongst them who kept ogling at the men, a typical scene at an engagement/wedding party. Blythe was the only one in jeans and a casual top, he could just hear her saying “gotta hide the folds babe, its not sexy”.

She had turned her back to him now, her round derriere in sight, and he felt all the blood rush to his manhood, and he instinctively crossed his legs before anyone noticed. He was instantly transported to the last night he had seen her, the last time he had held her in his arms, the last time he had had been deep inside her - fit like a glove, the last time he had kissed her delicate lips, the last time she had smiled that same smile she was now sharing with someone she was talking to, with him.

April 7th; their 5th anniversary, the last time he had seen her. She had been absolutely surprised that he had not forgotten like he always did. One of the things he loved about her was that she had never been hurt that he sometimes forgot important dates. After the first year of relationship, she had taken to putting little reminders in places she knew he would see them; pockets, wallets, reminder on his phone, his notebook that he always carried around with him, reminder email, or a voice-note.

He had taken the day off, knowing she had the day off as well from teaching, this week was study break for the students so she didn’t have to go in at all. He woke her up with a kiss, carried her to the bathroom where he already had a bath running for her, dumped her in gently and told her to hurry up. “Drake, what the hell?” she had screamed. Quickly he ran to the car to get all the gifts he had gotten her and arranged them, one in each room of the three bedroom house, including the kitchen and the living room, she was to find them all, get dressed and meet him at the coffee shop two blocks away.

30 mins later, just as he had finished reading the last page of the daily paper, she walked in radiant and beaming, her eyes searching for him. When she saw him, she mouthed the words “I love you, so much” walked to him without breaking that eye contact, kissing him deeply as she got to him. He had ordered her breakfast, her coffee already cold. She decided to skip breakfast, “I have wicked plans for you” she said and dragged him back home.

They made love at every site of his gifts; the master bedroom, the guest room, the study, the kitchen and finally the living room. That was where he always pictured her when his thoughts would stray like they often did to her. That had been her favorite spot in the house, he would wake up some mornings and find her tucked under a blanket, reading a book, or some students essay on the right side of the black leather couch,always the right side. Making love to her on that couch, her moans as he took her from behind, the way her back arched, her hands and head on the wall, her moans of delight as she climaxed; had made him feel more powerful than any deal he had ever brokered.

He watched her for a couple minutes more and when he was sure that he had his emotions and his arousal under control, he stood up, told his fiancée he would be back and walked towards where she stood by the door. He was a couple steps away, when she turned and saw him, recognition dawning on her. Something about her look, the mirage of emotions that ran across her face, had him frozen for a second, he then continued his approach.

He was steps away, he could touch her if he extended his hands and just then she turned around and walked out.
------------------------------------
Meet Blythe Thomas - here
P.S I LOVE YOU.

So......

2011-07-16T14:00:00.000-04:00

....................I deleted twitter. Sorry Miss Natural. I also cannot believe i did it, but what had happened was i was tired of people thinking my tweet was about one person or the other. I have explained numerous times that i tweet to look for trouble, but seeing as no one seems to believe me ( i cannot for the life of me understand why people think everything i say is contrary) one more person asked and i deleted. I have been told "that was extreme", "you are a brand, you need to get back" and simply "you must get back". Lol. We'll see, right now i am not missing it, as much as i thought i would. I will miss my friends on there sha, i can't even lie. Plus no birthday shoutout for me sha, hmmmm maybe i'll get back on right before my birthday. Please if you see me on twitter right before my birthday (keyword being right before, just in-case i go back tomorrow) you should all call me out and then boycott my birthday. Lol.

So my stories come naturally to me, but the issue is making them make complete sense. Let me explain, for the past one week the part of my story that i can't figure out is the characters profession. You see i think its pivotal to the story, but i feel like you have seen or read that story before depending on the profession. I see why Nollywood stays re-making the same movies over and over again. I'm a perfectionist i know, it might seem like a minute detail, but pick i must and i shall be writing the next part of the story as soon as i'm done with this.

I have mentioned that i tend to write using a bit of my own personal story, the thing is then that i don't want to write anything that will make anybody close to me uncomfortable, or make anyone think that i am talking about them or sharing their story. So then i wonder, if i'm anything of a writer if i must tell my own story to write. How can i be good at something that i feel like i know nothing about? How do writers do research for their work, pick out the characters and make you fall in love with them? My story is about relationships, i haven't had a successful relationship ever, how then do i try to explain the process, talk about emotions i haven't experienced? So this is definitely a discovery process for me, i need to find how to be a good writer.

So i read on twitter the other day that a "friend is only a friend if you share enemies" - this is largely paraphrased but the the gist of the story was that my best friend is supposed to hate my enemy. I don't get it. Why? So the person is my enemy, if my best friend is friends with the person, then i shouldn't be best friends with her again. Does this make sense to you guys?

The other one i read said that "you are not best-friends until you have fought and then be friends again". Again largely paraphrased, but i also do not get it. I have not fought with my best friend, we don't agree on things, we argue, sometimes we don't talk to each other, we are like that, but why do we have to fight to say we are friends any more than we already are. I have fought with my male best-friend and we are still best of friends, maybe that did help us, i don't know. I just know that i never want to fight with my best-friend, she's my sister and partner and that will not just be a good look.

So my best-friend Oye looks like me, infact she looks more like me than she looks like any of her siblings. She is two days before me and has the birthmark on her body like i do on mines on the same side too. So i have this story that what had happened was, her mum delivered and something happened to the baby and the doctors wouldn't tell her what, but they knew that my mum was giving birth to twins and you know back in the days twins was a taboo (never mind that there are twins in my family o), so they stalled for two days and when my mum delivered they just took the first one and gave it to her mum. Obviously i have not worked out the kinks in the details like the fact that she was born in America and i was born in Ibadan. But that's my story and i'm sticking with it. Lol.

Ok guys, hunger is killing me and the headache is impending unfortunately. So let me go find food, do my nails, i have gorgeous nails although i just noticed that my fingers are naturally bent. I never noticed, apparently everybody else did. I shall be back for the second part of the story and to also reply comments. I'm glad you like the new layout guys, its so cutesy and girly, hehehehe. Miss Natural please send me your number/bb via email ok. And hi to all my new followers/readers, thank you so much for being a part of this.

My favorite song right now - Rescue Me - The Weekend

P.S I Love You

This is me, you're not talking to

2011-07-09T12:22:00.001-04:00

Hello wonderful people, how you doing? So i'm hotel room chilling this weekend. Who goes to another country and just sits in the hotel room all weekend long? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been here a number of times though so maybe that's why i am not interested. I would go swimming but i have braids on :(, i want my short hair back.

When we came in yesterday, there was a fireworks display and it was just so beautiful. So when i was young, they used to laugh at me that i was "mami-water". I don't know if i mentioned it before, but my parents say when i was a kid, i would see a puddle of water and literally jump into it. I love water. I cannot see a body of water and not gosh at its awesomeness. I would go on trips, see a body of water and where possible stop and just marvel. Its just water you would say, but i think natural bodies of water, is God's most beautiful creation.

So i missed the gist and i'm not curious enough to ask, but its another episode of war against bloggers on twitter. I am tired of it, the stereotype is extremely annoying really. I am a proud blogger, i blog about everything and anything. If i tell you that i blog and its reason enough for you to not talk to me, GOOD RIDDANCE. I am looking for any reason to not talk to guys anyways, so out the door you go, don't let the door hit you. Yes, i am sure my blogging has possibly affected my life ,friendships and relationships. I DO NOT CARE. You just do not have to read. Finish.

So i have noticed a recent development in my life. Guys are sexually attracted to me. Please do not roll your eyes. I was always the girl, guys liked after talking to me for like a ~~week~~ month, getting to know me, then they find that they keep wanting to talk to me. But it was never a "omygosh, i want to smash". Not sure exactly what has changed, but its actually kinda nice. I don't think i ever had/i have self esteem issues but i had a point in my life where i hated that i was also always in friend zone, and not desired. I complained about this a lot over the past few months and now when i really could not care less and just want to be another face in the crowd is when it happens. How's that for ironic?

I did good for a friend this weekend. Its actually why i am on this trip. I am glad i was given the opportunity to. I could never repay my friends so this elevated my spirit. I wish you all the best hon, God will be with you every step of the way, on this new journey. You are a true friend who never asked for anything in return, i'll miss you.

The sucky part is not being able to share the good news, no matter how minute. See song below.

So my first real exam comes in a couple weeks. All this while I've been skating by with my smile. Now the real professionals are going to examine me and i pray to God in heaven i pass. My life will change so much after this, if it all happens. Thy will be done, Lord

I was sad the other day and i got a piercing. On my neck. :-). I need to see a psychologist/psychiatrist, sooner than later.

I am grateful to God for everything, i have finally come to the conclusion that my life would be nothing memorable without all this. I would have just been another person in the world. Not to say that i am unique in any way (i think its funny when people scream i am unique, extraordinary and special, bla bla bla). I am just a regular girl, in this big world, lucky and blessed. I however like to think that if i died today, at least a 100 people will be affected. That's a significant amount of people, lol.

#random - I dance everyday and i'm not sure if i ever mentioned this but my favorite genre of music is country music. (Again see song below). Country music singers get me.

I need to get my shoe game up. I am embarrassed to say that i only own 15 pairs of shoes. For someone who loves shoes that's such a shame.

I feel that i get judged by my lack. It's never bothered me.

They don't make them like they used to anymore. My question is why? i guess i should direct that to God really. Sometimes i think that i want to go now, so i can ask him all these questions i have, because the questions would have changed by the time i'm old and gray.

I told my mum the world is coming to an end, she said its not possible, she hasn't carried my child yet. I laughed. She's cute.

My ability to be vulnerable, insecure, strong and independent in the space of a minute baffles me.

That stupid idiot girl that said she judges people who studied English, psychology and sociology and called ~~them~~ us, olodos still makes me furious. There are those who think the same way but think, because they didn't say it out themselves are better than she is, let me just let you know you are equally as stupid. If in 2011, you still think any degree, anything really, makes you superior than the next, please enter the nearest lagoon and die. Actually no, don't ruin water for me, just hug a transformer.

Be a friend if you want to be a friend, don't be a two timing son of a bitch. You have to do a lot of hiding and conniving and lying, isn't that shit work? if you know you can't be a true friend (i would define this for you, but its too long) then don't be please.

I have only person in my life, that i cannot seem to forgive and just seeing her name brings up many vile emotions in me. The kicker, she hasn't done anything to me. Not sure when exactly i used her as my source to dump every vile emotion in me, but i can't seem to let it go. Prayer has not worked and i pray about it everyday. God help me.

Ok shower, read for a lil bit and then work on my story. In my mind, its awesome. I hope it reflects on paper. Be back in a couple hours.

This is me - Randy Travis............ My exact words before we ended things. - Lyrics below
Randy Travis - This Is Me: "This Is Me"

Lately I get the feeling there's something you're holding in
How can you be so quiet as close as we've been
Do you think your silence is saying there ain't nothing wrong with you
This is me you're not talking to

This is me
The one who knows you inside out
The one you've leaned on 'til now
Don't you know I'm still here for you
So what do you think you're doing
Who do you thnk you're fooling
This is me you're not talking to

You can run to me no matter what you're running from
If it's something I'm doing
I'll get it undone
Just don't let me be a stranger to what you're going through
This is me you're not talking to

This is me
The one who knows you inside out
The one you've leaned on 'til now
Don't you know I'm still here for you
So what do you think you're doing
Who do you thnk you're fooling
This is me you're not talking to

P.s I love you

Blithed Roses……Blythe

2011-07-05T22:28:00.003-04:00

She wasn’t sure when or how it had come about, but Blythe’s resolve was renewed, it was time to no longer wallow in self pity of the mess that was her life, a lot of which she was totally to blame for.
Today, she was in good spirits doing two of her favorite things, painting while she listened to the best of soulful music. She had noted that lately male artists seemed to capture much more of the varying emotions of her existence than the female artists. “It probably has more to do with myself than to do with the artists” she thought to herself.

She inhaled sharply and smiled, the sweet smell out of the oven assuaging her senses. There was undoubtedly, in her mind, nothing better than fresh baked cake. She was going to have to bake some later for herself as this was to be a lovely two tier chocolate rum cake filled with cream for her neighbors below who had just gotten engaged and were going to be celebrating with family and friends tonight.

The smile turned to a slight frown and she sighed heavily; it was hard not to be a little wistful at the thought of her being yet again the single girl at the engagement party. This time was supposed to be different though, she had found her one, except it appears she was not his one. Standing up angrily, she went to the mirror “Blythe, any guy will be lucky to have you” she said, blocking out any memories of Drake. Selective amnesia they called it and forget she will, no matter how long it took her.

This was a trick she had learnt when she was just a teenager and life had started getting harder everyday. At first it just had been a way of survival, appearing outwardly calm and collected while her insides were wretched and twisted, weeping ugly tears as she smiled brightly.

As she walked back into the studio, she took a breath and exclaimed in pleasure. “Wow! wow! wow! Talk about colors”, laughing out loud. As her train of thoughts had taken a turn for the worse, her brush strokes had become furious on the canvas and what was supposed to be a good & elegant painting for her neighbors engagement gift had come out chaotic and yet strangely alluring and beautiful. She had not been aware that she had used more colors together than she ever used, preferring to always work with one color first before starting on another, making sure things blended in a nice clean way.
Ding! Ding! Ding! The timer on the oven went off.
---------------------------------------------
Hello lovelies. I have started on my story and I hope and promise that this time I will really work on it and make it good. It should be fun, plus it ensures that I am more frequent than I have been. So let me know your thoughts, any suggestion and what not.

As with all my stories, its my life in fantasy, a lot of it will be true and a lot of it will be exaggerated and have actually not ever, and will never happen.

Hope you are all good. Wishing you a great month of July and a great second half of the year. Like my title says, I am looking forward to the memories of today, with the hope that my best is yet to come and my future will be so much brighter than it is now and I will never forget where I came from. Still grateful and blessed everyday along this journey called life.
See you soon.

P.S I Love you
P.s.s I hope you heard me when I said there was nothing to forgive.
Neefemi

Royal Pains

2011-06-26T11:37:00.000-04:00

Hi guys, how you doing? Hope you had a really good week. I did say i was going to come back in a couple days right? You guys are used to me at this point abi? :) Lets get right to it then

I spend more time brushing my teeth than i do in the shower. Ok maybe not exactly but i brush my teeth with a vengeance. When my parents got divorced and my mum would come visit us, the first thing she checked was our mouth and i was always the one she said did not brush properly, especially my tongue. So if i'm not bleeding/choking, i haven't brushed properly. Lol, i know my issues run deep.

I've had some really good times in the process of not having a place to live. Its funny how unguarded i am, and so relaxed i guess because i really have no control of the situation. The one week i went to MD/DC, came back and went to NY (the day i tried weed for the first and last time) and i had maximum fun too, meeting up with friends and all. The next week i went to Summer jam 2011; i saw Lil Wayne,Diddy, Ryan Leslie, Lloyd, Drake, Fabulous, Rick Ross, Chris Brown, Busta Rhymes, Wale, Waka Flocka and the list goes on. I went alone too, yes i am quite a loser like that again not caring where i was sleeping that night.

The next week i slept in a hotel and a motel the next night, guys, whatever you do, DO NOT get a motel. Omygosh i was sure i was going to get some skin disease all because i wanted to save 20bucks, never again. Sneaking in to sleep at a friend's friend's house, because, well i don't know all who reads this blog so i will keep quiet now. Lol. Let's just say, there would have been wahala if i was caught. Sneaking in to sleep at a friend's uncle house and said uncle being on the toilet seat as i walked in to take a shower. Its been an interesting ride.

So the other day the NBA draft was going on in NJ and then the after party in NY. Me that i said i'm looking for Oyinbo guy , i now sat my butt down. You see how much of a loser i am. My friend and i were talking about it that night and she goes "well they are too young really and they always end up leaving the ride and die chic that is with them in the beginning, going on to mention all the NBA guys who have gone on to do so". So maybe i averted something no?

I am a ride and die chic, its never going to change. But she is right most guys don't end up with the ride & die chic. My ex said to me that was why he cheated on me, lol. That was the only way he could think of to get rid of me. I have come to the conclusion that its what scared BB too. So maybe I've only dated cowards (no offense), or i have really done the most and should change my ways. Shrugs.

Which reminds me i had a BB moment the other day, i was not missing him, or even thinking about what we had, just was appreciating our love for Music. You see we were complete opposites on most things, and i have to agree with those who say "opposites attract". The trick is you have to have something that binds and for us that was music, he loved music, although not as much as i did, so i enjoyed making him listen to new music and sending him music and him sending music, and explaining to him why i loved a song/ vice versa so where i used to skip songs that would remind me of him, for the first time i did not, and just laughed at every memory or recalled story. It was fun.

The Nigerian Female team, did not play well at all today. They need to stop eating too much eba. I thought Miss Taraba was quite pretty, didn't see what the big deal was, i do get however that if she does not speak good English and is too represent us on a world wide stage then it is a good enough reason for her to not have been picked. But surely she can be coached before the time comes. And rather than insult the girl, shouldn't we again be talking about the mess that is our education system.

So American Football, doesn't want to come back abi? Mschewww in the mean time Summer TV is not looking soooo bad. Royal Pains, Franklin and Bash, Suits, Unnecessary Roughness, Big C, Hawthorne, Burn Notice, Covert Affais. Plus still reading loads of books. One month left guys. Have i mentioned that eating healthy through all of this is another stress on its own? Omo counting calories is hard. The way i crave weird food and sugar when i'm on my period is making me scared for when i'm pregnant. I pray my cravings are like for broccoli and shrimp etc, things i generally hate but are good for you.

It was my brother's birthday yesterday, even if i were to forget because of old age or something, i would be reminded by the fact that it was the same day the great MJ died. Again, happy birthday Junior, i love you mucho.

O i think i'm just going to settle for this place i saw last week to live in, hopefully its a temporary situation and i can upgrade soon. Please pray for me for a new job, this one ends last day in July, so hoping my phone starts ringing this week.

Nways i think that's about it. Have a good week guys, May the Good Lord Keep us all and meet us at our point of need. Muaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S I Love you

WadUp

2011-06-18T11:43:00.000-04:00

If you are on twitter (I have a love/hate relationship with twitter), you already know my favorite song off Wizkid’s Superstar album Is Wadup with D’Prince. I swear I don’t hear what Wizkid is saying on there, complete jargon. I am just waiting for D’prince’s part '”when tears and sickness made me cry”. I find myself straight up laughing out loud and then pressing repeat. It’s hilarious. I am quite surprised Nigerians are not as impressed with the album as I thought they will be. I thot Nigerian’s liked fluff/jollof music (insert scapegoat etc) and I would not think they will be expecting some deep lyrics from Wizkid. I honestly like the album sha, which I am very surprised about, I expected to hate it.

WADUP THO? I have missed you guys and I really have no excuse except that I still have not found a place and as such I am not stable and was not at peace. Sometimes I wonder how I even am able to smile, but I stay smiling. I have this theory that I get said good morning to/smiled at by random strangers than anybody in this world. No jokes. I really am grateful for the mercy and kindness of strangers. Where I am right now, has been the most comfortable I have been in two months and she had never met me before and took me in like I was a long lost friend. A special shoutout to miss TayneMent. I really will never be able to pay you back, but I pray that somehow, somehow I am able to touch you in a mighty way.

So on Tuesday, I was ready to jump, but then I remembered that I had the number of the church here in Jersey I think will be my main church and I called wailing and he implored me to come to church that night and I went and I have felt so much better since. It’s weird cos I’ve still not prayed/worshipped/read my bible, but I just feel better sha. He (Pastor) strongly believes that I am meant to be great that’s why I am going through this and he said he was happy that I knew God so he knew I won’t do anything stupid. I can’t lie I laughed sha. First off Dear God, can I just be normal and not go through all this, it’s ok not to be great you know. I told him and he said I need to change my attitude. So I am attempting to do so henceforth.

Ok enough with depressing news, on to good news. I am done with Nigerian boys. Yes people I do not care if he is the best thing since ice-cream if he has Nigerian blood in him, even a 1/4 %, I am allergic. Also I found out in 2011, that guys are still blabbing about the fact that they kissed a girl or made out with a girl. I believe they put up billboards when they have sex. I cannot. But guys my question is this, if you are not meant to have sex before marriage, and I never get married does that mean I will be sexless the rest of my life? Have I asked this before? Omo, hmmmm. God dey sha.

Which reminds that I am proud to announce that I have finally let go of BB, in a much shorter time than I thought possible too. I really still love him and all, but I think the letting go part is the most important step in my own recovery and I’m glad. Getting over feeling hurt/used is the next step.

So that’s how July is about to be here and I have not finished my books and I have not learnt Spanish and I haven't applied to jobs. You see how I am such a weist. God have mercy on me. Meanwhile I am sitting down right now getting my hair done. Can somebody say PRIORITIES?

Road rage will not kill me in jersey, say AMEN. New jersey folks are so stingy with the road and the akata in me has threatened to come out one too many times I swear. The one day I was ready to come down and put the fear of God in this woman. In this heat (some days, cos NJ weather is majorly bipolar) the foolishness is not allowed. I am trying to really watch what I say sha, cos I’ve been saying “one of these days somebody will just die” what do you want to bet its me and not the other passenger? So I will never say that again, I shall live to declare the Glory of the Lord.

Ok so this is getting really long and I don’t want to bore you, so I will be back in a few days after I have applied to like 50 jobs. How are you all doing tho? I hope your summer has been great and it is well with you and yours.

Please download Afrofunkydiscosoul here ---> http://bit.ly/l4nrGs, my favorite album out of naija right this moment and it’s so good I am mad that its free. Plus I am hoping to have him as a client, so please guys. Thank you in advance.

Thank you for all your comments, for checking on me, sending me emails, reaching out, still reading the blog. The Lord bless you mightily.
For my very best friend in the world, Amorighoye, God I thank you. Please keep her for me. For great friends, for awesome siblings, the best mother in the world, and my father(yes I added him, lol), I am grateful and appreciative.

Speak to you soon.

P.S I love you

God is in the details

2011-06-01T22:17:00.001-04:00

Was on my way from looking at a place I hoped against all hope will be where I will live. My aunt emailed me to ask that I send her key today, so I thought “Thank you Jesus, you knew ahead and made a way for me”. But as it has come to be in my life so many times over, it was not worth the 1hr 30 min drive there.

The God honest truth is I am tired of this life, but I can’t kill myself. I do wish that it will happen naturally provided I get to go to Heaven sha. But I digress. So nways I kept missing my turns on my way back and I just started aimlessly driving until I finally got it right and as I turned I saw the most beautiful scene, missed the turn to get in and you know I had to make a U-turn to stop.

You see I believe that even if God is not with/in me. God is in the beauty of this earth. Where I am sitting right now, even though I will show you a picture, you cannot marvel at the beauty the same. You also cannot feel it and smell the air. Its gorgeous. As I sit and just marvel at the God that created this place, and marvel at man for having the common sense to preserve this place and as I watch the father teaching his kids how to fish, I just smile through my tears. I honestly have the biggest smile ever.

I am uncertain of so many things in this life, especially why I am here. But I am a certain of a God that is present, and that loves beauty, that took his time to create the things of the earth. That thought of day and night, so that as it the sun sets over the water and trees right now, you can praise him. I cannot seem to pray/sing/worship but right now at this moment I praise him with my tears, with my heart/soul and with my words that I type to you.

I think I’m going to sit here for another hour.

P.s couldn’t post this while I was actually at the park, but I did sit for another hour, cried and listened to Detrick Haddon’s ‘Amen’ till I left which starts by reading Romans 8 vs. 18.

“ I surrender, not my will but yours. I’ll bless you for all of the good and I’ll bless you for all of the bad. Nevertheless say Amen. When troubles comes, say Amen and when troubles go, say Amen, I don’t understand but AMEN”

P.S I LOVE YOU

Update

2011-05-31T19:51:00.001-04:00

Hello everybody, its been so long its not even right. I definitely need to be spanked (no dirty thoughts now). How are you all doing though? I hope the start of your summer has been great. It appears that it might be the hottest summer we have had yet even though it started off late. The plan is for me to be naked as much as possible, lol, not literally but you know what I mean.

So ehen, no one participated in my 200th post giveaway. Its ok, I used my amazon gift card to buy myself a nice leather bound cover for my kindle. Thank you very much. Can you guys believe that we are in June already? Time flies yo, its really worth praising God for, I don’t care what you have been going through. Which reminds me I am still looking for a place in Jersey guys, if any of you know someone around this part I will really appreciate it. Babe is living in her car men and its not a good look.

Which again reminds me do you really believe people are out to get you, and don’t want to see you prosper and are happy when you are sad? or am I really that naïve? or are Nigerians really paranoid. I got so much grief for writing about the eviction (I had to take it off). My one guy friend was told by a girl he’s talking to and apparently she was running her mouth. The thing is I don’t even care for me I feel like by me saying all the bad, no one can use it over me and it doesn’t hurt me anymore than if I didn’t share but I got tired of people disturbing me about it. I think it’s a sad world though when people constantly say don’t trust anyone and people want to hurt you or are happy when you hurt. A really sad world.

So guys I think I have a special case of self esteem issues as evident by how high I was on compliments and attention this weekend. I have come to the realization that I don’t see myself as good enough or fine enough or able enough. Makes sense since I really hate compliments and being told thank you. If you ask me this is probably linked to the constant lack that I feel but I am yet to diagnose it completely when I do, I’ll let you know what’s going on. Lol.

So ehen, I got enough numbers this weekend and I was feeling like a hot cake with myself. I still got it guys . Plus my butt grew again. hehehe. Got dude talking about he’s following me home from dancing. With that said I am dead serious when I say that I won’t be looking for a Nigerian again. Just not happening, which means I need to put myself out there so I can meet a really nice white guy or non- African sha. This world is way too small for me.

So I am selling tickets to the EME concert in DC on the 24th and its cheaper than if you bought it online so hit me up if you are interested. Lol, walahi I should just quit school and do this hustle full time. I still think I am going to get this degree and leave it to be in the music industry. My poor mother, lol.

Omg there are these two devilish looking black cats staring at me right now. I’m about to run. I hate cats. Ehen where was i? Guys I tried weed for the 1st and LAST time ever yday. I can at least say I’ve tried but hian, its not for me. My throat was so parched, nothing could quench it till today. Ha explains why I haven’t eaten today.

I swear I had more interesting things to say, but I can’t remember as usual so this is just an update I guess to let you know I am thinking about you and I am grateful for your presence in my life. I am working on a story so as soon as it makes sense to me, I will share and I am also still reading and soonish will put up the list.

Till then keep the music playing, keep dancing and smiling.

P.S I love you muchos.

28 things

2011-05-17T01:28:00.000-04:00

Hi guys, how are you doing? I am done with school for the semester, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy me. I am so excited even though i am going to miss it. I wish i was part of the people graduating :(. I want to be done. I had nowhere to go today after work, just sat in my car for two hours, reading a book.

Which brings me to my first ~~complaint~~ (for lack of a better term) of the day, all i dream about now is settling down. No, not as in getting married, that ship has sailed but i want a home guys. With parents being divorced, i was always either at mums or dads and then i moved here and i have moved every single year from one uncles house to a friends couch, to my own many places, to best friends couch, to my siblings place, to my aunts place and now to another friends (i'm rotating friends) couch.

One of the reasons i did not immediately move to naija, was just that. Not feeling like i had a home. Its ok for a 2-3week journey, but to move back and decide whose house i want to live in, i really can't deal. That's the only thing holding me back, to move back i need to have a place of my own. You know it makes sense to me now, why i said i would rather a man propose with a key to a house than a big ring. What am i going to use a ring for? i could care less, i need stability. I want a place, with a dog, and flowers and have my bed not just be on the floor but actually have headboards and a huge dresser with a mirror(i hate mirrors actually) but you get my point. I need a home. This cannot surely be life guys, all this constantly,wanting, needing and not getting. Sigh. I Smile.

So i'm 8 books into my goal to read a 100 books by the end of July. Which means i am behind a ton, but trust me i'll catch up. Still need more suggestions for books guys, greatly appreciated (which reminds me i need to respond to comments, forgive me my loves).

O guys, i went natural, i cannot afford to do my hair every week like i like to, ~~plus im single again so no one cares.~~ It will be an interesting ride thats for sure, i have tried going natural two times prior and my hair is not normal, yes everybody says you can tame it and all that but trust me on this.

I think when people say "you'll be fine", sometimes its hard to see it as a good comment. At least for me it is. The best friend told me how to say this without hurting anyones feeling but i cant remember, sha i think the phrase is inappropriate to console a person 99% of the time and should only be said when you are joking e.g. Person a: all these boys are chasing me, i don't know who to pick. Person b: laughs out loud, you'll be fine. O yea, the best friend reminded me she said what i am trying to say is that "it sounds like a non chalant response, even though it may not be what was meant".

Nways so i am currently putting together a list of all the things i want to do before i'm 28. I am not sure why 28, but it just seemed like the perfect age to do all my single things then decide what country i'm going to live in and by 30 adopt my baby/ies and live happily ever after. So i'm not done sha, but here are some of what i got (#random - i don't say sha when i speak o, but when i write i see it everywhere, lol).

TRAVEL!! TRAVEL!!!! TRAVEL!!!!! Enough said
Bull riding at a bar
Learn to play tennis and golf
Model on a runway for high profile fashion event
Act in a movie - a good one
Nude pictures - Classy, elegant and artistic
Learn to play guitar & piano & drums.
Learn French & Spanish
Learn sign language
Go Bungee jumping & para sailing, parachuting and a whole bunch of other daredevil stuff
Learn to ride a power bike
Learn to fly a single engine plane
Own some kind of property somewhere in the world (maybe two).
Drive at 150miles per hr in a mustang in Germany.
Sex on an airplane ( just because everybody has done it jo)
Hot air balloon date
Go to Disney world ( yes i haven't been)
Write a book, maybe two.
Volunteer in many different ways.
Run a marathon
Own at least one of the expensive things i've ever desired. You know The coach, Herve Leger, Louboutins etc just because.

That's all i got for now, will let you know when i come up with the rest. None of them seem accomplish-able btw, but a girl can dream.

Ok as far as music, i have a lot to share sha, but will only share the one today. Enjoy

P.S I LOVE YOU :)

My Favorite artist

2011-05-07T15:55:00.001-04:00

Hi guys. How are you all doing? I hope better than me. Been ill for the past two weeks, but trying not to be a baby about it, like I usually am. I miss my mummy a lot.

I’ve been what I call functionally ill. Ill enough to still work (considering how much I’m getting paid, hell yeah I’m working, even if its at a very slow rate). I miss Houston, my best friend would bribe me and tell me she will pay me for the day, if I would just stay home and rest. Lol, I was getting paid less then sha, but maybe I should tell her

There are three levels of migraine in my opinion

1. Can still watch TV – Just can’t laugh, scream, move fast.

2. Can’t watch TV – God please forgive me, I will never lie again, I will read my bible everyday, I’m soo sorry.

3. TV off, lights off, writhing in pain on floor/bed – God please take my life, this hurts, I want to cry but if I cry it will hurt more. God this is not fair o.

Thanks to Excedrin, my level 3 quickly went to back to a level 1 today, so once I’m done doing this, off to finish projects and exam and by next week Wednesday I’m done with school for the semester. WHOOP WHOOP.

Book Update – I am now on my 7th book. 93 books to go. I am determined to finish by July ?(30 days have September, April, June and November) – that just happened in my head- July 31st.

My ex just called to say hi – I always wonder what exact memory of “us” they are reminiscing on when they reach out. I often think they are thinking about a conversation( all long distances) or some song I introduced them to (even if they didn’t like music when they met me, by the time we are through, they at least appreciate music). Which brings me to why I am here.

Over the last month (wow, its been a month. Time flies yo) I have been all emotions and I do not know how to express my emotions. I have no need for them really, so it irritates me that I even have them but alas, I am human and female. But that’s when my first love comes in, MUSIC. Btw, on my tombstone it should read “she loved music more than life itself” or some variation of that. Where was i?

Yes, I was saying even though writing helps, with writing I will have to identify what the emotion is so I can eloquently explain it. But with music (and I really want to say THANK YOU GOD for artists worldwide(good artists', that is)) I don’t have to understand what I’m feeling, I just let the song reach me at that place that I am, then it all makes sense. That which I can’t put a name on suddenly becomes clear (light bulb moment).

Songs that tell my story, better than I could ever have

Songs that make me spontaneously start dancing

Songs that make me tear up – one drop, right eye

Songs that make me tear up – multiple drops, both eyes

Songs that fill me with regret

Songs that make me sad

Songs that make me happy

Songs that make me joyous

Songs of praise and worship

Songs of gratefulness

Songs of appreciation

Songs that say I’m upset

Songs that say I’m angry

Songs that bring back awesome memories

Songs that bring on wistful smiles

Songs that proclaim the future

Songs that explain the past

Songs that do the begging for me

Songs that say FUCK YOU

Songs of loneliness

Songs of desire

Songs of need

Songs of passion

Songs of a time/place - Ibadan, Lagos, Michigan, Ohio, Houston, Baltimore, Chicago, Indiana, Atlanta, Tennessee, Boston, Staten Island, New York, New Jersey, Windsor, Toronto, Hamilton, Ottawa, Montreal, London etc.…

Songs of Neefemi…..

I’m sure a lot of you can relate to what I’m saying. I want to know, what is that song that speaks to any of what I have described for you?

Which brings me to my topic, this is my 200th post guys. Isn’t that crazy? Shout-out to all the new guests. Yo Linda Ikeji, Bella Naija be very afraid. Lol, iKid. Thank you all so much for everything and to show my appreciation, I have a prize for the person who can tell me “who my favorite artist is”? If there are multiple winners, I will pick two randomly.

P.s For someone who has no intentions of getting married (we Oprahing this shit yo) I have a lot of wedding songs, I swear I find one everyday. My point is if you are planning your wedding and need help with music, hit me up. Congrats doll

P.S.S I LOVE YOU.

Novacane for the pain

Smiling

2011-05-01T03:54:00.003-04:00

Hi guys, how are you all doing? Hope the rest of your week went great. I really ought to be sleeping but I can’t, too much on my mind I guess.
First off, thank you all for your comments. I really appreciate it. My siblings are fine and are all sorted, so I’m glad. My brother is mad at me, and even cut the phone on me(I find this act to be very rude btw, and im extremely upset at him) because apparently some people read my blog and decided to call him. I can’t blame him, I would be upset if any of my friends called me about this as well, even though its my own blog. Luckily, my friends know me well enough to not talk to me about it. I ask that if you read the blog and know my siblings, please don’t contact them. Its only fair, cos if they wanted to share, they will themselves.

Right now I’m in yet another friends house, cos like I said in passing in my last post, my new job is 2hours away from my place, with gas prices and my aunts place being 45 mins away from school, it all did not make sense. Its so uncomfortable, not sure the last time I’ve eaten solid food but I feel like I cannot complain cos at least I have a job now. God dey.

Again I wonder about God’s reasoning behind all this. By having people always have to bail us out from one situation or the other, isn’t that him sharing his glory with others? or by making us constantly chase money,doesn’t he care that it feels like its us worshipping another ‘god’. O well, I really do have a lot of questions when I get to heaven.

T.Notes said to me today that I have earned the right to give advice on life struggles, with all I have been through. I burst out laughing literally. Here are the three I gave him:

Smile – Always and constantly. Start by faking it if you have to, you won’t know when its permanent.
Pray and praise – even when you don’t feel like it, say a word at least, each day to God. He already knows it all anyways.
Be honest – with yourself, with those around you and with God. It gives you inner peace, when you are honest, especially with yourself, it might be ok to deceive the world, but it is a sin to deceive yourself.

Speaking of smiling, I was out yesterday (whoop whoop) for the first time since early Feb, it was a school black and white event, which was pretty fun, then went with a friend to a going away party. I’m not a fan of going to Nigerian functions that only want to play Nigerian songs, no offense but there is a whole world of good songs to dance to, can you put some diversity up in here? It was the first time I danced(read grinded) with another guy in over a year. Am I the only one who can’t/wont grind on a guy when they like someone else?

It reminded me of the fact that I could never take anybody I meet in a club serious. My last 3 ex ‘real’ boyfriends, I met on the dance floor and back in the days I could work it. Not so much now, its such a long thing men. I was also reminded that I don’t like getting hit on, its just so ewww. Guys thinking they are the shit, talking about you know you want it, dude are you crazy? ain’t nobody want your crazy ass. ain’t nobody told these dudes, I invented the word flirting/tease too. Mschewww. It was funny sha. The one guy was the camera man and he kept taking my pictures(in my mind I was beautiful too) and he got some really good shots.

Which reminds me, I need to date a photographer, be his muse for as long as we are together you know and then take some naked pictures and have it somewhere in his gallery. I can just see it now. lol.
I know, you all want to know the BB story, you have to get the book guys. I’m telling you, it will be quite a tale of love and hardship, and the inside world of our music industry and loads of gist on people you know. Lol, never mind that I haven’t yet put pen to paper o.But I digress.

Yea, BB made a decision that he thought was best for him and I have to respect that. There was no fight or anything like that, it was a very calm talk, i listened mostly, said my piece and that was that. I am in love with that boy, that’s not going to change anytime soon and not sure if it ever will, but I’m going to have to move on and I wish him the best and I pray that all his heart desires come through (still pray for hum everyday too) and most importantly that he be happy. So that’s that about that, it’s the end of yet another chapter in the story of my life.

So I’m on a mission to read a 100 books before the end of July, please recommend books for me. Also *cough cough* I need amazon gift cards. Lol. I have the kindle and I want to get all the books on there and that shit ain’t cheap. So far I have read ‘Water for Elephants’ and ‘Something Blue’. I am currently reading pride and prejudice cos I just believe there are some books you ought to read as part of life e.g Things fall apart or Oliver Twist. You are just supposed to have read them at some point in your life, even if you don’t like reading.

Ok finally sleepy, goodnight guys.

P.S I love you and thank you all for everything

I'll be back

2011-04-18T23:13:00.000-04:00

I miss you guys soooooooooooooo very much. I've been so busy. No sleep, no eating (my mum says i'm sure to be anorexic soon) and it just feels like there is not enough time in the day. I'm trying to manage anxiety/panic attacks and all i can keep thinking to myself is who sent me to school. The funny thing is, if and i'm praying its an 'if' still, i can't take classes this summer, i will miss it and be sad. In a twisted way i love it.

But nways, there is good news, hopeful news and there is bad news. The bad news i might not necessarily share but if you know me well enough i'm sure u will figure it out, i'm that easy to read. I have so much to tell you though. Bare with me till next weekend and you know i don't disappoint. Pray for me, i need it in more ways than one and take care of yourselves. Be blessed and safe

P.S I LOVE YOU
xxxxxx

Praise Thursday

2011-03-31T23:49:00.000-04:00

Hi Guys,

How was your week? Hope it was well. I was very busy and i accomplished all i wanted to do so i'm glad, hope to do the same tomorrow and weekend.

So i am no longer fighting with God. We made up :). But i noticed that even though i am expectant i am also fearful. I have an interview next week for a job and when i had got the news the first thought that came to mind was that should i say Amen and thank you in advance, because whats the point if i am not going to get it.
I used to scream over every good news, it didn't matter how little. I guess after it seems like everything good always ends up bad, you just lose something. Especially when right after i set up my interview for next week today, i get a reply from a position that i applied for, that i was rejected, a job i was overqualified for. I want my joy and hope back.
I also realized i wasn't completely grateful. You see even though i have not found a job yet, the fact that i worked in the health department in a city as huge as Houston, is great on my resume. So i need to be grateful for that experience. And realize that everything has indeed been for a bigger purpose.

Happy month of April guys. I wish you all the best, and i pray for new opportunities, continued blessings and most of all joy in your hearts and peace of mind. Enjoy the songs.

and i just heard this and i loved .... Stolen from djhax's blog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zigHL2kw_M&feature=player_embedded

P.S I LOVE YOU

My current playlist

2011-03-28T11:03:00.002-04:00

Hi guys, i have 30 mins to start and finish this post so leeeeggoooo.

Which brings up the first point, it usually takes me about an hour to write a post and that doesn't make sense since i have all of what i want to write in my brain already right? mschewww

I woke up at 6.30am and i still haven't done anything. Although i did my errands and all, but i thot by now, i would have finished my post and put in two hours of work. Guys, i really have gotten lazy, it seems like in every area of my life. This is not good.

I like being chased, by both girls and boys. My best friend (Oye) will tell you that she chased after me and thats why we are friends today and i realized yesterday that this is true still. So to all my friends i really do want to say a big thank you, for caring enough to chase after me.

I starved myself yesterday in protest, because i was just so annoyed. It was a stupid thing to do. I'll never do it again. It reminded me of the one time, my dad as punishment said we wouldn't eat that night (it was beans and dodo nways so i wasn't bothered) like an hour later, he says we should eat and i said i wasn't hungry. I then now got a beating for saying i didn't want to eat. lol.

I haven't spoken to my dad all year. How things change. We used to be best of friends, then enemies, then tolerant, then friends again and now we don't even speak. Don't think there's any going back now. I really do wish him well tho and i know he is insanely proud of me.

Learning to pick my battles, has been one aspect of the growth i am experiencing that i'm extremely proud of.

I was fighting with God, even though i was fasting. Isn't that weird? I think we are ok now though. He sees my heart.

I fear that a lot of people observe rituals without understanding principles. Its what you grew up with, its what you are told to do, its what the Bible says to do, but without understanding the why's. Maybe thats why when things don't go their way they fall apart. I have learnt this lesson the hard way.

Why call me and not leave a message when i don't pick? Clearly it wasn't important.

Its weird for me when i have pimples, my first this year and i'm sooo bothered about it. lol #vain moment

I need a job. Just had to put that in there. In case God is reading.

Saying you have a private personal blog is an oxymoron, seeing that its actually out there for everyone to read. I have a private personal blog though.

I love my siblings. They keep me grounded. Especially my brother. Is it weird that i see a lil bit of my brother in BB. Even though my brother is like 7years younger or so.

O the army sucks. Did you know that they don't recognize fiancée's or girlfriends, if a soldier dies? So what if the soldier had no parents or siblings and all they had was their significant other, what then? especially if the person was gay? Plus they send you packing so fast from base? They suck.

I love army wives.

You are supposed to spend the rest of your life with the one you love. The love of your life, should not die before you get a chance to even be married to that person or at least spend some time. I just think thats some kind of wicked pain. God please don't let us lose the ones we love early, family, friends, kids and significant others. Amen

I am elitist when it comes to music. I love it when I've had an album for a min, or loved a song for so long and people are now just hyping it. I just sit back and smile. lol :)

Wow.... didn't think i had much to say. My current playlist consists of these albums

My favorite song of Chris Brown's album

BB sees her and goes o i thought she was black - its that voice.

Get this mix-tape if you haven't yet - Its free and AWESOME music

I am a stan for this guy

Get this album as well, its lovely

Is it fair to say that she is the better part of Floetry?

Unfailing Love

I am slightly over my 30mins. Lol, have a good week guys.

P.S I LOVE YOU

While i was away

2011-03-26T11:53:00.000-04:00

Hi guys, how are you? It feels like its been forever since i was on here. I had so many things to say while i was away but i have this bad habit of not just wanting to write down idle thots, and i wasn't on twitter either so i think most of them i have forgotten or discarded but i will try to recall as much as possible.

While i was away, i thought a lot. I had a lot of free time on my hands in between studying and cooking( i really love to cook), i indulged in just thinking about myself, my needs, my wants, my desires and just trying to see if i understood myself. Some of the things i realized were,

I am extremely private. It's some kind of defense mechanism for me. Its not exactly a good thing.

I am a subservient person. In a way its my strength.

I love my new body. Yes i said new. Its extremely fun to walk around naked now. Plus there is something about appreciating my body, that has come with age. I just never got into my body, even when i was much smaller.

I am honest, so much so it bothers me when i bend the truth a lil. You know how you say it but you don't tell the full story and the person can interpret it to mean something else and you know you should have said something but you let it go. Its going to bother me for months now, i know.

I am very good at pretending. I just think i ought to fake it till i make it. It just seems like i've been faking it my whole life anyways. It also means that i feel fake the entire time.

I feel like i'm playing catch up a lot in my life. I feel inadequate a lot more and i feel like everyone can see that.
In a complete opposite turn tho, i am extremely confident in my abilities, and in my person. I think that my insecurities(not sure if thats the word i'm looking for) but the things that make me feel inadequate also make me very strong. The things i feel like i have not accomplished, the ways i think others are better than me, the things others can afford to do that i cannot..... make me have a story that most others don't have and i like my story so far. I want a change don't get me wrong but i also like the character that i have built over the years.

I love bb cos he is kind. I couldn't for the longest time figure out why i was in love with him. Not like i had to have a reason, but i wondered a lot, what the "it" factor was. I think for me its kindness. Even on the days he says/does things that inadvertently annoy me, i can always see the kindness in his heart. p.s if he doesn't know i'm in love with him without me saying anything he's a big goat.

I really want a baby/babies. I feel like thats my chance to create and mold something perfect. I think God laughs at me when i think this by the way, but i feel like thats my way to undo all the mistakes that have been a part of me. Not anytime soon sha, this dream i can wait for.

I don't want a big asking me to get married fanfare. I want a breakfast in bed, kinda deal. I want a band, no diamonds but something engraved. Apparently having diamonds is a really big deal (according to SBM) but i don't want that. Strangely enough i think instead of a ring, give me a key to my dream house.

My dream house is a bungalow(no stairs please) spread across acres of land, with my own personal toilet and Carrie Bradshaw's closet/ Hannah Montana(its bigger). lol

I want to take a camera across Africa and document so many things i feel like we don't show about Africa.

My friend said she's talking to 3 guys, i can't even get one guy to like me. I really am trying to understand this guys. I want guys lining up for me too. It just doesn't seem fair.

I gossiped, well that was yesterday with Femi, lol but i did. I felt sinful and good at the same time. Maybe i should gossip some more, lol.

I can't focus on one single thot at any point in time. Even when i'm praying. It really annoys me. I need help.

I love TV. I think America has the best offering for TV, in the limited countries i have been to, America is king. I love movies even more, i haven't been to the theatres in 5months though. I feel like they have a lot of good lessons.

Ok that's about it guys, i'm sure this was nothing like i had to say but o well. In some other news,

Its time to move guys, things have gotten bad. Sigh. what to do? I need a job still, and people are getting jobs around me left and right. Do you think i'm cursed guys? like this is more than normal, is it not.

Natural hair campaign people crack me up. First off you are mad that some people are still relaxing their hair, then you are mad that people are turning natural for fashion, then you are mad cos people don't like their natural hair. Lol. You see these things on twitter, tumblr and blogsville and i can't help but laugh.

Will be back on Monday, i have so much new and good music to share with you, i'm excited.

P.S I LOVE YOU. Have a great weekend

Praise Thursday

2011-03-24T19:29:00.000-04:00

I"M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

Will catch you up in a future post, most likely before the week runs out but for today just wanted to share a song with you courtesy my best friend. I don't listen to a lot of Contemporary Christian Music, well those that i wasn't raised up on, i'm really just into Gospel music. But i'm glad for my best friend and sisters who bring these songs to my attention. My best friend says the lyrics made her think of me, if you have read most of my posts you would see it too but i'm sure the message in there is for a lot of people on here as well. So enjoy!

O p.s. thank you for the prayers, i no longer have immigration issues. Grateful to God and thank you so much for praying with me.

p.p.s I LOVE YOU

Praise Thursday

2011-03-10T07:24:00.001-05:00

Heard this song on my way to school yesterday and i just knew i would share before i leave. It was for me and i bet for at least one more person who reads this. God bless you guys and your season of change is NOW. Believe it, be joyful and SMILE :)

Still put me in your prayers for Monday, please and please. Thank you

See you in 2weeks :)

P.S I LOVE YOU

Just heard this right now - had to share

ok now i'm gone. BYE

Everybody Settles

2011-03-06T17:04:00.001-05:00

Hi Guys,

How are you? Been home from church since about 11am and still not able to read. I have both my exams on Wednesday, plus a focus group tomorrow and i'm just pitying myself. I know i like to read under pressure but you will think after two degrees i would know better.

Nways just doing this now, cos i wont be able tomorrow, i travel on Thursday and like i said prior i am going to be away for 10days with little or no communication. Don't miss me too much guys, heheheheh more importantly put me in your prayers in particular on Monday morning, and please ask that i find favor in the sight of man and in the sight of God. Hopefully i come back with loads of good news all around.

I don't think i have a lot to say but by the time i'm done it always seems like such a long post. So lehhhhgoooo

First and foremost - Everybody and i mean everybody settles so its high time people stop saying this. Every man wants Halle Berry or JLO but they end up with who they end up with and every woman wants Morris Chestnut or David Beckham and you end up with who you end up with it. We all eventually settle for the lil things, its when people settle for the big things that the issue arises.(have i talked about this before, i feel like i have).

You do not settle for a man who does not want kids when you want kids. You do not settle for a man who does not put family first, does not put you first, does not put God first above all. You do not settle for a man who is selfish, a cheat and a coward. You do not settle for a man that hits you, who does not support you a 110%. Those are the big things and I've seen enough again recently to know that i am in no rush to get married.

I mention this because i have seen that people settle for the big things and sacrifice so much for that ring and the jubilation when they get said ring amazes me and i wonder what they are really happy about. Do they really believe things will change when they get married? Didn't anybody tell them that marriage is a lot more work? I wish i could divulge more information so you guys can truly understand what i'm saying but i try not to talk about other people in life and on my blog. Please guys, don't settle for a ring. Your happiness is worth more than diamonds or the ability to just say you are married.

O so another person dreamt about being at my wedding. Eyin eyan(people), what is the meaning of this? Why can't they see me winning the lottery now?

As much as i say whats going on, believe me when i say no one knows the half of it and in the case of BB he knows almost nothing because i would not tell him. I need to find a way to rectify that and i do not know how. Because i knew we weren't ready to be official, i decided that he didn't need to know about my issues. Plus my issues have also been financial and because of my experiences i have promised to never tell a guy i'm talking to about my finances and till now i haven't. The one time he offered, i turned him down and i know my baby is proud to never offer again.That's not the point btw, the point is i know that it hurts him that i don't share things with him, especially cos he shares it all with me and i'm on twitter thanking friends for something he does not know about, and there are so many times he asks and i brush it off. I just don't know how to share, i don't want to be a burden and i think a part of me fears that it will be enough reason for him to leave. I know it sounds silly but its what it is.

I hate when people say things like "don't expect anything, so you don't get disappointed" Its the biggest cock of bull i have heard. Isn't expectation the premise of faith and hope. How do you live a life without expectations? I just don't understand it. I expect a lot from people and things and from God, and the Bible says that my expectations shall not be cut off.

Thankful for my mum, siblings, BB and some friends for encouraging me on this journey. Was thinking about quitting, sincerely after this semester but i believe in a Good God and i know things will work out. My mum will say "iwa buruku to mu lode Baba e ni yen" (thats the bad habit you took from your father) when she talks about me being proud because i never ask for help. This past week i begged for help and thankfully i received but more than that i believe its a lesson that God's been wanting me to learn for the longest time.

I start to think that my life has no meaning, and then someone tells me their story and i'm there to encourage them and share my story(which is usually worse,lol) and i'm not telling you that i'm happy to be going through this but i do believe that my life has a purpose after all. I hope i live long to see the other side of this story.

Guys please monitor your health closely, so many instances of sudden deaths especially among young people. Its quite scary. Also please make sure you check your car regularly, don't drive on an empty tank, two instances of people who died fixing their car on their highway including my current neighbor here in Jersey. So please i beg you, take care of everything that concerns you and the Lord will continue to keep you all in Jesus Name.

I found out that there is a strain of HIV, peculiar to Africans. Its called HIV type 0. Please make sure to get tested for this in addition to getting tested regularly. I will be participating in a walk in May, please support me by donating right here: https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorreg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=447459&supId=322643327&extSiteType=2 .... I assure you nothing is little and thank you in advance.

Thats about it guys, I will be back after my exam on the 22nd (two days after spring break, it sucks). Please be good to yourselves and be safe. Love you all mucho, thank you so much for the support in every area of my life. God Bless

P.S I LOVE YOU

Praise Thursday

2011-03-03T23:06:00.000-05:00

God is a healer - Kurt Carr

Be Blessed - Yolanda Adams

Encourage Yourself - Tri City

Hold me now - Kirk Franklin

Total Praise - Richard Smallwood

These songs helped me through the hell that was this week Praying for a better weekend and for weeks ahead.

P.S I LOVE YOU

............................

2011-03-01T11:03:00.001-05:00

Couldn't think of a name, kinda out of it today. I'm grateful for spring break coming up next week, i will be away for ten days, no phone, no mails, nothing, just me and a few good books including school books (have two exams when i get back), doing a lot of cooking, not so much eating (i really do not like food sha, such a shame) and hopefully sneak in some fun somewhere in there.

How rude of me, HI GUYS. How are you all doing? Special shoutout to the new followers, i appreciate it. Which brings me to the start of this post....

I always feel bad, when i get people follow me after a Praise Thursday, cos i know on Monday i'm going to be talking about something bad and i imagine that they are always disappointed. I have this theory that my really good Christian followers pray to God on my behalf that if he were to come for me it will be on a Praise Thursday day so i don't miss Heaven.

I look horrible and i mean straight up ugly when i cry. I saw that face this morning and it instantly stopped me from crying. God forbid that anyone gets to see this face. I'm the kind who doesn't look so bad when i wake up in the morning, i don't look bad when i'm angry unlike my mom and my two siblings(you do not want to see this face, again straight up ugly) and i don't look bad when i'm sad/sullen(my other sister, just mad ugly) so it was a shock to me men. Another reason why no one will be in the room with me when i'm delivering, no jokes.

Another Pastor told my mom i'm getting married this year - 4th person in 6months. I'm officially scared. My poor mother, i can't wait to relieve her of this stress, its not been an easy year for her so far and i can only just watch. God please lift her load. I and my siblings have lived on the benevolence of people, strangers and friends alike for 7 months now. I think we have maxed out gan. Again Thank you so much, i appreciate you.

So i was mad sexually frustrated last week, like it was horrible. I was ready to jump anyone that was willing. Which reminds me, I don't know that i have the strength to stay celibate if BB and i are in the same place guys. You know how it is in long distances, you go visit and stay with him/her. I need to stay celibate and yet we have to see, so how does this work? Our physical thing is as strong as the ~~relationship~~ we have if not stronger. O i got to see him for a couple hours this weekend and i finally got kissed after 7months, it was wonderful and i can say unequivocally that i am an awesome kisser, top ten in the business really, lol. Right there was ready to strip by the way. So any pointers on how to stay celibate guys?

My friend told me the other day "I have accepted the situation". For some reason that meant a lot to me. It wasn't that there was a need for approval, but there was a need for acceptance, that even though i might be doing the wrong thing and knowing that all you want is to protect me from any hurt, you can still just accept me and the situation.

I do the ultimate most guys, like i go far and beyond for the ones i love. I make it happen, employ all my resources(mostly human resources)....oooo quick sidebar - I know people, who know people, who know people, as in, i can't shout(Thank YOU so much). In any case, i wondered yesterday if i was this way because i want to be needed, and hoping that whoever i help feels indebted to me forever and remains loyal, like i'm buying their affection you know. This is totally rhetorical by the way, so ignore.

If only i were able to fix my problems, like i am able to fix/solve everybody else's problem. I need a miracle before Thursday and no one to turn to. God please send me a divine helper.

I wondered why i had so many bbm contacts and only talk to like 5, until yesterday when i needed my Jand connects. I literally woke people up to help me and was able to figure it out. Never cut ties guys, except you totally have to.

I have cut all connections with my dad, such a shame but it is what it is.

Thats about it guys, wishing you a blessed rest of the week. Enjoy the song below

P.S I LOVE YOU

As seen on tumblr

2011-02-25T10:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, i couldn't think of Praise Thursday.... I have things to be grateful for but so many things are currently overshadowing that.... Added to financial issues is now immigration issues, add that to not being able to connect to God, can't pray, can't sing, can't read my bible, can't focus my mind on him for more than two seconds, and i'm frustrated all over again. I was sure i won't be in this position this year again and i'm just irritated but somehow i have been able to smile, and i'm happy(well relatively) so i know i have a lot to be grateful for. I just don't feel "gratefuly" at the moment. Nways i saw this on my tumblr and i thot i will share.

"Sometimes we complain about the cross we bear not realizing that it’s preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot…"

I thought this was a powerful message, i still was not able to pick up my Bible or sing or anything but i know i'll get back there. Hopefully sooner than later. God Bless, have a blessed weekend.

P.S I LOVE YOU

In Rememberance

2011-02-21T15:16:00.001-05:00

Exactly a year today, we lost a friend. She was just 22. I remember asking Oye (my best friend) if she had ever had sex. I know it seems silly, but i was just thinking about the fact that she is going to miss so much in life, cos she was so young and was just beginning to start her journey you know. Like the story of this girl in the UK, who collapsed and died after her first kiss.

That was my rationale for having sex for the first time btw, i was sure i was going to go to hell for it, but i reasoned that life was too short and i might die tomorrow and i needed to experience it (kinda sucked). Or that i will go and wait till i get married and then said man will go and cheat on me and give me AIDS. Like you don't already know my sense of thinking is entirely warped.

In any case, its been one hell of a year since that day. It was through her sister i met BB a couple days later. I left Houston, went back to Michigan, i'm now in Jersey. Her other sister is engaged to be married. And everybody's just grown. A lot changes in a year, shu a lot changes in a day, but we thank God for life. She is missed, and i just pray God continues to help her family with this loss. I pray that Lord keep me and mines and you and yours. No more sorrow this year for us in Jesus Name. Amen.

In much lighter news, i mentioned it will be a year on Wednesday that i met BB. We have this running argument of who made the first move. He argues it was me, cos i asked for his twitter handle that day. I argue it was him about a month later when he asked for my bb pin and then my number and proceeded to buzz everyday since. I don't think we have gone a day without some form of communication since. The beginning days are always the best, those were good times. Lol.

I went out on Thursday for this event and it was quite awesome. Young professionals all looking GQ/Cosmo ready and doing quite well for themselves. 10% of all the profits made was going to some African country or the other and there were a number of different nationalities represented as well. I was quite impressed and i made a couple new contacts and thats quite needed in this day and age. Shoutout to Nogobelieve and A Drop Of Water for being my hosts, i had a good time, thanks a lot guys. I wore orange, and everybody else like wore black, grey, u know and so i stood out like a decoration of some sort, but it wasn't too too bad.

So i swear by Lusters toothpaste and Paula's choice brighten up teeth whitener. Coffee addict, plus just not caring when i was younger and my dentition was beginning to embarrass me. Will still whiten it professionally when i can afford to but i swear by these, they work.
O so i found someone who would be my adventure partner, he's already done it all (bungee jumping, skydiving etc) and so he will do those again with me and we will do the rest together like Para-sailing, drive a motorcycle, and when i have money i'm going to learn how to fly a single engine plane. I tell BB this and he goes "you just think you are going to do all this". Lmao. He had said this before but i thot he was just joking, this is my biggest supporter in everything but apparently not this. Ladies and Gentlemen i am glad i am not married, because i will do all these things and just show him the video and that's that about that. Can you imagine?

That's it. I have an exam in a few, i haven't studied for. I had a headache for the past three days, it was very painful. Enjoy the songs and have a blessed week. Please be safe.

Miguel - Sure Thing

Adele - Love Song

Keyshia Cole - Take Me Away

Naeto C - 5 and 6

P.S I LOVE YOU

Praise Thursday

2011-02-18T14:25:00.000-05:00

Deitrick Haddon - Forgiven

Brandon Heath - Love Never Fails

Hi Guys,

Sorry its late again, i promise to do better. Both songs speak to where i am spiritually. I am really tired of loosing touch with God every so often, but i guess it just shows i am not spiritual there yet like i imagine Paul would tell me and i'm grateful to him for constantly forgiving me. But on the flip side, i see and feel his love for me, especially when i don't feel in tune with him. Its so affected the way i understand people and my new attitude towards loving people in my different relationships, in this few days of the year already.

Shout-out to Miss Myne - May God Bless You. Thank you soo much.

Thank you for all the prayers and kind words guys, wishing you a love-filled weekend.

P.S I LOVE YOU

Single Awareness Day

2011-02-14T02:07:00.000-05:00

Hello everybody,

Happy single awareness day. Okkk, i really shouldn't be like that. I did get val'd this year albeit early but i loved it. I was actually surprised, you see we are both not emotional/romantic people (part of the reason why i can't, won't say i love you) plus we didn't even talk about it at all. The last time we talked about gifts (my birthday) i gave him a $50 budget and he damn near died trying to figure out what he was going to get me (my best-friend had fun with this, lol). In any case, he totally went over the budget, hence not talking to me about it and he put some thought into it by getting me something practical that i love (courtesy my best-friend again, thanks babe). Thanks sweets, even though you do not read this.

On the romantic side tho my darling friend (he has a gf, i promise, lol) sent me roses and chocolates. Even though i'm not a fan of either, i love that he did that for me, it made me feel like a girl for a minute, i blushed (yes i turn red) for the longest time. Thanks again Femi, i appreciate you and you rock eternally. And all my male friends with the sweet valentine's day bbm's, i couldn't thank you enough (you actually made me cry).

Got back from Michigan today, it was great seeing my siblings. Love them too much and love our relationships. My sister made pancakes for me with sprinkled cinnamon sugar, so delicious. Again i feel like i'm missing out so much on my sister in Naij and we will never be as close (i hope not) and it makes me sad. My sister got 7 vaccinations and did not flinch, i got 4 and cried.

I think the way i interact with my siblings, especially my brother, explains how i am with everyone, especially guys. So is it only with me that guys who like me have great relationships with my sisters but hardly talk to my brother and are in some kind of awe of him? Like BB and my lil sister have a special relationship, they are in love with each other( they BBM, skype and all). BB won't say hi to my bro (my bro said happy birthday to him on his bday), but will ask about him and i think its always been like that in all my relationships.

I loved the Grammy's. I love music and i like that there was an array of genre's and talent displayed on stage. O i damn near cried when they started singing Jolene, i really wished Dolly Parton will come show them how its done. Will be sharing Esperanza Spalding's songs today(congrats to her on the win, tres deserving), i think its funny that people get extra worked up about the silliest things. O well, learning to ignore a lot of things lately. O so on that tiwa savage debacle, i have an opinion. She was right, as part of the writer of an album, you get a mention even if you wrote only one line. By your name it will show that you were a song writer on the album and it (song/album) was nominated or won. (See The Dreams wiki page for example). You are however still not a Grammy nominee and or winner. And not just that, if she went about it all humble like "I'm so proud to be part of a Grammy nominated album and i hope Fantasia wins cos she deserves it", i think the reception would have been awesome but o well, not impressed.

No class today, my prof cancelled. Yaaayyy me, i should go into school though, because i don't study as well as i want to at home, not sure why, the only place i was able to read prior was home. O so i like Naeto C's album, its a solid album from top to bottom. Only Banky W, Asa and Tuface(barely) have made solid albums in recent times in my opinion. MI's album seems like child play in comparison, i was surprised and happy for Naeto. O so i was able to upgrade my phone for free, thank you T-mobile. Spirit airlines made me pay 30 bucks (twice) for my carry on bag, can u imagine? I should have just gone with southwest, the difference in pay was not up to 60bucks and all your bags are free. Was so pissed, me that i had 0dollars, i was now scrambling to get someone to put money into my account.

O well i think that's about it, in general i am happy and content, things could be better all around, but i'm still grateful for what i have, even the things that don't make sense.

Fall In

I know that you know

Precious

Happy Val's day if its your thing. Could care less really, glad its about to be over in a few. If it's not, enjoy still. Have a great week all together, guys. I wish you all the love you deserve.

P.S I LOVE YOU

Praise Thursday

2011-02-11T02:55:00.001-05:00

Hi Guys,

Sorry this is coming late. Just took me a minute to gather my thoughts. So like i said in my last post(thanks so much for the comments btw, will respond to every comment asap) i want to share the message i heard in church on Sun together with what my aunt heard in her church on Sunday, that happened to correlate.

First of let me tell you that Brooklyn Tabernacle is HUGE, when we first got in the first thot that came to mind was "this is a zoo, God forgive me" but by the time everybody settled and the choir starts i was in awe. Nways the message was titled "The witch is Back" based on 1 Samuel 28:3-7.

The witch as the Pastor describes is that battle in your life that keeps trying to rear its ugly head over and over again. In Saul's case it was fear of the philistines, so much so that even after he expelled all the witches and medium, he still went seeking for one again because the Lord did not answer him (in my opinion, in time for him). He said that stuff, what you battle with that is will always want to come back, especially when you think you have let it go. He told a story of a new convert who told him that God told him, he will never have any problems in his life. Pastor said he laughed and told him that's why you are new convert. He said, as a Christian you will have battles, its like even more when you are Christian.

Why?

Cos Battles tell more about us than church worship services. Cos he said if it was all about Church we would all be well and good, but we have to deal with wicked bosses on Monday mornings, or even before that a wicked wife or husband. He said that "always remember that just because a battle is won, doesn't mean a battle is gone". E.g. a recovered alcoholic for a long time, has to battle with his demons every time he walks into a store and sees liquor. He then goes on to say that in the verse where it says "No weapon formed against you shall prosper" it shows that the devil specially forms the battle against you, cos he knows what gets you, what is that particular thing that will destroy you. He said Battles are not sinful, its what you do with the battle that is sinful, because the Lord did say you will prosper, you can overcome, because he won't give you anything that you cannot bear.

And this was where it clicked for me. In Mark 6:35-44, God fed five thousand in the presence of his disciples. In Mark 8:1-4, just two chapters later, when God wants to feed the multitude, the disciples again ask him, "how can we do this"? Not "o yes, just two chapters ago we saw you perform this miracle so we even know u can do with one bread and one fish". He rounded up by saying that the guy who made the cleaner "formula 409" called it that cos it 409 tries to get the formula right and he hoped that we got it right with God, knowing to trust him completely in much less time (single digit numbers preferably. Thank you Jesus in Advance).

At my aunts church, the Pastor talked about not putting a face to our battles. Because instead of dealing with the issue and focusing on that with God, we are constantly battling the "face". An example for me will be that right now, i have a face for my financial & relationship issues. This person just seems to be able to do whatever they want, whenever they want, gets all the latest gadgets, this person requests and gets, new job, new car, trips every so often, has traveled the globe + relationship stability and its like God, why are you putting this in my face? I have never thought myself to be a jealous/envious person and for me this battle is more than just that, its that things are falling in places for this person, this person seems lucky and i am not.

So moral of the story: There will be battles, don't put a face to it and trust in the Lord Almighty that he will help us every single of the way and that we shall overcome. That even against our desires and will because we have become so comfortable with our battles, we think its our right and part of our life so we should just contend with, that God Almighty will lift us up and rescue us and change our every situation in Jesus Name.

It was a powerful message, i needed it. And i hope that it touches you too.

P.S I LOVE YOU

Based on Conversations

2011-02-08T14:30:00.001-05:00

Hi guys, this is just a short post cos i want to know how everybody thinks and find out if i really am just extra special.

The other day i asked you guys, if anyone else got asked questions about what they said or wrote. Nobody answered, so this is another opportunity for you to please do that.

So today i'm talking to my friend Femi, telling him i had no suitors and that it was even so bad that a friend on bbm saw my status which reads "walking in love" and he said "i see that you are now finally in love or at least talking about love. Finally, Thank God, whew". and i was telling him how this is not the first person to say something akin to that. I go on to say that i don't like that I've gotten people worried about me (esp when it comes to relationships) and that maybe I've been giving the wrong impressions like there is an icebox where my heart used to be.

I then go, that's so not me cos i am the most loving person i know. He goes "you are one of those people with sooooooooooooo much love to give but does not show it" I respond with "i don't believe i have soooooooooooooo much love to give, i believe i have adequate love to give. He then proceeds to call me a contradiction (not the first time this has been said to me) Which brings me to my story.

Random fact about me: I rationalize everything, i think it a million times, before i say it out loud, before i tweet or blog it. I am very conscious about perceptions, like i understand that people are free to form their opinions just like that, but i like to present myself in a good way as much as possible. Like i try to not come off as proud, or pitiful, or stupid, occasionally i shoot myself in the foot and just say things without thinking but for the most part this is me. So i guess my question is does anybody else do this?

Part two is that "I say everything with strong convictions": This is true, apart from the moments when i shoot myself in the foot, i do not believe in uttering things i do not believe in. If i say it, its cos that how i understand it, see it, and i believe in it. Now there are times when i tweet/say something i would think people would just say "this girl is silly" "she is a joker" like me saying today i want Tuface's kids. If he were the last man on earth i wouldn't want his kids, tho i think he is fine but more than that i personally have issues with dating a man with kids, no matter the circumstances. But i have supported friends, family members who have done that, even marrying the man. This is cos what works for the goose does not work for the gander. Contradiction

Which brings me to part 3; I have double standards on a lot of things and i am not afraid to say that. I have a gay friend and he is awesome and cute,yet i do not believe that i will accept it coming from my family member, or God forbid my kid. Another example is i say that once a guy cheats on me i will leave. With my ex i did just that, i left, no questions. With BB, the truth is i'm not sure i can leave, even if i want to and it will be easy to come up with excuses too "we are not official" "we are not having sex" " "i've seen it still work for other couples, like it works in the movies" You and i both know i'm deceiving myself, but i will be lying if i told u, i will walk out without looking back, just like that. I tend to address every situation differently, cos i think every situation is peculiar. If you asked me there is no reason you shouldn't be official with someone you like after 6-8months, and its been over a year for me now. Contradiction

So in point, i guess i can be a contradiction, but i am coming to realize for one, i say/look at things how i think it should happen in ~~the~~ my ideal world. The world is not ideal and unfortunately for me as a control freak, i cannot control everything, if i could, i surely would. So maybe i will change my mouth a couple times and thats ok. Also add my life experiences and my moral convictions to it, its ok for life to be a lil unique in my eyes. I would like for people to understand me more, but i'm ok with people accepting me as i am.

So just thought i should share and hear what your take is. How do you view the world? what are ways in which you contradict yourself? Do you have double standards?

Also as an extra i saw a tweet which read "IMO The ten commandments can be bent". Now my first reaction to things like this is to say something like" that's why you are not a good Christian or something" (i'm very judgmental, sorry, i'm working on it) but i also know that i have to be able to hear where that person is coming from and since i couldn't ask said person(don't follow him/her, just seen it as a RT). Want to know if any of you have the same opinion and why? I do not personally think any of the commandments can be and should be bent.

Ok that's it.

P.S I LOVE YOU

Recap!!

2011-02-07T09:46:00.001-05:00

Hello guys!!! How are you? Hope you all had a good weekend. I've missed you guys sha, I've been wanting to write, but I've either been busy or just too lazy. Forgive me. I did promise to start Music Mondays & Praise Thursdays back and i'm keeping my promise starting today and not last week like i had said. :)

So brief recap on all that has been going on in my life. Real quick tho, hi to all the new readers, its really good to see you all and pls drop a line or two so i know who you are and all those who have been old readers but just commenting for the first time i really appreciate it.

So i'm not a morning person, i just can't seem to get my body up and working early in the morning, it takes me a minute. Which is not working well right now for me with school. Ehen so guys, i've decided that my case is special. Was it not me crying my eyes out about school? this same me has been complaining non-stop since i started school. Me that i've been shouting "God i need a job" i'm barely catching up with school work as it is and i have so much free time, so if i was working nko? I think God is just there laughing at me thinking "baby yi o gather" (translation: this girl is not serious). But in my defense i do believe if i was working, the pressure of that and knowing i still had to do well in school, will motivate me to do better.

I had fun this weekend guys, i'm trying not to think and worry about spending money i don't have in the first place, but i also understood that if i don't take the opportunities i'm given, i will have regrets and be bitter that i did not enjoy my youth. So i went to Madame Tussuad's and i took tons of pics, which i haven't done in a while, i was a character, lol. Then we went to the Brooklyn Museum, every first Saturday of the month apparently they have free events all day and it was so uber cool and packed. They had an African -american music night and for the two hours i was there i danced my butt off and it was sooooo hot, i stripped to my tank top. Yep, right there, lol. It was really nice, tons of people Chinese, white, black, Indian i mean you name it, having fun. and it was free :)). I'm saying if you live in the NY/NJ area we can like to make it an event every month.

Went to church at the Brooklyn Tabernacle, and it was an awesome experience, if you are ever in the NY area, i strongly suggest you attend a service. Apparently, the choir has won 6 Grammy's as well, kinda cool but the message was awesome, and i don't want to say thats how it always is but based on yday, if i could i would go there every Sun, that message was indeed for me and i will be sharing it on Thursday and if i get some money will buy the cd too. Watched the game with my friend Kunle and his sisters and that was nice. So it seems that i always pick the losing team/person, i pray that this is not saying anything about my life o. God please.

Other than that i'm doing ok, school is going well, this biostatistics class that wants to do me in, i'm praying seriously about. I just don't like statistics jo. I have my first quiz today. Found a way to never have to buy books (interlibrary loan, ask your librarian). Trying to make friends at school, at least acquaintances sha. Imma skip the boy part bit, but no worries. My aunt and uncle are still very nice, still doing well on the healthy eating and exercising part, although i'm still shrinking sha. Going to Michigan on Thursday, vaccinations for myself and my sis. I think thats about it guys. LivinglifelikeitsGolden, let me have your email please, so we can meet. Have a couple songs to share, i hope you like and have a blessed week guys, loads of kisses.

Katherine McPhee - Lifetime

Ginuwine - Heaven

Pink - Perfect

James Blake - The Wilhelm Scream

P.S I LOVE YOU
Neefemi